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Pennsylvania

I'm in limbo.
I see myself there,
but I'm still here.
I want to leave
and prove that I'm strong,
but I'm afraid
it will prove that I'm not.

And I said good-bye to her
at eight-thirty this morning,
and cried in her arms
for the first time
just as her hand began
to turn
the doorknob.

And I read her book
and laughed with children
and cooked pizza
and cuddled with a cat
and talked to a cop
and received a pay-check,
and wrote him a letter.

But everything hurt
because all I saw
was my red and
mascara stained face
staring back from
a stained window
because in twenty-four  hours
my rock and first
true friend
would be thousands
of miles away.