ACLUAgain

Town Welcomes Satan Back
ACLU To Go To Hell Again

By Big B.C., Staff Writer and Columnist

Who else should Inglis ban? Let us know!

"Repent," "Request" and "Resist,"

Once and a while a news story comes in on the wire that is too good to be true. This is one of those cases wherein a town in Florida has been embroiled over the banning and unbanning of Satan from the town. If you don't believe me follow the link to the St. Petersburg Times and read the story as it broke back in November, 2001.
-Big BC

Be it known from this day forward that Satan, ruler of darkness, giver of evil, destroyer of what is good and just, is not now, nor ever again will be, a part of this town of Inglis. Satan is hereby declared powerless, no longer ruling over, nor influencing, our citizens.

In the past, Satan has caused division, animosity, hate, confusion, ungodly acts on our youth, and discord among our friends and loved ones. NO LONGER!

The body of Jesus Christ, those citizens cleansed by the Blood of the Lamb, hereby join together to bind the forces of evil in the Holy Name of Jesus. We have taken our town back for the Kingdom of God. We are taking everything back that the devil ever stole from us. We will never again be deceived by satanic and demonic forces.

As blood-bought children of God, we exercise our authority over the devil in Jesus' name. By that authority, and through His Blessed Name, we command all satanic and demonic forces to cease their activities and depart the town of Inglis.

As the Mayor of Inglis, duly elected by the citizens of this town, and appointed by God to this position of leadership, I proclaim victory over Satan, freedom for our citizens, and liberty to worship our Creator and Heavenly Father, the God of Israel. I take this action in accordance with the words of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, as recorded in Matthew 28:18-20 and Mark 16:15-18.

Signed and sealed this 5th Day of November, 2001
Carolyn Risher, Mayor
Sally McCranie, Town Clerk

The proclamation (reprinted to the right) was issued by Inglis Mayor Carolyn Risher on town letterhead and carrying the town seal. We would like to note that Inglis is the "Gateway to the Gulf" for those of you who care.

Not everyone is happy about the Satan's return, "the American Civil Liberties Union will surely go to H-e-double hockey sticks for their pact with [ ]" reads a new proclamation written by Inglis Mayor Carolyn Risher in response to the withdrawl of her proclamation banning Satan from the town (printed below) after the ACLU convinced the Town Council to denounce the mayor's actions to avoid a law suit. The council also passed a resolution forbidding the mayor from using religious language in any future proclamation which explains the mayor's new habit of using empty brackets to substitute for forbidden words. The mayor has, however, retained the ACLU to challenge the resolution claiming that it violates her first ammendment right to free exercise of religion and free speech. "The wonderful thing about the ACLU is that they are whores," said Risher, "they will both sue and defend me at the same time if necissary. They are certainly on a path of damnation." (Continued after prolamation)

The town council claims thatInglis Mayor, Carolyn Risher acted alone in the drafting of the proclamation, but did she? Did St. Elvis give her aide?

The town also required Risher to reimburse the cost of construction and installation of for four fence-posts placed at the city limits. The posts (pictured to the right) contained copies of the ban and bar proclamation and read "Repent, Request, and Resist" on three of the four sides. At the time of the writing of this article, no one is sure exactly what they are supposed to "Request" or why the mayor was unable to find another r-word in the dictionary for the fourth side. Joe Orrin, the owner of a local hardware store commented, "I don't think anyone has stopped at the city limits to read the proclamation, thats probably why Satan came to town just after Christmas." Indeed Satan did come to town for his annual gulf fishing trip just after Christmas. "He failed to heed the fence-post warnings and continued into town where he stopped at Beau's Bait & Tackle Shop where he was promtly arrested and jailed for inciting youth to "ungodly acts" like skateboarding and reading Harry Potter books," reported Sheriff Joel Watson. Satan was released after paying a small fine and was sentenced to 15 hours of community service teaching children about the dangers of witchcraft. "My first task will be to teach these kids about pentagrams, I mean sign-posts just don't contain me and they should know that," said Satan after his sentencing hearing.

The ACLU has pledged that if they are successful in reinstituting the major's right to impose her religious freedom on others then they will take the town to court on behalf of the Prince of Darkness. Kyle Yelvington, a representative of the Florida ACLU commented, "Basically Inglis wants it both ways, they want Satan to have no power in their town and they want him to scare the hell out of people. The use of our client's name and likeness as an eschatlogical scare-tactic is inconsitant with the ban and bar proclamation. Further, as a public figure Mr. Satan has complete ownership of his celebrity and can demand royalties and impose limitations on its use.

No end to this litigation is in sight and any successful ban on the use of Satan's name or likeness is likely to rouse another ACLU challege over the religious exercise and free speach rights of the town's citizens. With the town in turmoil, few things are certain other than the completion of a three story American Civil Liberties Union office building in downtown Inglis by November of this year.

(3/27/2002)

Inglis Free Will Baptist Church's agressive scare-tactic evangelistic billboards may be under fire soon as the ACLU prepares for round three of this endless litigation.

Inglis, FL -- "Welcome Back Satan!" reads the sign held by 17 year-old Melissa "Morgana" Heart. Heart and several other high school students in black clothing, white make-up, and black eye and lip liner who attended a rally on US 19 at the city limits of this non-so-sleepy Florida town. Mark Salliers a charter fishing captain and a damn dirty hippie organized the rally to welcome Satan, a loyal customer of his for the last 10 years, after the lifting of a ban enacted by town mayor Carolyn Risher. "Me and Raven and Lilly came out her because what they did ain't right," said Heart. Holly Heart, Mellisa's sister offered a different version, "She went to piss off Mom and Dad. Thats why she does everything like insisting on being called Morgana and dressing like a vampire."