Two Heart Attacks 

It only takes two heat attacks 
To finally make you see -  
One of them won't do it 
but the second will set you free! 
Tell all your hate and anger 
it's time to say 'goodbye
and that is just what I will do 
when those bastards I work for die! 

Smelly Cat 

Smelly cat, smelly cat, 
what are they feeding you? 
Smelly cat, smelly cat, 
it's not your fault. 
They won't take you to the vet. 
You're obviously not their favourite pet. 
You may not be a bed of roses, 
And you're no friend to those with noses. 
Smelly cat, smelly cat, 
what are they feeding you? 
Smelly cat, smelly cat, 
it's not your fault.

 Two Of Them Kissed Last Night 

There was a girl, we'll call her Betty, 
And a guy, let's call him Neil. 
Now I can't stress this point too strongly, this story isn't real. 

 Now our Neil must decide, 
who will be the girl that he casts aside? 

Will Betty be the one who he loves truly or will it be the one who we'll call L-Lulie?

He must decide, he must decide. 
Even though I made him up... 
he must decide. 


Little Tony Tarzan

 Little Tony Tarzan
Swinging on an nose hair
Swinging with the greatest of ease...

Holiday Song 

Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap. 
Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap. 
Said all you need is to write them a song, 
Now you haven't heard it yet so don't try to sing along. 
No! Don't sing along!
 Monica, Monica, 
have a happy Hanukkah. 
Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross. 
And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowwwwwy 
And Rachel and Chandler, (mumbles something) handler!

The Barnyard Animal Song 

Oh the cow in the meadow goes moo. 
Oh the cow in the meadow goes moo. 
Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up...

And that's how we get hamburgers.

What Happened To Grandma? 

Now grandma's a person who everyone likes, 
She bought you a train and a bright shiny bike. 
But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner and last time you saw her she 
 looked so much thinner. 
Now your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru, but the truth is she  died and someday you will too.

New York City Has No Power 

New York City has no power, 
And the milk is getting sour. 
But to me this is not scary, 
Cause I stay away from dairy!



In The Shower 

I'm in the shower 
and I'm writing a song.
Stop me if you've heard it. 
My skin is soapy and my hair is wet 
And Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget. 

Lather, rinse, repeat. 
Lather, rinse, repeat. 
Lather, rinse, repeat, 
As needed!

Suicide And A Snowman 

I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitchin'. 
How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen?