Here's a listing of the memorable X-Files quotes that have graced my homepage. I will try to change the quote daily, so as time goes by, check back here and re-live what I felt were some of the best and brightest moments of the series!
(Would you rather look at the quotes I've used in order by episode rather than the order that I used them? Then go to Quotes By Season.)
10/26/98
Scully: ...Dr. Lloyd was pushing his limits. He was an accident waiting to happen.
Mulder: I'm not a doctor Scully, but you gotta be pushing pretty hard to mistake a beer belly for a bald head.
Sanguinarium
10/27/98
Scully: I just think it's a good idea not to antagonize local law enforcement.
Mulder: Who me? I'm Mr. Congeniality.
Scully: You never know, we might need his help one of these days.
Mulder: I'll send him a bundt cake.
Conduit
10/28/98
Mulder: What are you doing here?
Byers: Can we talk inside?
Mulder: I'm not feeling well. I didn't sleep last night. I'm really not in the mood for the Three Stooges.
Frohike: I don't think we've been followed.
Mulder: Who would follow you?
Byers: A multinational Black Ops unit, code name Garnet.
Langly: Trained killers. School of the Americas alumni.
Mulder: You boys been defacing library books again?
Anasazi
10/29/98
Mulder: ...Imagine if you could come back and take out five people who'd caused you to suffer. Who would they be?
Scully: I only get five?
Mulder: I remembered your birthday this year didn't I, Scully?
The List
10/30/98
Mulder: Who cut the cheese?
Scully: Since you won't be making it to the conference...
Mulder: Par-tay!
Scully: However, I must remind you this goes against the Bureau's policy of male and female agents consorting in the same hotel room while on assignment.
Mulder: You try any of that Tailhook crap on me Scully, I'll kick your ass.
Detour
10/31/98
Mulder: Whatever happened to playing a hunch, Scully? The element of surprise, random acts of unpredictability. If we fail to anticipate the unforseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced.
The X-Files: Fight The Future
11/1/98
Kristen: Are you about to ask what a normal person like me is doing in a place like this?
Mulder: How do you define normal?
Kristen: I don't. How do you?
Mulder: All I know is that normal, is not what I feel.
"3"
11/2/98
Skinner: Frankly, I'm confused by this story.
Mulder: I don't blame you.
Scully: We can't really explain it ourselves, sir.
El Mundo Gira
11/3/98
Colton: So, Mulder, what do you think? Does this look like the work of little green men?
Mulder: Grey.
Colton: Excuse me?
Mulder: Grey. You said green men, the Reticulan skin tone is actually grey. They're notorious for their extraction of terrestrial human livers. Due to iron depletion in the Reticulan galaxy.
Colton: You can't be serious.
Mulder: Do you have any idea what liver and onions go for on Reticula? Excuse me.
Squeeze
11/4/98
Scully: I was so sure Mulder. I saw things and I heard things...it was just like the world was turned upside down, everybody was out to get me.
Mulder: Now you know how I feel most of the time.
Wetwired
11/5/98
Scully: ...you're buying.
Mulder: Coke, Pepsi, saline IV?
Scully: Something sweet.
The X-Files: Fight The Future
11/6/98
Modell: No. Seriously, listen to me.
Mulder: No! You listen to me. Either come back here on your own or I drag your sorry ass back on the bumper of my car!
Modell: When did you turn into Clint Eastwood?
Kitsunegari
11/7/98
CSM: Life is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that no one ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So you're stuck with this undefinable whipped mint crap, which you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left. Sure, once in a while there's a peanut butter cup, an English toffee, but it's gone too fast and the taste is too fleeting. You end up with nothing but broken bits and teeth-shattering nuts, which if you're desperate enough to eat, all you've got left is an empty box filled with useless brown wrappers.
Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man
11/8/98 (U.S. Season 6 Premiere Day!!!!)
Mulder: You know, I always thought when I got older, I'd maybe take a cruise somewhere. But this isn't exactly what I had in mind. The service on this ship is terrible, Scully...It's not fair. It's not our time. We still have work to do.
Scully: Mulder, when they found me...after the doctors and even my family had given up, I experienced something that I never told you about. Even now, it's hard to find the words. But there's one thing I'm certain of, as certain as I am of this life--we have nothing to fear when it's over.
Dod Kalm
11/9/98
Scully: How come you two went your separate ways?
Mulder: I'm a pain in the ass to work with.
Scully: Seriously.
Mulder: I'm not a pain in the ass?...We had different career goals. Jerry wanted the 5th floor.
Scully: And you?
