Crisis Of Conscience

Never before had he felt this little twang; it was so unexpected, so unfamiliar that at first he could give it no name. He hoped that it was indigestion but knew that with his luck it must be much worse. The thought "stroke" quickly flashed across his mind. That his conscience might be warning him to stop was difficult to fathom. He didn't believe in Jimney Cricket or the Superego and often chose to forget about Willpower. He liked to do what he liked, and sometimes that meant turning off his brain before he acted.

Maybe he regretted his actions later. I don't know though; I was never around for that part. From what I've seen, he always took pleasure in our little rendezvous. I enjoyed it too. I liked seeing that look of shy anticipation as he gazed down at me; that little thrill of color raise to his cheeks as he reached out to me. Our encounters were by nature brief, but they were always pleasant.

That day though, he seemed tormented. Unsure of himself he stood there thinking. I could see the thoughtfulness creep into his eyes. Perhaps he would never admit it, but it seemed that he did have a conscience afterall. Honestly, I was shocked. He had told his wife months ago that our relationship had ended. He had sworn that he would never touch me again. I knew all this at the time but wasn't concerned. He had tried to leave me before, but he had always returned. Like any addict, he couldn't seem to stop himself and didn't seem to care to.

This time was different. I knew that if he turned away I might never get him back. I tried to entice him. Look appealing. Smell sweet. Call to him. I thought he would come to me; he had never resisted me in the past. For a brief moment, a second or two perhaps, I thought I had him back.

As he reached out to me I was sure that I had won him over. Everything would go back to normal.

But then came the shock.

"I don't need you anymore," he said.

Thrown out with the trash, here I sit with no recourse. I am alone and frightened, but still I sit. Maybe I'm waiting for him to change his mind. Maybe I'm hoping that he'll come back to me. So I sit and wait. What else can a chocolate chip cookie do?