- FULL NAME - CHRISTOPHER ROBERTS
- AGE - 20
- NICKNAMES - BERT, BERTUS, BERTIE, DERRICK
- HEIGHT - ABOUT 5'
- DISTINGUISHING FEATURES - BEER BELLY, TREE TRUNK LEGS, SOMETIMES A BRIGHT YELLOW WIG, ALWAYS DRESSES LIKE ITS THE HEIGHT OF SUMMER
- SIGNIFICANT OTHER - NO ONE
- INTERESTS - CLAIRE AFFLECK, AMY WOODMAN, CHAMPIONSHIP MANAGER, DRINKING
- FAVOURITE FOOTBALL TEAM - ARSENAL
- AFC POSITION - CENTRAL DEFENCE
- MAIN FILM ROLES - SHARLEEN, THEODORE COPPLESTONE, OTHER WOMEN