Mulder: I was gunning for a basement office with no heat or windows.
Ghost In The Machine
11/10/98
Langly: Thank you so much for getting me involved in this Doohickey.
Frohike: Frohike, you hippy jerk.
Byers: We're screwed.
Langly: Doohickey!
Frohike: You know, with that long blond hair, you'll be the first one in here that gets traded for cigarettes. And I'm gonna be laughin' my ass off.
Langly: Oh yeah? You wanna cha-cha?!?
Frohike: Anytime, anyplace.
Byers: Would you two relax?
Langly: Shut up you narc!
Frohike: It's your fault we're in here.
Unusual Suspects
11/11/98
Mulder: We work in the dark. We do what we can to battle the evil that would otherwise destroy us. But if a man's character is his fate, this fight is not a choice but a calling. Yet sometimes the weight of this burden causes us to falter, breaching the fragile fortress of our mind, allowing the monsters without to turn within and we are left alone staring into the abyss. Into the laughing face of madness.
Grotesque
11/12/98
Scully: Was that for the benefit of the General, or have you been able to develop a real strategy?
Skinner: Right now I'm flying by the seat of my pants.
Mulder: You mean there's no procedure outlined for an invisible assasin?
Unrequited
11/13/98
Naval Guard: ID and floor you're visiting please.
Mulder: We're going down to the morgue.
Naval Guard: That area is currently off limits to anyone other than authorized medical personnel.
Mulder: On whose orders?
Naval Guard: General McAddie.
Mulder: General McAddie is who requested our coming down here. We were awakened at 3 am and told to get down here immediately.
Naval Guard: I don't know anything about that.
Mulder: Well call General McAddie.
Naval Guard: I don't have the number.
Mulder: Well then call the switchboard, they'll patch you through...Jesus, you don't know the switchboard number?
Naval Guard: I'm calling my C.O.
Mulder: Listen son, we don't have time to dick around while you demonstrate your ignorance of the chain of command. The order came directly from General McAddie. You call him. We'll conduct our business while you confirm authorization.
Naval Guard: ...Why don't you head on down and I'll confirm authorization.
Mulder: Thank you.
The X-Files: Fight The Future
11/14/98
Scully: You set us up. You're in on this with Lucas Henry, this was a trap
for Mulder because he helped put you away. Well, I came here to tell you, that if he dies because of what you've done, 4 days from now nobody will stop me from being the one that'll throw the switch and gas you out of this life for good, you son of a bitch!
Beyond The Sea
11/15/98
Spender: You're not supposed to come here. It's what was agreed to. It's the deal you made.
CSM: I had to congratulate you, commend how you handled it. How you handled Mulder.
Spender: I did what I was asked.
CSM: You did well son. He's on very thin ice now.
Spender: Mulder'll be back. As long as he lives he won't give up.
CSM: Well, there're solutions of course. Simple, but extreme solutions. I've used these methods. They have their place. But not here.
Spender: You've killed men.
CSM: You can kill a man, but you can't kill what he stands for...Not unless you first break his spirit. That's a beautiful thing to see.
The Beginning
11/16/98
Scully: So, you started to tell me about "walk-ins", but I'm not sure if I grasp the finer points.
Mulder: Um, it's kind of a new-age religion based on an old idea that if you lose hope, or despair and want to leave this mortal coil, you become open and vulnerable.
Scully: To inhabitation by a new spirit.
Mulder: A new, *enlightened*, spirit. According to the literature, Abraham
Lincoln was a walk-in. And Mikhail Gorbachev and Charles Colson, Nixon's advisor.
Scully: But not Nixon?
Mulder: No. Not even they want to claim Nixon.
Red Museum
11/17/98
Mulder: One more anal-probing, gyro, pyro, levitating, ecoplasm alien anti-matter story and I'm gonna take out my gun and shoot somebody.
Scully: Well, I guess I'm done here. You seem to have invalidated your own work. Have a nice life.
Patient X
11/18/98
CSM: You're in no position to question the terms of our arrangement.
Skinner: Then we have no arrangement!
CSM: You'll find that it's not that easy to walk away from Mr. Skinner...a man digs a hole, he risks falling into it.
Zero Sum
11/19/98
Mulder: Will you let me drive?
Scully: I'm driving...Why do you always have to drive? Because you're the guy? Because you're the big macho man?
Mulder: No. I was just never sure your little feet could reach the pedals.
Syzygy
11/20/98
Mulder: ...The sun will rise in America tomorrow regardless of whether or not we're at yet another farm investigating yet another enormous pile of doo doo...
