As I danced around the kitchen floor trying to convince myself that I was in fact the fifth ninja turtle, I grabbed at one of the bigger knives that I’d stocked up on my shelf. Like a giddy teenager, I wafted the weapon around in the air and twirled around like Travolta in Saturday night fever. Alright, I didn’t look anything like a samurai warrior, but at least I was having fun.

That was, until the weapon fell from my grip and plummeted into my foot.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I cried out, hopping around like Bugs Bunny on acid.

A burning sensation swept my leg as composure went out of the window and I was reduced to a humiliated idiot that couldn’t even control his own kitchen. After a while, the pain died down and I bandaged the foot up and stopped the bleeding. Angrily, I looked around the kitchen in an attempt to find someone to share the ordeal with.

No one.

That was when I realised…

I was alone and I wasn’t a Japanese warrior.

I slumped back in my chair, dropping my head as I did so and faced the ground. For all my power, fame and wealth, I couldn’t claim the girl I wanted most and to add insult to injury… I was a bumbling idiot.

Long live Chris Champion. The world’s biggest superstar…

Or is that world’s biggest clown?

Choose your destiny?