Adolf's Math Emporium Extravaganza
Over two hundred young women from area elementary schools visited the Math Emporium November 15 to learn about careers using mathematics.
None of them left alive.
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Visitor,
Welcome to Hitler's Guide to the Math Emporium. I'm currently a senior here at Virginia Tech, but during my freshman year I was so moved by the pleasant experiences I had with the Math Emporium I decided to dedicate an entire page on my homepage to the subject. I felt that to truly capture the ambiance of everybody's favorite Macintosh equipped pergatorium, I'd need a guide with some experience with mass torture. Naturally, I chose Adolf Hitler. His commentary on the subject follows. Enjoy.
Thanks,
Andrew Jayne
I run the site in two places, in my filebox account and in geocities.
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You know, there's not a lot of good news in Hell. But when I picked up the Collegiate Times and read about the Math Emporium, I felt a new sense of purpose. That's rare for a dead man. I began to feel like maybe someone understood what I'd been saying all those years. Finally, someone shared my vision for group torture! Yee-haw!
You should have seen the look on Mussolini's face when I told him. We were giggling like two little school girls. Ah... the Math Emporium... Being bad has never felt so good!
The rest of my comrades were also happy to hear about the Math Emporium. Satan, afraid that he had been outdone, sent me personally to check out the Math Emporium.
As I made my way out of the gates of Hell, I began to understand that this "Emporium" thing was a much bigger deal than I'd expected. Anybody who was anybody in damnation was there. They were all cheering me and chanting "Em-por-i-um!"
When I finally got there. It was everything I had expected, and more! There wasn't a single cheerful person in the place. Everyone hated being there. It was torture, and I LOVED IT!
If only I had heard of the "Quick Test" while I was alive. Surely I would have won the war.
When I got back, I told everyone what I had seen. They loved it. The week after, Satan decided that everyone should have to take "Quick Tests." Believe me, it has greatly improved our weeping, and gnashing of teeth is off the charts. Thank you Virginia Tech! Thank you Math Emporium!
