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TITLE: When Jimmy Met Scully 
AUTHOR: nikki, 3/01 
RATING: PG 
KEYWORDS: Lone Gunmen, Scully 
SPOILERS: Per Manum (XF); Bond, Jimmy Bond (LGM) 
CLASS: vignette, humor, crossover 
DISCLAIMER: They're not mine. Don't sue me. 
ARCHIVE: Gossamer, Lone Gunmen, The Archive, yes. Others, please 
contact me--I always say yes, but I like to know where my children are at 
come bedtime. 
FEEDBACK: nikoleaw@aol.com 
More can be found at my website: http://www.geocities.com/the_xproject 
SUMMARY: The title says it all. It's nothing more than a bit of funny fluff. 
THANKS: Sally H and Suzi for convincing me to go with it, MSebasky, SEP and 
Gerry for making me go back and do it right. 


We were in the midst of our weekly argument about the cover of the paper and 
hoping that if we ignored him long enough, Jimmy would get the clue and shut 
up. He's a nice guy, and it's handy to have someone around who can lift heavy 
stuff by himself, not to mention someone else for Frohike to yell at, but a 
Rhodes Scholar, he's not. But this time, after a few more seconds of being 
ignored, he gave up and walked away. If I'd known where he was going and 
why, I'd have shut up and listened to him. 

I noticed him unlocking the door, but since he hadn't checked the security 
monitor beforehand, I'd assumed he was leaving. You know what they say 
aboutassumptions. A second after the door opened, I heard a familiar voice 
begin 
stammering out an apology. "I'm, I'm sorry. =A0I was looking for the offices 
of the Lone Gunmen?" 

She was moving backwards when the Genius probably gave her one of his 
five-star smiles as he proudly answered, "That's us, ma'am. Please, come 
right in and I'll let my associates know that you're here." Associates? 
Since when did we become his *associates*? Jeez. He turned to walk away but 
after only two steps, turned back and sheepishly asked, "Um, what's your 
name?" 

I was trying to get to the door, but Byers was standing in front of me. 
Frankly, I was shocked that Frohike hadn't recognized the voice and climbed 
over both of us by now. He was going on and on about how Byers always 
overrules us when there's a cover that the two of us like but Byers doesn't, 
blah, blah, blah. 

I finally just pushed Byers out of the way to get around him just in time to 
see Scully turn sideways and give Jimmy a once-over before answering, 
"Scully. Dana Scully." 

He smiled again and extended his hand as he said, "I'm Jimmy Bond." 

I froze. I hadn't gotten close enough to the door yet for either of them to 
see me, even though I could see them through an open space in one of storage 
units. I just *had* to see how this little exchange was going to play out. 

A second later, I saw Scully's eyebrow form an arch that would make the folks 
from McDonald's jealous, before she gave him the same forced smile that she 
normally reserved for our more unbelievable theories. Shaking his hand, she 
dryly answered, "As in..." 

Jimmy started nodding his head like one of those dashboard dogs, complete 
with waggling tongue as he said, "Yeah, like the spy. But I'm not a spy. 
I'm a coach of a blind football league. Or at least I used to be. Now I 
help these guys fight crime." 

I winced, but Scully just gave him a small nod, and graciously replied, 
"Pleased to meet you, Mr. Bond." She didn't laugh or anything. As Frohike 
would say, Scully is the personification of a "classy lady." 

Jimmy's goofy grin was still in place as he shook his head slightly and told 
her, "Please, just call me Jimmy." Then, he turned and started navigating 
his way down the narrow path between our inventory storage units. 

Byers and Frohike, idiots that they are, were still arguing when Jimmy 
cleared his throat and loudly announced, "Hey guys, there's a lady here to 
see us!" 

Jimmy, obviously pleased with himself, beamed at them as he stepped aside and 
said, "Guys, this is Dana Scully." 

Scully tried to hide a grin behind her hand as Frohike jumped forward and 
planted his finger in Jimmy's chest, and almost started snarling to let Jimmy 
know just who he was dealing with. "That's *Special Agent* Dana Scully, to 
you." I wondered if Scully could smell the eau de alpha male in the air. 

Byers moved some papers off of a nearby chair as he motioned for Scully to 
take the seat. "Agent Scully, what can we do for you today?" 

Scully took the offered seat and reached into her pocket. "I need to get 
some information on someone. Information that I haven't been able to gain 
access to via official channels." 

"Special Agent? Like a real spy or something?" Jimmy's voice was filled 
with wonder. Great. If he thought that real spies and the like came to see 
us on a regular basis, he'd never go home. 

Byers didn't quite manage to hide the laughter in his voice as he responded. 
"No. Agent Scully is with the FBI. She works in a division that investigates 
paranormal phenomena." 

Though not quite as excited as moments before, Jimmy was still clearly 
awestruck as he asked, "Paranormal phenomena? Like ghosts and the stuff you 
write about?" Byers nodded--it was probably easier than trying to explain to 
him the subtle but important differences between the conspiracies that we 
work to uncover and some of the off-the-wall stuff that Mulder and Scully 
used to look into. Jimmy was still quick to add, "But you still get to carry 
a gun and stuff, right?" 

