I want to feel pain so that I can feel alive. I want to have no blood so that I will not be bleeding. I want to be bleeding so that I will feel cleansed. I want to feel cleansed so that I can hate myself less. I want to hate myself less so that I will be in less pain. I want to feel numb so that I will not feel that pain. I want to feel the pain so that I feel in control. I want to be in control so that I can feel safe.
I want to see the doctor so that I can feel safe. I want to see the doctor so that I can get the drugs. I want to get the drugs so that I can choose to take them. I want to not take the drugs so that I will feel awake. I want to take the drugs so that my doctor will be pleased. I want to not take the drugs so that I can keep seeing my doctor. I want to keep seeing my doctor so that I can feel safe.
I want to feel the pain so that I know I am existing. I want to feel existing so that I can appear to be living. I want to be living so that I can choose my death. I want to live here so that I can die later. I want to live now so that I can die later, elsewhere, when I feel happy, and safe.
I want to believe all these so that I can feel safe. I want to feel safe so that I can feel sane so that I can feel safe so that I can feel sane so that I can feel safe so that I can feel sane so that I can feel safe
I want to sit in a box so that I can feel safe.
I want to hide in the wardrobe so that I can feel safe. I want to hold my left hand with my right hand so that I can feel safe. I want to live so that i can choose my death. I want to die so that I will not be afraid of living. I want to live now so that I can die later. I want to die later so that I can die when I am happy. I want to live so that I will be like everyone else. I want to be like everyone else so that I can feel safe.
I want to be happy so that I can feel safe. I want to hate happiness so that I can live with unhappi-ness. want to be unhappy so that I will not worry about being unhappy. I want to not care so that I can feel safe.
I want to be silent so that I can be loud. I want to be loud so that I can hear myself. I want to hear myself so that I can recognise who I am. I want to lose my voice so that I can lose myself. I want to be loud so that I can be aggressive. I want to be aggressive so that I can be angry. I want to be angry so that I can have strength. I want to have strength so that I can feel safe.
I want to look ill so that I can be eyesore. I want to be eyesore so that people will notice. I want people to notice so that I can feel I exist. I want to take up less space so that I can disappear. I want to disappear so that I cease to exist. I want to cease to exist so that people will not notice. I want to be unnoticed so that I will not be a problem. I want to not be a problem so that I can feel safe.