That's one giant motherfucking shit!!
Other Manly Humors:
From My Anus It Descends
The Chick from AOL
The Perfect Female Ass
Ideal Boobs for Thought
Legalize It
Go Fuck Yourself
Under Female Rule


Archived Shits:
Fub's Harmonic Ejections
Nivek's Giant Plops
Mit's Massive Messes
Ffej's Fucking Nasty Shits
Yaj Has Sex with His Sister
Rog's Rancid Rips

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Breasts

Boobs, tits, jumblies, watermelons, milk jugs, titalizers, head-lights, big fat fuckin' titties, cleavers above the beaver, whatever you call them, the human female breasts are a masterpiece among natural--and sometimes artificial--wonders. A man can find himself blankly gazing at them for hours, even days at a time with his second head the only one to keep him company. Men can get lost in them. They're far too powerful for our naked eyes to vision without serious internal effects occurring. We're compelled to awe at their wonder, their beauty, their amazing detail, design, shape, bounce, and wondrous mystery about them.

Having said all this, how are we supposed to know what is a good breast, and what is a bad one? Most of us would shout out the answer that all we have to do is look. Some aren't as informed as others, although. What is the perfect breast size? How does my fantasy woman's breasts compare with the ideal breasts? If you're interested in learning all this and more, read on, inquirers, and learn of God's greatest creation.

Before I begin, as always, a general statement as to the content of this description needs to be made. No where in this essay shall I be discussing man-boobs, or breasts other than that of the human females.

Size - A very important issue when discussing boobs is size. Size should generously range from 26 to 36B or C. We'll consider the 'orgasmic' breasts to be at 36C for the sake of setting a perfect boob. For all of those who beg to differ, allow me to elaborate further. For each individual person, the size of the breast should be big enough to where you can barely or cannot fit your hand all the way around the front of the breast. Not to her chest, mind you, but to the base of the breast. This grants access to easy play of the cleavage in hand without losing too much leverage each time you roll, squeeze, or move it around. Additionally, this is a perfect condition for a pleasurable 'tit-fuck' when intimacy is at its finest.

Shape - I cannot stress this enough, shape is what makes the breast so attractive. Shape is extremely important, but it's not what you're expecting, oh no. Let us imagine a profile of a naked breast. It should not, I repeat, not be perfectly round. The round breast hints of artificial origin and isn't as attractive as a natural boob in the same position. Starting from the top of the breast, it should flow in a fairly smooth y = negative x slope until it reaches the proximity of the nipple, where the breast should break inwards into a semi-circular parabola until it finds the chest again. When something like this is achieved flawlessly is when men will gladly do anything for a woman, especially if that man is granted access to freely explore such a perfect breast first hand.

Bounce - Boobs are sensitive and, like testicles, need some sort of support when enduring extreme activities such as running, jumping, or playing sports. Breasts bounce regardless of support much to our excitement. Countless men each day run into poles, trees, and other obstructions because they were busy staring at the vertical jiggle of an attractive woman's jugs. The ripple of the jiggly puff should definitely not be too watery, but should be described as a jell-o type wiggle with each bodily movement. When playing with a pair of breasts, remember that they can only stretch and be squeezed so far before it actually causing your female companion pain. It's nice to be rough with them, but not too rough. Be gentle with those gland-ladened fun bags.

Texture - The breast itself should be the smoothest thing you've ever felt before. Silkier than silk, smoother than running your hands through warm water, and softer than the skin on her ass. There should be ABSOLUTELY no hair whatsoever! If you find some, shave it off, pluck it, electrocute it, get rid of it. Hair on the breast is a horrible horrible thing. Veins should not be very noticeable in the very least. It's acceptable to have that large vein on the mid-center viewable if the breasts are large enough, but for the most part veins only tattoo the beauty with ugliness. There should be no birthmarks, moles, pimples, cheezits, or imprints of stuff stuck in her bra on her breasts at all. The perfect breast is pure, and is virgin to all things that try to defile it.

Outer Nipple - If you've ever been close up to a breast, you'll notice little bumps all around the nipple on that pink perimeter around the actual nipple. I'm not quite sure how to explain these bumps, but they are quite welcome as long as they are not excessively mountainous. Additionally, you've all seen the freakish outer nipple perimeter's that are giant, nearly as big as your kneecaps. This is definitely unfortunate and is not part of the ideal breast. The god's certainly know how to play a horrible joke on someone. This pink flesh around the nipple should fit handsomely into your mouth without too much stretching and should be no bigger than that.

Inner Nipple - By far, the most important part of the breast. The inner nipple should be erected to form a flat plateau-like surface, not a crater as originally thought. It shouldn't be very long at all and should be relatively small. A very enjoyable thing is vigorously scanning the broad surface area of the breast in the dark for that nipple, and she definitely likes it the same. The nipple shouldn't be rubbery, and the salty taste should be at a bare minimum. She thoroughly enjoys a good nibble now and then and a definite flick of the tongue. Be sure to focus on the nipple when discovering the perfect breasts.

And there we have it, the ideal set of hooters. Many women don't possess a pair of these, but it is recommended that you check each one you can get your hands on to test each condition thoroughly. Put them to the breast test. Thank the lord for breasts; they've made many of us happy men. Bless you, God, for cleavage.

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