from SiLeNcE

Particular Feelings

11/08/00 04:26 PM

Never have I felt such a warm liking, affectionate devotion and intense mental feeling so strong in quality for anyone.

Never have I found more pleasure being with someone than being with her and the desire for more.

The strong emotional enthusiasm I perceived can not be compared to any other experience before.

My mental awareness of my love for her is intense.

This love is not based on reason, but what has reason to do with love?
My feelings are intense. She is my match.

But now I bleed for failing to do what was expected. My short coming … neglecting her needs, although “it takes two to tango”.

I have caused much sorrow and heavy mental suffering. My life is now uninteresting and unexciting. I live each day in the hope that she will make contact with me and that we will reunite.

I now have mental suffering due to the ending and destruction of something special and am loosing quality and strength.



Civilised?
11/09/00 08:44 PM

What is this place?
This place in which we "live"?
ANIMALS live, yet caged.
Humans exist, forever caged.
Which is stronger, but the weaker survive.
What is life, and what was living?
Society has developed into a metropolitan disease.

What is this I feel?
Rebelliousness, toward civilisation?
What is civilisation, and who invented?
Voices drowned, to scared to escape.
Thoughts bruised, to prevent action.
Slavery, I tell you this day.

Fall in line, adapt, evolve.
Because it's true, it can't be solved.
The only way to stay sane, is to suppress your brain.




Enough
11/25/00 12:47 PM


It's all your fault,
For rubbing the wound with salt.

Don't medal with me,
I don't take it easy.

You have boiled my blood,
My tolerance is washed away by the flood.

I'll come quicker than death,
For I no longer care for your breath.

You will pay dearly,
For insulting me sincerely.

With a severed head,
You'll be reduced to dead.

I will have no regret,
For casting this threat.

Your promise to refrain,
I know you will not maintain.

I have had enough,
Of you calling by bluff.

In your next life,
Don't cause so much strife.

You should have put the issue to bed,
Before you lost your head.

"THUD"

Sting
11/25/00

Don’t sting me, I’ll sting myself,
Don’t give me a pill for my health,
Though it be weak, even be it wrong,
I know this, I need to be strong.

I want to feel the pain,
To put a bullet through my brain,
But never assume that I’m insane,
And there is no need for restrain.

Give me a blade,
That I may be slayde
I’ll slice my skin,
‘till I give in.

But this goes nowhere,
To this I swear,
Give me courage,
So that I, may not be discouraged.

Tears roll down,
But make no sound,
The road winds on,
I have no choice but to carry on.

Nobody’s perfect, but some are closer to others.



As I Sit
12/07/00 11:31 AM

As I sit...here...alone...I wonder...
wonder why my love has forsaken me...left me....
Alone...my heart is pierced...bleeding...
dying alone...darkness approaches...
My blood warm no longer...no more flow...
will she return...
surely my soul...will not survive...
survive the long awaited return of my Darling....
Pusher...she has pushed me...of the edge of sanity...
life...itself has left my body.
The cliff beckons...
I am swallowed...
the abyss...my new home...in death...no life.
My Darling has pushed me into the gaping hole...
falling...the sky becoming a mere thought
as I fall and the edges of the cavern become further...
but wait...I see....
I see a rope...the light has returned!
My Darling has returned...
saved me...we are now reunited.
Shall I trust her with my life again?
She know not what she does
to my soul...mind...spirit...she kills.



Black On White!
12/08/00 08:36 AM

If I remember correctly...they were black...black on white...beautiful...beckoning, my heart beating faster with each piece of time passing...so much time...not knowing how much passed...looking…but what concern has time with it...time is non to say enough...enough...I can't withstand...reality not involved...this is human...respond...accept...take.

I become nervous...not knowing what to do...do what? I know not...should I...what is natural? Act as been acted on? Instinct being the master!

A cocktail...potion...potent and over powering...under the influence...created by instinct...nuclear...atom splitting...mind destroying...soul building...knowing only feeling...to the core...inner power...without this...there is no meaning...the love for the bearer...is intense.

My heart racing...blood...warmth...flowing...feeding...awareness beyond words...feeling...as though...been in flame...flamed...fueled by...I know not words...what can describe...describe deep inner emotion...feeling...all encountered...taste...touch...site...sound...smell...for this is human...colour has meaning.

This is black lace on white skin.




Pain, Death, Decay
12/13/00 02:17 PM

Pain...without her. It's like having an essential part of my anatomy severed, gauged out...my heart, bleeding as though it had been ripped from my chest...held high above me...and still beating...pierced with an ice-pick before my eyes...my body slowly becoming cold, stiff...dying...for it is not possible in the world of mortals, to live with no heart...I have no heart, without her...my bearer of life, love and passion, nor do I choose to have my heart held by another keeper...as the darkness slowly approaches, and the light draws to an end...I feel my eyes closing, my body to weak to continue with my sorry excuse for life...existence has no meaning without my queen. There is no life...not without the bearer of all things beautiful...there can only be one. I unfortunately questioned my love for my keeper...comparing it to that of another...now I shall suffer the consequences of doubt. As the darkness approaches ever faster with every memory flashing by in my mind...I pray to the powers that be...asking my keeper to forgive my dishonorable actions...in the hope that my heart be placed once again in my chest...un-pierced...that my queen once again becomes my only keeper, returning life, love and passion to my soul. I know that I shall...if allowed...serve my queen indefinitely...for I have caused her much sorrow. As I await an answer to my prayer for life...I know there are only two final stages of my existence, should my prayer be ignored...I may die...but my love will not...the final stages...Death...Decay.




