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3 Days After September 11, 2001

I�m afraid at night, now,
she tells me,
and I don�t know why.
I haven�t slept in 36 hours.

And I sleep
clutching my white rosary
like a teddy bear
or tattered quilt from Grandma,
and I panic if I awake
and it has left my hands
and I feel safer
if my fingers are cramped
in the morning
and the beads have left
tiny craters in my palm.

Nights go on for weeks, now,
because heaters kicking in
sound like airplanes in the night,
because the rain pattering on the roof
sounds like cracking bullets,
because the construction workers
outside your window
sound like a military.
Because the nightmares you see in your sleep
do not go away when you wake.
On your guard,
clutching blankets and rosary,
and every sound wakes you.
Don�t get caught unaware again.
Sleep will not come
until dawn�s light touches your bed.

Somewhere a baby cries,
and I jerk awake,
and I listen,
and I am jealous
that my tears can find
no such relief.
	-September 15th, 2001, 5:10 a.m.