| Wit Withheld On Being Smart and Being a Butt |
| By Special K the Man boy, Staff Writer |
| Do you think that Special K the Man-Boy is just a latent misantrope? Tell him, or agree with him by sending a quick e-mail to the Evil Empire Editorial! |
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| Does being smart naturally make one an asshole? Is a biting wit a testament to intellectual fortitude, or the sad result of a subconscious antagonism for the world. Let’s face it people, I just used those big words simply for the task of making the simpletons out there spend five bucks on a dictionary that they’ll never use again…and I absolutely love it. Still, I don’t think this act of hidden aggression warrants an accusation of arrogance. Anyone who knows me would tell you that I’m one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. After all, I’m quiet, considerate, and pretty effective in feeding the ego of others, no matter how lame they truly are. Yes ladies and gentlemen, despite all the ill will inflicted upon me, my disease is terminal. I have been infected with compassion for others. The problem is that regardless of all my kindness, some have labeled me dry and sarcastic. I admit sarcasm is at the forefront of my comedic repertoire; but I use it out of entertainment, not strife. With every joke, people call me mean. Bewildered, I ask, “for telling the truth?” This question seems to stir up even more rebuttal, as I’m verbally accosted for my harsh insights. The problem lies in the fact that I’m not as mean as I could be. My mind is like an editor, constantly running through the things I say before they are let loose upon the world. I’m honest, but my full potential for insult has never been released. My wit could be extremely dangerous in the wrong hands. Imagine if jocks and spoiled upper class youths had the ability to offend others with material that is actually true. The world would be in utter chaos. So my wit-wielding brethren, are our minds really dedicated to the belittling of others? I can humbly answer, no. If your own insecurities make you unusually sensitive to my jokes, I apologize. But please, you must understand that it’s all I have. There’s no girlfriend at the end of the day, and the onslaught of failing sitcoms have been hell on my nightlife. Curbing my sarcasm won’t satisfy anyone but you. Call me an asshole if it makes you feel better, but I will never stop my witful ways. I want the entire population to be at par with one another. Rather than building my own self-esteem, I believe that it is more logical to debase the confidence of others. Folks, we’re merely discussing a difference in philosophy, so take it for what it’s worth (which isn’t very much at all). I’m a know-it-all, and knowing everything isn’t easy. But by God, through your blood, sweat, and tears, I promise to keep pressing on no matter your costs. I know you wouldn’t have it any other way. (5/22/2002) |
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