Frohike seemed to feel that it was time for him to nip that puppy love in the 
bud. "Yes, she does. And she's an expert marksman. Shot her partner through 
his shoulder once when he got too fresh with her." 

Scully glanced at Frohike as she began, "That's actually not..." 

I didn't mean to be rude, but, I didn't want her to say anything that might 
make Jimmy think she *wouldn't* shoot him. Just two days earlier, he'd 
somehow become convinced that Yves wanted to go out on a date with him. She 
didn't. It wasn't pretty. We figured it'd be at least a month before it'd 
be safe to have Yves in the same room with him--I didn't want to have to play 
referee between him and Scully too. Not to mention we'd have to deal with 
Frohike's crushed manhood. No way, no how. So I cut her off as I moved 
closer to her and asked, "So, what kind of information do you need about this 
person?" 

Scully pointedly looked at Jimmy, then turned her gaze to the rest of us. 

I caught on faster than either Frohike or Byers and casually addressed her 
unspoken concern. "Hey, Jimmy. I think I left the oven on. Go check it 
out." 

The look of confusion mixed with disappointment that crossed Jimmy's face was 
so outrageous that I snorted. Scully turned away to keep herself from 
laughing and Frohike started turning red. Probably worried that Scully 
thought he looked cute or endearing or something. Thank God I'd gotten rid 
of him. We didn't need Scully thinking about shooting Frohike. At least not 
right now. 

Once Jimmy was out of earshot, Byers turned to Scully. "There's no reason to 
be concerned about speaking freely in front of Jimmy. We've thoroughly 
checked him out and he's proven to be quite trustworthy." 

I added, "Yeah. And it's not like he can remember anything long enough to 
ever repeat it back right to anyone anyway." 

Frohike, obviously distressed that the conversation had once again returned 
to the topic of Jimmy, interjected, "The information you wanted?" 

Scully turned back to him as she unfolded a piece of paper she'd removed from 
her coat pocket. "Yes. A man named Knowle Rohrer. He's CIA. And that's 
all that I've been able to find out about him. I need to know more. What 
area he's assigned to, who he reports to, anything at all that you can find 
out about him." 

Byers glanced at her just-beginning-to-show stomach, and said, "Agent Scully, 
there was no need for you to come all the way over here for that. You could 
have phoned or emailed us and we would have brought you the information as 
soon as we got it." 

Scully let out a long breath and nodded in agreement. "I know. But I had to 
get out of the office. I know they mean well, but if I had to endure one 
more impromptu visit from Agent Doggett or Assistant Director Skinner bearing 
a carton of milk for me to drink, I was going to become homicidal." 

Byers smiled at her in understanding, but any reply he may have had was 
forestalled by the return of the Brain Trust. 

"The oven was stone cold, Langly." He stepped around a desk and moved 
towards Scully. Holding out a full tall glass, he asked, "Would you like a 
glass of milk, Agent Scully?" 

She was going to say something smart, I could see it in her eyes, but 
whatever it was, it died on her tongue as she looked up sharply at him. He 
had a milk moustache! A milk moustache! She also took in its source: a 
half empty glass of milk he held in his other hand. She gave him a polite 
smile as she answered, "Thank you. I'd love some." 

Jimmy's response was to give her that "Aren't I a good boy?" look. You know, 
the same look a cat gives you when it drags a dead bird into the middle of 
the kitchen. I could see Frohike exuding his "Stay away!" aura like a neon 
sign, but Jimmy was as blind as his former football players when it came to 
that kind of thing. Actually, when it came to most kinds of things, but that 
wasn't the issue right now. Frohike obviously wanted to get her out of here 
and away from Jimmy. Now. 

He actually moved right up next to her and started trying to help her out of 
her seat. "Well Agent Scully, it's always a pleasure to see you, but we know 
how busy you are, so we'll just let you get back to the office now." 

She blinked at him in surprise. "But..." 

Frohike was practically pulling her out of her chair now as he hurriedly went 
on. It was pretty funny actually. "We'll call you as soon as we have 
something to report, or maybe I'll just drop it by your apartment later on." 

She looked at him in confusion as she stumblingly allowed him to lead her to 
the door. "But..." 

Nodding frantically at her, Frohike pried the glass of milk out of her hand, 
then, realizing that his other hand was still busy clutching her arm, gave 
the glass back to her so that he could unlock the door. Pretty quick work 
today since Jimmy still hasn't caught on that there's a reason that we have 
more than one lock. I'm still not quite sure exactly what happened next, 
since Frohike just growls whenever I mention it, but as near as I can tell, 
Frohike was opening the door while Scully was trying to figure out what to do 
with the milk. She saw Jimmy standing behind Frohike and tried to hand off 
the glass to him, but Frohike must've stepped the wrong way and bumped the 
glass, which spilled the milk. Frohike turned around to yell at Mighty Mind, 
stepped in the puddle and landed on his ass. Jimmy bent down to try and help 
him up and somehow he wound up on the floor on top of Frohike. After they 
both assured her that nothing was broken, Scully told them to put ice on 
their bruises and she hightailed it out of here. I can't say that I blame 
her. 

And Frohike tells me I'm bad with women. 

The End 

nikoleaw@aol.com