Drive
11/21/98
Mulder: You've got a brother don't you, Scully?
Scully: Yeah. I've got an older one and a younger one.
Mulder: Well, have you ever thought about calling one of them all day long and then all of a sudden the phone rings and it's one of them calling you?
Scully: Does this pitch somehow end with a way for me to lower my long
distance charges?
Roland
11/22/98
Police Officer:'Scuse me. Can I help you?
Mulder: Is this Dr. Kurtzweil's residence?
Police Officer: Do you have some kind of business with him?
Mulder: Yeah, I'm looking for him.
Police Officer: You're looking for him for what?...The feds are looking for him too. Real nice business he's got, huh?
Mulder: What's that?
Police Officer: Selling naked pictures of little kids on his computer. You looking for him for some other reason?
Mulder: Yeah. I had an appointment for a pelvic examination.
The X-Files: Fight The Future
11/23/98
Mulder: ...We've both seen something like this before, Scully.
Scully: But what are you saying? That, that, VanBlundht is an alien?
Mulder: Not unless they have trailer parks in space...
Small Potatoes
11/24/98
Dorothy Bahnsen:... But I recognize one of those names, it's in an X-File.
Agent Dales: An X-Files?
Dorothy Bahnsen: Yes, unsolved cases. We file them under "X".
Agent Dales: Why don't you file them under "U" for "unsolved"?
Dorothy Bahnsen: That's what I did until I ran out of room. Plenty of room in the "X's".
Agent Dales: Who decides when a case gets an "X"?
Dorothy Bahnsen: The Director's Office...It's kind of a dead end. No one's supposed to see them but, makes for interesting reading.
Travelers
11/25/98
Scully: Nonsensical behavior is a common trait of mental illness.
Mulder: You trying to tell me something?
Soft Light
11/28/98
Spender: What is the man's name?
Mulder: John Brown. Ask me again and I'll knock you down.
Spender: What is his name?!
Mulder: Puddin' Tame. Ask me again and I'll tell you the same!
Triangle
11/29/98
Mulder: This is not about us, Scully. They're doing this to me.
Scully: They're not doing this...Mulder, I left behind a career in medicine because I thought that I could make a difference at the FBI. But it hasn't turned out that way. And now, if they were to transfer me to Omaha, or, or Cleveland or some field office, it just doesn't hold the interest for me that it once did. Not after what I've seen and done.
Mulder: You're quitting.
Scully: Maybe you should ask yourself if your heart's still in it too.
The X-Files: Fight The Future
11/30/98
Scully: You know, it's strange. Men can blow up buildings and they can be nowhere near the crime scene but we can piece together the evidence and convict them beyond a doubt. Our labs here can recreate, out of the most microscopic details, the motivations and circumstance to almost any murder, right down to the killer's attitude towards his mother and that he was a bedwetter. But in the case of a woman, my sister, who was gunned down in cold blood in a well-lit apartment building by a shooter who left the weapon at the crime scene, we can't even put together enough to keep anybody interested.
Skinner: I don't think this has anything to do with interest.
Scully: If I may say so sir, it has everything to do with interest. Just not yours, and not mine.
Piper Maru
12/1/98
Mulder: Don't you have a life, Scully?
Scully: Keep that up Mulder, and I'll hurt you like that beastwoman.
Mulder: 8 million years out of Africa...
Scully: And look who's holding the door.
The Jersey Devil
12/2/98
Mulder: ...Is there a history of genetic abnormalities in your family?
Scully: No.
Mulder: Well, just find yourself a man with a spotless genetic makeup and a really high tolerance for being second-guessed and start pumpin' out the little Uber-Scullys.
Scully: What about your family?
Mulder: Huh? Aside from the need for corrective lenses and the tendency to be abducted by extraterrestrials involved in an international governmental conspiracy, the Mulder family passes genetic muster.
Home
12/3/98
Mulder: This was living inside the body?
Scully: Apparently it had attached itself to the bile duct and was feeding off the liver.
Mulder: Lovely.
Scully: Believe it or not, something like 40 million people are infected worldwide.
Mulder: This isn't where you tell me some terrible story about sushi is it?
Scully: Well, maybe you'd rather hear what you can catch from a nice rare steak.
Mulder: So what, the murder weapon was a top sirloin?
The Host
12/4/98
Mulder: Why didn't you call me sooner?
Scully: Because I couldn't believe it. But I need you now, to be a witness on my behalf in this hearing.
Mulder: And I should've declined...if I never want to see you hurt or harmed in any way.
Scully: Then why are you here?
