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| Doctor clones 'perfect chip' |
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| Left is the "perfect chip" and on the right is a chipped, over cheesed Dorito |
| Dr. Chapman cloned the "perfect chip" |
| MALIBU, CALF--Dr. Michael "Chip Man" Chapman announced a stunning cloning breakthrough on March 4. Dr. Chapman displayed what he called "the perfect chip" after cloning another stellar Nacho Cheese Dorito chip. "Some chips have chipped corners, some have too much cheese and some have too little, but this batch is full of the perfect chip," said Dr. Chapman, who is a researcher out of Pepperdine University. |
| Dr. Chapman believes his breakthough will revolutionize the way Doritos are eaten. "Think of the possibilities," he said. "No longer will your hands be covered with too much cheese or too little. This is perfect. And they taste so good. |
| According to Dr. Chapman, there are ways to clone the "over cheesed chips" for people who like those, but he doesn't know "why the fuck someone would want that when they can get the perfect chip." The research and development of the chips came after man dissappointing bags of Doritos. |
| "I just kept paying $1.99 for shitty chips," said Dr. Chapman. "I had to put an end to it. After I had heard they cloned sheep, I knew I could clone a chip. It took me about four years to find the perfect chip to clone." Not everyone is thrilled with Dr. Chapman's development. Alan Van Horn, CEO of Doritos, Inc. does not think that there is anything wrong with the current state of Doritos. "So some of them have a little more cheese," said Van Horn. "Big deal. Chapman can bite me for all I care." |
| "They [Doritos, Inc.] don't know what they're talking about," said Dr. Chapman. "They just wish they had developed the perfect chip. But they didn't. I did." The chips have no set time table to be released to the public and the release is "doubtful" until early 2003. |
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