By Nina Zalesak
1. You have a replica of the One Ring which you will let no one touch or even look at, hanging around your neck every waking moment
2. You honestly wish that you had pointy ears
3. Your friends are very careful not to say the words, ”lord” “ring” “arrow” “sword” “ranger” or possibly “Orlando” around you for fear of a long speech about the importance of each of these things in Lord of the Rings, such as-
4. When you talk about something Lord of the Rings related, you get so excited that you cannot use whole sentences at a time, or you break into constant giggle fits.
5. When your ‘friend’ says something bad about Lord of the Rings, you kick them or throw them into a trashcan.
6. After you threw them in a trash can, you muttered, “fool of a Took…”
7. You took those antique porcelain figures your grandmother gave you off of your display case and put your Lord of the Rings figurines there, instead.
8. When your brother tried to touch a figurine, you broke into a violent rampage.
9. You spend hours at a time online. Learning elvish.
10. You know who Shelob or Denethor is and it’s not December of 2003 yet.
11. You cried when The Two Towers was over. Right in the theater.
12. When you had the stomach flu, you stared at the ceiling and wished Aragorn were there to make you feel better.
13. Your dad, who hasn’t even read the books, knows every line of the Fellowship of the Ring by heart from walking past you watching it over and over and over…
14. You find yourself writing 12 pages on the importance of Legolas in school instead of that 2-page essay for History that’s due.
15. You understand what ‘tig’ or ‘cup’ is, and you find it extremely amusing if someone says one of these words.
16. You needed to buy new notebooks every two months in school because all of the pages were doodled on. See? There’s a giant spider. See it? And there’s an arrow and a bow, and Look! There’s a hobbit!
17. Your review of TTT got in the newspaper and you were convinced that the photographer that came to take your picture was related to Denethor.
18. When someone tells you that you could actually be an author, you start thinking, “Just like Tolkien!”
19. You think that Harry Potter is a baby book after reading Lord of the Rings a few times… or more… *ahem*
20. When you listen to music other than Lord of the Rings related, you pick up on the slightest similarities between the two, and visualize the scene where that music was.