Here at Ontology Guy headquarters, we've been so busy studying the criteria for distinguishing and interconnecting concrete and abstract objects, plus filling out our National Thesis Presentations bracket (um - for entirely non-IRS-related purposes, of course), that we've fallen hopelessly behind on deadline. This can only mean one thing - that's right, another "awards" column!
So to celebrate the 10th Anniversary of the most stimulating and challenging work of the current era, the Ontology Guy is handing out the top 50 quotes from Bill Murray's groundbreaking opus, Groundhog Day, to the top 50 moments this season in the study of the theory of criteria for distinguishing various types of objects - concrete and abstract, existent and non-existent, real and ideal, independent and dependent - and their ties, relations, dependences and predications.
But first, let me pose the question (as is our wont in this discipline, a rhetorical one): Is there a greater film in the canon than Groundhog Day? Here's a work that systematically blurs, and then redefines, the line between "being" and "not being", and at the same time is the all-time hands-down Oscar winner in the category of 'Movie you can watch over and over for all eternity, and continue to enjoy more and more as you appreciate its nuances and subtleties, until eventually you reach a Oneness with the Universe'.
Groundhog Day has us turn, in the first place, to a philosophical discipline which is not as yet part of the tradition, which is therefore in a certain sense new, and about which has been said things which were intended to be of a fundamental nature, for it is impossible to give a regular definition of entity [Gegenstand], as genus and differentia are lacking, since everything is equaly an entity. Hall of Fame stuff, folks.
Dwarfing the meager stature of most full-length features in their entirety, are even the throwaway lines and bit parts. Like Edmund Huserl to Emanuel Kant, the ultimate "that guy", Ned Ryerson, shall forever live in the shadow of Phil Connors.
Speaking of Kant, "Groundhog Day" is the sublime choice for the annual end-of-the-season Ontology awards column, as Kant was a fierce proponent of the proposition that nothing is in the intellect that was not first in the senses, and through this he overturned all a priori cognitions. Honestly, I thought it would be money.
So here are 50 quotes and exchanges from "Groundhog Day" - hmm, maybe I'll stretch it into several columns, (the pay's the same either way) - handed out as awards to the memorable mentors, disciples and events from the 2003 Ontology season.
And watch out for that first step... It's a doozy.
1. "Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today."
To Barry Smith, who in "Parts and Moments" does for phenomenology and formal ontology what the original Intelivision did for home video games in the mid '80s, namely challenge all our assumptions about the way things must be.
Of course, the same could be said of the disastrously reality-warping implications of otherworldly comprehension of optical indemnification techniques, extemporaneously fabricated sourced dissertations that are greeted with enthusiasm rather than circumspection, or Brady Anderson's 50-homer season. Now if you'll excuse me, I will light myself on fire.
2. "I am A god. I'm not THE God ... I don't think."
To Peter Simons, for Alternatives and Developments in Lesniewskian Mereology.
Someday, when I'm editor of The Proceedings of the Society for Ontological Research (Board of Alternates VI), the only mortal lock for the bi-monthly Ontological Criticism section will be a column contrasting the onto-theological implications of the varying perspectives in this classic.
3. RITA: You're missing all the fun. These people are great! Some of them have been partying all night long. They sing songs 'til they get too cold and then they go sit by the fire and get warm and then they come back and sing some more.
PHIL: Yeah, they're hicks Rita.
To Antonio Millan Puelles, his translator Jorge Garcia Gomez, and especially, their readers. We don't want to encourage the stereotype of ontologists being in any way judgmental or elitist, but anyone who couldn't handle "Epistemological Non-Mediacy and Physical Mediation" in the original Spanish, should stick to doing the Pennsylvania Polka on Gobblers Knob.
4. Come on, ALL the long-distance lines are down? .. What about the satellite? Is it snowing in space? .. Don't you have some kind of a line that you keep open for emergencies or for celebrities? .. I'm both! I'm a CELEBRITY in an EMERGENCY.
To Uwe Meixner, for "Intensional Parthood between Properties".
And nothing proves Meixner's thesis more than the fluxing career and celebrity of Bill Murray relative to that of Chevy Chase. I mean, you knew they were the DeNiro and Pacino of their world, and you heard about their rivalry on Caddyshack and SNL, but once Fletch came out you figured the race was over. Seeing Chase, years later, as a distant also-ran in the world of comedy to Murray, is about as surprising as it would be to wake up in 2005 to find Tiger Woods a distant also ran in the world of golf, to Dorf.
By the way, in case you're wondering about 2006, I predict it will come to be known as "The Year that the Red Sox Three-peat". And the best part will be printing that on all the T-shirts without paying Pat Riley one lousy dime for his supposed 'intellectual property'.
And no, I'm not bitter about anything.
5. RITA: Phil, you going to the Groundhog Dinner?
PHIL: No, I had groundhog for lunch. Wasn't bad, tastes like chicken.
To Ernst Tugendhat, for "Traditional and analytical philosophy - Lectures on the philosophy of language", and especially "Lecture 3. Ontology and semantics". After that clutch Lecture, we're officially ceasing any further reference to Tugendhat as "Ontology's Fredo", and promoting him to "Ontology's Sonny".
Of course, the other big issue here is, does Groundhog Day attain the Holy Grail, succeeding in bridging "Guy Movie" with "Chick Movie"? You probably thought so, right? Well, so did I, until the Ontology Gal was treated to a screening... and she hated it! Can you believe it - all those "moments" and "lessons", and the gender gap turns out to be as un-bridged as ever.
And now that I'm in full Rant Mode, can we just pass some sort of Academy of Motion Pictures bylaw, mandating that instead of soft-focus shots and sappy music, any such-inclined movie will instead run a sentence that reads "This is a very meaningful film, take our word for it" before the opening credits. It wouldn't even cause any extra expense to the studios, most of the time they could just splice it in instead of "Based on a true story".
6. You know, people like blood sausage too. People are morons.
To Raul Corazzon, for inadvertently and unknowingly teaching morons like me almost enough to get by here. In the immortal words of Plato - or perhaps it was Red Auerbach - "I've never been afraid to copy something that works". And nothing works like ontology, that's for darn sure. Or makes for such good copy.