Mulder: Because I know something that I haven't said. Something that could be used against you to jeopardize your custody of Emily. No matter how much you love this little girl, she's a miracle that was never meant to be, Scully.
Emily
12/5/98
Mulder: And one girl was just abducted.
Scully: Kidnapped.
Mulder: Po-tay-to. Po-tah-to.
Eve
12/6/98
Scully: What do you want me to say? That you're right? That, that I believe it even if I don't? I mean, is that what you want?
Mulder: Is that what you think I want to hear?
Scully: No.
Mulder:You can believe what you want to believe, Scully. But you can't hide the truth from me, because if you do then you're working against me...and yourself....I know what you're afraid of, I'm afraid of the same thing.
Scully: The doctor said I was fine.
Mulder: I hope that's the truth.
Elegy
12/7/98
Morris Fletcher: Once upon a time, there was a guy with the improbable name of Fox Mulder. He started out life happily enough as these things go. He had parents who loved him, a cute kid sister. He had a roof ovr his head, got all his flu shots, had all his fingers and toes. And aside from being stuck with the name, Fox, which probably taught him how to fight, or not, he pretty much led a normal life. But the worst thing by far, the biggest kick in the slats this kid Fox, ever got, was what happened to his sister. One day she just disappeared. Now Fox buckled down and worked his butt off. Graduated top of his class at Oxford, then top of his class at the FBI Academy. None of that hard work made up for his sister though. It was just a way of putting her out of his mind. Finally, the way I figure it, *he* went out of his mind. And he's been that way ever since. Fox Mulder pissed away a brilliant career, lost the respect of supervisors and friends and now lives his life shaking his fist at the sky and muttering about conspiracies to anyone who'll listen. If you ask me, he's one step away from pushing a baby carriage filled with tin cans down the street. But now, all that's gonna change.
Dreamland II
12/8/98
Mulder: You also described what sounded like a near-death experience.
Skinner: There was nothing "near" about it Agent Mulder. I was a dead man.
Mulder: That's when you first saw her.
Skinner: I saw lots of things over there. I didn't give much credence to any of them.
Mulder: Why not?
Skinner: ...I got through that experience like most 18 year olds. By numbing myself with whatever was around. I was no choir boy, I inhaled.
Avatar
12/9/98
Mulder: I was sent here by one of those people. Deep Throat said trust no
one. That's hard, Scully. Suspecting everyone, everything. It wears you down. You even begin to doubt what you know is the truth. Before, I could only trust myself, now I can only trust you. And they've taken you away from me. My life up to this point has been about the need to see her again. To see them. But what would I do if they really came?
Little Green Men
12/10/98
Bartender:...So what do you do?
Mulder: What do I do?
Bartender: Uh-huh.
Mulder: I'm the key figure in an ongoing government charade to conceal the truth about the existence of extraterrestrials. It's a global conspiracy actually, with key players in the highest levels of power and it reaches down in the lives of every man, woman and child on this planet. So of course no one believes me. I'm an annoyance to my superiors, a joke to my peers. They call me "Spooky". "Spooky" Mulder whose sister was abducted by aliens when he was just a kid and now he chases after little green men with a badge and gun shouting to the heavens or to anyone who'll listen that the fix is in, that the sky is falling and when it hits, it's gonna be the shitstorm of all time.
Bartender: Well...I'd say that about does it, "Spooky".
The X-Files: Fight The Future
12/11/98
Mulder: What do you think this is?
Scully: I don't know.
Mulder: Well, can you find out for me?
Scully: What are you gonna do?
Mulder: See what else I can find out about Dr. Terrence Allen Berube.
Scully: Ok, Mulder. But I'm warning you, if this is monkey pee, you're on
your own.
The Erlenmeyer Flask
12/12/98
Scully: Scully.
Mulder: Hey. I, uh, thought you weren't answering your cell phone.
Scully: Then why'd you call?
Mulder: I, uh, had a new thought about this case you're working on. There's a viral infection that's spread by simple touch.
Scully: Mulder, are there any references in occult literature to objects that have the power to direct human behavior?
Mulder: What types of objects?
Scully: Um, like a doll for instance.
Mulder: You mean like Chuckie?
Scully: Yeah. Kinda like that.
Mulder: Well, yeah, the, the talking doll myth is well established in literature, especially in New England. The fetish, or juju is believed to pass on magical powers onto its possessor. Some of the early witches were condemned for little more than proclaiming that these objects existed. The supposed witch having premonitory visions and things..., why do you ask?
Scully: I was just curious.
Mulder: You didn't find a talking doll did you, Scully?
