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| Patch: Descontrol, the Rabid Luchador, welcome to Squared Circle News, and " Patch's Place" Thanks for granting me this interview.
Descontrol: The pleasure's all mine, baby! I'm hongry! Patch: We begin each interview by having the stars that we speak with tell us a bit about themselves, such as Height, Weight, Age, Hometown, Years As Pro, and Hobbies away from the ring? Descontrol: Well, lessie now... I'm 'bout Six foot...(negative two), a dainty 155 pounds, and young enough to be carded for alcohol, but old enough to have WW2 flashbacks. I was born on the summit of the Mountain of EAT, in Mexico. I've been wrestling for about three years. My hobbies? I draw comics, harass the homeless insane, yell, and Eat. I love to EAT. I'm also a vegan spokesperson and whale enthusiast. Patch: Have you always been a Pro Wrestling fan? Descontrol: Sho' nuff! Old Dessie's been watching wrestling his whole life! I'm pretty sure Gorge "The Animal" Steele is my biological father. Or were it Gorgeous Gorge? Patch: Who trained you to be a wrestler? What was training like? Descontrol: Well, I lived next door to the legendary female monster, The Baroness for most of my childhood. She's a nazi. I was mostly self trained, but learned from Lord Humongous, Dr. Feelgood, Bonez the Cutthroat, Snow, and Deathrow Jethrow. Training was mostly a bunch of large men hitting me again and again, yelling, "Damn it, Descontrol! You're worthless!" Fun. Patch: When and where did you have your first match? Who was it against? And what was the outcome? Descontrol: I had my first ECWA match in Panama City, FL. I was brought to the ring by the Baroness, who used her Nazi staff of Mind Control to turn me into a member of the third reich. She has voodoo powers, you know. I fought Lobo, who is in the Beast Brigade, and I beat him to near death. He got better. We're brothers. Patch: What would you be doing if not for wrestling? Descontrol: Oh, god, I don't ever want to work in a retirement home again! Mickey Rooney can eats it! I'd probably be out digging in dumpsters and doing street preformances, I guess. Patch: What promotions do you currently work for? Descontrol: Not too many people know this, but the Rabid Luchador is a fickle fella. Right now, I'm exclusive to Southern Pro Wrestling and Emerald Coast Wrestling Alliance. ...But I'll work for anyone who feeds me. Please, please... give me work! I'm a starving hobo! Patch: Do you work as heel or baby? And which do you prefer? Descontrol: I've never really catagorized myself. I tell the fans I hate them every chance I get, but they cheer me anyway. So, I usually end up dancing for them halfway through my match. I guess you can call me one of those loners with a heart of gold. A desparado. A non-conformist, brutalistic, exo-rubber hardcore dino wrestling style biker computer cop. Maybe I'm just eccentric. Patch: Have you held any titles as yet? Descontrol: Hmph. *scoff, scoff* Patch: What's one of your favorite type of matches to wrestle? Descontrol: I like hardcore matches, solely cause I can hit the referee when I want. Patch: Is there anyone you absolutely will not wrestle? Who and why? Descontrol: I used to think it was Frankie Lancaster, till I met this monster. I FEAR TIGER LEE!! http://www.southernpro.net/images/workers/2005/TigerLee051.jpg Look at that BEAST! Patch: I know you wear a mask. What does the mask mean to you? What made you decide to put it on for the first time? Descontrol: Oh baby, the Mask means everything. Years ago on a plateau, In a peyote haze, the great god La Bestia De Circo (The Circus Beast) gave that mask to me. He said "TE COMO! MI OMBLIGO ES DELICIOSO!" I think that means he was hungry, and he'd kill me if I ever took the mask off. So, I wear it everywhere. It makes going to convenience stores and bathing a hassle, but I fear the Circus Beast like I fear Tiger Lee. Patch: What is the craziest thing that's ever happened to you in the ring? Descontrol: I once had a Nazi for a manager, and halfway through my match, she started praising Odin for giving me strength. I didn't know my cyst could do that! And there was this other time, this little creep named Trch bit me and gave me Malaria. Patch: What about the scariest? Descontrol: Once, I had a 450 pound man give me a Northern Lights Suplex, and then kiss me dead on the lips. I was never more conflicted! He made me delirious! ...and mysterious. Patch: OK Descontrol, we give the stars that we talk with a chance here to say whatever they feel needs to be said about the Wrestling business... The mic is yours....SHOOT? Descontrol: People need to get a friggin life when it comes to backyard wrestling. I've done backyard wrestling, and so many people will hear that, and immediately cast me off as completely worthless. Yeah, there are some people who are stupid, who swing flaming chainsaws at each other... but then there are people who simply love wresting so much that they can't wait. They want to emulate their heros. They want to simply be happy, and do what they love. And damn it, there's nothing wrong with that. The Hardy Boyz, Mick Foley, RVD, and countless other huge stars started off that way. I'd like to see some of the narrow minded jerks that I've worked with in front of crowds of 20 people call one of them a worthless backyarder. Patch: Where can fans find you on the web? Descontrol: YEAH, CHEAP PLUG TIME, BABY! Live, only on Paper-View! Well, the site's in a state of construction right now, but you can find me, as well as the rest of my team, the Beast Brigade, at www.oocities.org/thebeastbrigade! Patch: Descontrol, Thanks again for taking time to chat with me, I appreciate it and wish you the best in your career! Descontrol: I bet you say that to all the boys. ;) |
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| In his very first professional interview! Oddly, Patch Johnson wasn't confused by Descontrol's strange demeanor. I guess we'll have to try harder next time. |
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