Wrong Turn Review

WRONG TURN

Alright, it’s not like it was a bad movie, but it wasn’t too great either. As in all horror movies, advancement of the plot is dependent on the decisions and actions of the protagonist, usually in the form of mistakes or oversights. In Wrong Turn, the main characters make several mistakes, some of them forgiveable, but many of them just stupid oversights. Now I realize that having witnessed your friends being brutally slaughtered may impair your ability to make rational decisions, you still couldn’t help but sit there and say “No! you idiots, don’t do that!”

Let’s start from the beginning. The basic premise is that there were these deformed genetically mutated humans who were exiled as infants and raised in the woods of West Virginia. Now, there’s these 5 people in their teens/early 20s stranded on a dirt road, because the monsters left barbed wire across the road and it fucked up their tires. This other dude is driving along the road, gets distracted by a dead deer on the side of the road, and slams into the other car, ruining it. And now they’re all lost, no sign of civilization for miles, and no cell phone coverage either. They made sure to point that one out, good call.

Now Wrong Turn did follow many of the conventional rules of horror films. For one thing, the hottest chick (Eliza Dushku) is the one that survives. No one likes seeing the hottest chick die early on. In addition, the characters made several classic mistakes. First of all, they split up early on, but at that point they had no idea of the imminent danger, so it would make sense. The couple that stayed behind at the wrecked cars were quickly slaughtered, eliminating them from the picture rather early. This leaves 4 people: another couple, a single girl, and the dude that slammed into them. Not really sure where to go, they follow the wrong paths and end up lost in the woods, until they stumble across the house of these monsters. (I’m going to refer to them as monsters because I don’t really know what else to call them.) They investigate the house, but get trapped inside when the monsters return with the carcasses of their friends. Though the 4 of them manage to hide in the house until the monsters fall asleep, as they leave, the door spring makes a rather loud squeak, waking up the monsters, who previously had no idea about the other 4’s existence. This was only their first mistake of many. Later on they would make mistakes such as not stealing keys to the monsters vehicle when they had the opportunity, screwing around with a radio inside a watch tower while the monsters were unaware of their presence below them, not following a river which they came upon, and many instances where they just stood around for far too long instead of running.

Here are some cardinal rules to follow in the event you get lost in a forest with monsters who are trying to kill you.

Use common sense. If you find a river, follow it, because it will lead you to civilization. This is the Eastern Seaboard of America. Do not continue off into the woods, because you will just get lost again.
Don’t take anything for granted. Just because the monsters LOOK dead, it doesn’t mean they ARE dead. Once you get them down, you don’t look around and survey the scene, you get the fuck out of there and congratulate yourself later.
Don’t be sensitive. If your buddy dies, you don’t stay and mourn, you get the fuck out of there because if you don’t, you’ll be next.
If you’re in a watch tower, and you’re trying to use the radio for help, turn it OFF when the monsters approach with torches. They might not see you, but when that thing goes off they can sure hear you, and they know exactly where you are. You’re trapped in a 90 foot tower made of wood, and they’re standing at the bottom with torches. You do the math. There will be plenty of time to call for help AFTER they pass by.
State Troopers are incompetent. Do not count on them for anything.

And here’s another thing that doesn’t make sense about this movie. Up until the end, every human that the monster encounters, they brutally slaughter on the spot. But when they find the hot chick, they just capture her and take her back to their cabin and tie her up. Where’s the consistency in that? That doesn’t make any sense. Then again, if they killed her it would break the rule of making sure the hot chick survives.

So the movie wasn’t totally bad…but it didn’t really captivate me the way horror movies should. In my mind, a good horror movie is where the protagonist doesn’t make ANY mistakes, and makes the right decision in every situation, and the monster is STILL after them, creating a feeling of hopelessness. Something like Night of the Living Dead or Scream.

I found myself laughing at several parts. Normally that shouldn’t happen in horror movies. But with this one, the fact of the matter is, it simply wasn't that scary. It was funnier than it was scary. Either that or I’m desensitized to violence. In any case, with the price of movie tickets today, I would save your money till it comes out on video and rent it for half the price. It will be more fun to watch in your living room where you can openly criticize it and predict what will happen next without the people behind you telling you to shut up. In the scope of the whole horror movie genre, it’s something different, but nothing special.

2 Stars: ¤¤