Reality…No Companion Of Mine
12/14/00 08:35 AM
My body cold and damp...I awake...from my slumber, my head still throbbing from the blow...my soul cold yet wet...from fear...the underworld beckons...creeping towards me...slowly consuming me as I begin to fade into the darkness...there is no light in this part of my heart...no will to carry on...to fight...there is no other underworld...as deep...complexed and deadly as that which exists in the deepest part of the mortals heart. The will to fight is but a mere thought in the mind...as design would have it, heart and mind are not equals...never agreeing in the realm of reality...reality is no companion of mine...nor shall it ever be...it devours the human soul...as a caterpillar would a leaf...never stopping until there is no more to devour...hence my journey to the underworld ...complete...my arrival long awaited by the keepers...simply a matter of time...for it is in my nature...as it is in every mortal...to sting oneself...as would a cornered scorpion...
the blow...Reality




Untitled
12/19/00 03:51 PM

I feel it growing inside me,
It is real and dangerous.
It flows into every vessel,
Eating away at me slowly.
Filling me with this primitive liquid,
Infecting my body and mind.
Adrenaline been it's partner,
Both coursing through my veins,
Planting the seeds of madness and bloodthirst.
Lusting for the sound of broken flesh.
Cracking of bones, crushing.
Squeezing life from breath.

This primitive cocktail,
Clouds my head.
I know not of the anti-dote.

This hate and anger,
I must dispose of,
Before it devours me,
Before I devour.

Vat 'n chill pill.




Tell me why?
12/20/00 07:44 AM

I know my eyes are staring, looking to the sky,
For I am not from here, I have been sent.
Sent for what purpose, I do not know.
I suppose they need a fool to blame.
Sadly, I cannot say what I should,
So now take your fist out of my face,
I don't care what you think of me,
But why they always turn their back?
I just felt the need to try.
So cut open my guts, cut off my tongue.
You think I always end in defeat.
So remove my eyes with the burning tourch,
Torn and bruised, it leaves a bitter taste.

Let my conflict be joined with the wind,
For then I will suffer no more.
Nobody will ever see my flood of tears.
It's starting to hurt, is it all worth it?
I cry for help, but it would not change anything.

Tell me why?

A Season To Die For
12/22/00 09:04 AM


The summer was the best ever, no other summer could compare. The sun shone brightly and warmly on our love. We were radiant and full of life. The warmth between us was strong. Feelings of happiness, joy, security and love filled the air. We were happy.

But then came autumn, and with autumn came unstableness. She had to go away. And as she walked away, the sun grew dull.

With the ending of summer and what I lived for, I found myself surrounded by winter. Nothing to keep warm with. I would die to return to that summer and to keep the sun shinning brightly. I live each day waiting for the spring. So that our love, might grow stronger. There is nothing I want more than to have that summer return. And it will, and when it does, it will be summer all year round!



A New Dawn

02/01/01

Another day, a new dawn will come,
A new age, where all will be well,
And I will be united with my queen.

The love that we have for each other,
Will see us though this cruel world,
Our troubles will be carried,
Carried away on the winds of change.

For we will change our lives,
And filling it with love and understanding,
It is written in the stars above.

If that day does not come,
I will surely pierce my belly,
Slicing open my abdomen, gutting myself.

For I wish, not to live, without her love.




Untitled
02/01/01

Take these tears away,
Hoping she comes my way,
Help, someone, please help.

Trying to be strong,
But not for long,
Crying alone in the dark.

Release my inner most feelings,
She has the power of healing,
Only she can break the chains.




This is Real
02/19/01

To behold you,
Is breath taking,
To hold you,
It is heavenly.

You surround me,
You fill my thoughts,
Taken my mind.

I feel you in me,
Rushing though my veins,
You own my heart.

We share so much,
Wanting to share more,
You are my temple of life,
Come to me,
That we may start,
Start together.

For this is real.




No One Can Touch
02/20/01

Let’s go together,
Away to our little place,
Together into our garden.
Where we are safe.

Where we can appreciate the beauty,
Looking into each others hearts,
And see the beauty in them,
Letting us grow as one.

Let the sweet intoxication of our love whisk us away!
Together we will embrace our love,
Deal with our fears,
Forgetting yesterday’s tears.

Our love need not fear,
Throw away the idea!
We will heal together,
Keeping our garden forever.

For here inside of us,
That which makes us,
No one can touch,
It cannot be taken away.

Copyrights 2001. All Rights Reserved. Text and Poetry copyrighted by Silence.
Graphics copyrighted by Gilbertson's Web Design.

Updated 4/26/01.