| The Sheeple Tomorrow's Steak The Clones The Aquatic Cockroach The Himalayan Cat The Drunk Slut The Cocaine Dealer The Megalomaniac The Militant Outcast The Genetic Experiment The Waterboy The Goldfish |
| Aries Taurus Gemini Cancer Leo Virgo Libra Scorpio Sagittarius Capricorn Aquarius Pisces |
| The Ram The Bull The Twins The Crab The Lion The Virgin The Scales The Scorpion The Centuar The Sea Goat The Water-Bearer The Fish |
| Dolly Philipe Ed & Ned Herman Fluffy Monique Spike Hank Irvin Manny Bobby Cleavon |
| March 21...........April 19 April 20.............May 20 May 21..............June 20 June 21.............July 22 July 23..............August 22 August 23..........September 22 September 23....October 22 October 23........November 22 November 22....December 22 December 22.....January 19 January 20........February 18 February 19.......March 20 |
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| Your Birthday is Between |
| You Used to Be |
| Now You Are |
| Evil Horoscopes |
| Sometime in college Bad Andy discovered that he was one of the world's premier psychics when he got a job reading tarot cards for the Psychic Friends' Hotline, when he failed to foresee the downfall of the company, he moved on to a successful carreer with Miss Cleo who is also now a beached whale on the rocky shores of the law. The Evil Empire Editorial, however, has absolute faith that Bad Andy can't go wrong three times, but just to make sure we would like to remind you that you must be 18 or older to continue and these evil horoscopes are to used for entertainment purposes only. Oh yeah, and of course nothing that Bad Andy says can be construed to represent The Evil Empire Editorial in any way, unless he is right and then we will claim him.. Zen Guru Lama Mahatma BadyAndy had updated the Zodiac for the modern age; check the chart below to see what your new sign is. |
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| Personality Profiles |
| Dolly -- The Sheeple You are comfortable in any setting. No matter where you are, you fit in. You are the heard mentality. Your ideas and opinions are only a reflection of those around you. You will go along with anything if it is popular enough. |
| Philipe -- Tomorrow's Steak You make decisions easily and always follow through. Your short temper is matched only by your short attention span. You commit before thinking things through. |
| Ed & Ned -- The Clones You are loyal and dependable. Unable to make your own decisions, you latch on to someone more capable than yourself. You are easily led. |
| Herman -- The Aquatic Cockroach You are a survivor. You manage to thrive where others fear to tread. Your choice of lifestyle, diet, and friends would make almost any sane person fear. You represent everything that is vile in the world. |
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| Fluffy -- The Himalayan Cat Your are well cultured and have refined tastes. Your superiority complex makes the other customers at Sak’s Fifth Avenue uncomfortable. You prefer to accumulate admirers and worshipers rather than real friends. |
| Monique -- The Drunk Slut You enjoy life's pleasures and live with zest. You work hard to stay one step ahead of the consequences of your actions. |
| Spike -- The Cocaine Dealer You are ingenuitive and determined. Your lack of consience allows you to use your gifts to prey on society without remorse. |
| Hank -- The Megalomaniac Your genius and vision extend far beyond others. Few even understand your ideas. None can match them. You are easily able to manipulate others. The world fears you. |
| Irvin -- The Militant Outcast Your self-reliance and individuality are an example to all. You are bitter and vengeful against society for rejecting you. |
| Manny -- The Genetic Experiment You are something altogether unique. You have rare combinations of skills few possess. You are entirely useless. |
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| Bobby -- The Waterboy You are encouraging and supportive. You are the satellite and worshiper of someone important. You are destined to forever polish the spotlight rather than stand in it. |
| Cleavon -- The Goldfish You are mild mannered, honest, and polite. You are not taken seriously by anyone. |
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| Evil Horoscopes |
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| Zen Guru Lama Mahatma Bad Andy does private readings and séances, contact The Evil Empire Editorial to book him at your next birthday party, town festival, bar mitzva, wedding, or funeral. |
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