Scully: No. No, of course not.
Mulder: I would suggest that you check the back of the doll for a, a, a plastic ring with a string on it first. (Hears the click of Scully hanging up on him.) Hello?
Chinga
12/13/98
Mulder: I have been on the bridge that spans two worlds. The link between all souls by which we cross into our own true nature. You were here today, looking for a truth that was taken from you, a truth which was never to be spoken but
which now binds us together in dangerous purpose. I have returned from the dead to continue with you, but I fear that this danger is now close at hand and I may be too late.
The Blessing Way
12/14/98
Mulder: Scully, you don't have to do this.
Scully: Mulder, you have to help me out. There's nothing here that points directly to your guilt. I mean, unless somebody can show me with absolute certainty that you were holding the weapon that killed those two people, the, the rest of the narrative is too convenient and suspect. The drug in your system already suggests other explanations.
Mulder: What, that I was partying with a few senior citizens?
Demons
12/15/98
Mulder: I saw him this morning down by the river. He was eating a fish.
Dr. Blockhead: He knows between show snacks will ruin his appetite.
Mulder: I could be mistaken. Maybe there's another bald-headed, jigsaw-puzzle-tatooed, naked guy I saw.
Humbug
12/16/98
Mulder: It's all our questions. The proof that we've suspected but never
been able to hold in our hands. That... that proof is here.
Scully: Mulder, it's the dim hope of finding that proof that's kept us in this
car, or one very much like it for more nights than I care to remember. Driving hundreds if not thousands of miles through neighborhoods and cities and towns where people are raising families and buying homes and playing with their kids and their dogs, and... in short, living their lives. While WE - We - we... just keep driiiving.
Mulder: What is your point?
Scully: Don't you ever just want to stop? Get out of the damn car? Settle
down and live something approaching a normal life?
Mulder: *This* is a normal life.
Dreamland I
12/17/98
Scully: You've got that look on your face, Mulder.
Mulder: What look is that?
Scully: The kind when you've forgotten your keys and you're trying to figure out how to get back in the house.
Miracle Man
9/26/99
Kurtzweil: That official FBI business?
Mulder: What?
Kurtzweil: Bet the Bureau's accusing you of the same thing in Dallas. Standing around holding your yank while bombs are exploding.
Mulder: Do I know you?
Kurtzweil: No. But I've been watching your career for a good while. Back when you were just a promising young agent. Before that.
Mulder: You come out here for a reason?
Kurtzweil: Yeah....My name is Kurtzweil. Dr. Alvin Kurtzweil.
Mulder: Am I supposed to know that name?
Kurtzweil: An old friend of your father's. Back at the Department of State we were what you might call "fellow travelers". But his disenchantment outlasted mine.
Mulder: Right....How'd you find me?
Kurtzweil: I heard you come in here now and again. Figured you'd be needing a little drinky tonight.
Mulder: You a reporter?
Kurtzweil: I'm a doctor but I think I mentioned that. OB-GYN.
Mulder: You got something to tell me, you got as much time as it takes me to hail a cab.
The X-Files: Fight The Future
10/18/99
Ish: Go home FBI.
Mulder: How'd you know?
Ish: I could smell you a mile away.
Mulder: Well, they told me that even though my deodorant is made for a woman, it's strong enough for a man.
Shapes
2/7/00
Mulder: Personally, if someone digs me up in a thousand years, I hope there's a curse on them too.
Teso Dos Bichos
3/24/01
Scully: I think he incited your imagination. I think this case is nothing more than a murderer taking advantage of local folklore. I mean there's nothing odd about...
Mulder: So...lunch?
Scully: Mulder, toads just fell from the sky!
Mulder: Guess their parachutes didn't open. You were saying something about this place not feeling odd?
Die Hand Die Verlezt
3/27/01
Scully: What happened to your hand?
Mulder: Nothing.
Scully: Oh Mulder, what did they do to you? This needs to be set. You're in pain.
Mulder: Yeah, from you pulling it around like that.
Pine Bluff Variant
4/5/01
Scully:Any ideas as to why someone would be growing corn in the middle of the desert?
Mulder: [Looking out at the two giant white domes in the middle of the cornfield] Not unless those are great big Jiffy-Pop poppers.
The X-Files: Fight The Future
4/6/01
Mulder:Did you bring enough ice cream to share with the rest of the class?
Scully:(smugly, starting to eat) It's not ice cream. It's a nonfat tofutti rice dreamsicle.
MULDER: Ugh. I'll bet the air in my mouth tastes better than that. You sure know how to live it up, Scully.
The Unnatural