Just A Thought
There are just a few things that
need to be said.
Why am I looking around
and finding that everyone is scowling at me?
Am I to think that I am to blame
for all of the stress and misfortune happening to everyone of us?
There is always more than one correct
answer and I am afraid that I am only one person.
Why do you make me the one person
that you can hurt so easily and leave you with a smile after it is all
done?
Do you not think that I have feelings?
Have you pondered the possibility
that I am thinking about you with a tender heart?
Or have you made it official that
I hate and slander you, as you do to me?
I often think about the times we
shared and the memories we made together.
Do they mean nothing to you?
Do you not believe in second chances,
or do you like to endulge in the idea that people only deserve one chance?
Aren't we all human, can't we all
make mistakes?
You say I've made more than one
mistake, and sometimes the same mistake more than once.
Did you try to help me realize
these mistakes?
Of course you did.
You got angry every time I did
it and accused me.
I, in self defense, got angry back.
Is that the way you wanted it?
Because it surely seems like it.
You've gotten what you want, everyone
scowling at me, didn't you?
Does it make you feel good to hear
everybody slander my name and laugh at my attempts to be with you again?
Do these attempts seem pathetic
to you?
Or maybe, you too have feelings,
and you feel sympathetic for my persistancy.
I often wonder if you use the word
"hate" and my name in the same sentence. I also often wonder why I am alone.
Did I do this to myself?
That's your answer.
Was there terrible miscommunication
and misunderstanding between us?
That's my answer.
But where's the correct answer?
It's hidden underneath your hatred,
my isolation, and our silence.
I'm reaching beneath the depths
of all of it, but it's too heavy to bring to surface.
I need help to pull it up.
But you've got your back against
it, and can't hear me ask for your help;
Your cooperation.
You once loved and cared for the
girl you knew last summer, last fall.
She came back, and she's standing
right here.
I went on a long, terrible trip.
A trip to where I had lost all
ties, all communications with the people I truly loved.
The only people who truly loved
me.
Well, guess what?
I'm back now, the airplane has
landed.
I'm just missing some luggage.
But as soon as I find it I'm on
my way home to you.
It might be a bumpy ride, yet it
might be as smooth as ever, just like you remember it to be.
I let some one take who I was away.
I've taken myself back.
Some one has already seen the improvements
I've made.
He's now on his way to being with
me again.
He's also told me that you and
Him are waiting the return of who I truly am.
I can't wait to show you.
Right now there isn't much control
in my life, and I have no control over it.
The one thing I have control over
is who I am, and who will influence me.
Personally, I see no one getting
to me like I let Her get to me.
Never again will I let some one
blind fold me and hold my hand, leading me astray from the ones I love.
I am extremely good at burning
bridges, as you know, and I have set aflame the bridge that took me away.
Now I have the task of building
a bridge back to you, and stabilizing it.
Are you thinking that what I have
done is unacceptable and there is no excuse?
Of course you are.
I don't blame you for a second
for thinking that.
But I want to disprove those thoughts
by trying.
I'm not asking for another chance,
I'm just asking for you to see what I am returning to.
If you happen to like it, then
the bridge is built.
We will be together again.
I am a good person when I want
to be, as you have said.
And I want to be a good person.
I want to be a good friend.
I want to be a good lover.
There are only a few more steps
to get to the point where I can finally say
I am a good friend.
I am a good lover.
But in order to do that, I must
have the opportunity to do that, right?
Alot is left in your hands to decide
the fate of this.
But I will not let you do it alone.
I am holding my hand out to you,
and I've inscribed the words
"Trustworthy", "Loyal", "Caring"
onto it.
I've also inscribed "Influencibal",
"Backstabbing", "Liar", and "Frustrating" on my hand, with X's through
them all.
I'm no longer going to wear the
Princess Attitude She gave me, and instead wear a smile.
There isn't much else I could say.
I could ask a million things from
you, but I know better.
Patience is a virtue, as I'm too
often told.
Perhaps I should practice and wait
and see what happens?
Perhaps I shall.
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