| Must be 18 or older to enter, it doesn't matter how old you are if you win. Terms and conditions may apply. Void where prohibited by law or by your parents. Offer not valid in combination with any other offer. The Evil Empire Editorial reserves all rights to any published pieces. Rejected entries will not be returned but they will be whole-heartedly mocked. No purchase necessary. Purchase does not increase the odds of winning. There is nothing to purchase so don't try. No, you will not get paid, but if you are lucky you can impress someone with your sharp wit and get yourself laid. The Evil Empire Editorial is an equal opportunity employer and strongly encourages women and minorities to enter this contest. Must be a legal citizen of somewhere, we don't really care where so long as you can write in English better than Dan "Potatoe" Quayle or King George II. Spell check will not increase your odds of winning. Submissions that will get us killed will be reported to the appropriate jihad so they can kill you instead. Winner must be able to send us a picture of themselves for the staff page--where as you can sneak some obscure celebrity by Big BC, you cannot slip it by GFunk (Yes, Kirby really does look like Orlando Jones). The picture above is irrelevant to this contest. In the event we don't like any of the submissions, we will wholehearted mock them all and instead allow Big BC's cats to walk on the keyboard and publish it to show you all how much your entries suck and that a cat could write a better article! Bribes will increase your odds of winning. Winners will earn the right to say, "I can do that!" while losers will retain the right to say, "I can't do that!" There are no stupid entries, only stupid people who write them. Employees of the Evil Empire Editorial are not eligable to enter, but then why would they want to? Offer expires at 11:59:59 on February 15. 2050. Late entries will be considered, we're just not saying how. |
