1. Call her the next day.
2. Always laugh at her jokes.
3. Tell her (truthfully) that you can't wait to see
her again.
4. Offer her a backrub, without asking for one in
return.
5. Call her just to say you were thinking about her.
6. Bring her a teddy bear and chicken soup when she's
sick.
7. Write her a poem.
8. Slow dance with her (not only on a dance floor).
9. Bring her flowers for no reason.
10. Send her a (handwritten) letter just to say
hello.
11. Always remember your anniversaries and bring her
something sweet.
12. Kiss her in the middle of a sentence.
13. Take her for a walk at sunset and stay to look up
at the stars.
14. Tell her something about you that no one else
knows.
15. Remind her that you still think she's beautiful.
16. Take a bubble bath together.
17. Watch a sappy movie with her.
18. Surprise her with a candlelight dinner.
19. Never stop trying to impress her.
20. Tell her you love her.
21. Never forget how much she means to you.
22. Give her great big hug for no reason.
1) Yes, we do discuss our sex lives with our girl
friends so beware. We have the power to make you
legendary or a vienna sausage.
2) Don't compare my talking with girlfriends to the
cackling of hens. It is called communication...look
into it.
3) When getting dressed always choose the opposite
outfit that your instincts tell you to choose.
Contrary to popular male belief....others can see
that you are wearing one blue sock and one black sock.
4) If you mother did things so well then why not
move back in with her? She can do your laundry, and I
will just borrow you when I need sex.
5) Yelling at me from across the house sounds just
like one of the kids, so, yes, I am ignoring you.
6) We women would be perfectly happy to wear no
makeup, have flat hair and hairy legs. It is you who
expect us to look like a supermodel so do not
complain that it takes time.
7) Do not assume that we are the keepers of all lost
things. Sometimes we do not immediately know where
you put your smelly jogging shoes or the keys to the
shed.
8) If you expect us to be responsible for birth
control products, stop whining when we get all
grouchy cause the hormones in them can send us to the
friggen moon.
9) And when you get "that time of the month," you
can then start telling me how I should be acting and
feeling.
10) And finally, we can and have given birth to
something the size of a watermelon. It hurts! So do
not come to us complaining about your wimpy headache
or stomach ache or ear ache. Just get over it.
1. The FEMALE always makes the rules.
2. The RULES are subject to change at any time without
prior notification...by the FEMALE.
3. No MALE can possibly know all the RULES.
4. If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows all the
RULES, she must immediately change some or all of
them.
5. The FEMALE is never wrong.
6. If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a
misunderstanding which was a direct result of
something the MALE did or said wrong.
7. The MALE must apologize immediately for causing the
misunderstandings.
8. The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.
9. The MALE must never change his mind without the
express written consent of the FEMALE.
10. The FEMALE has every right to be angry or upset at
any time.
11. The MALE must remain calm at all times, unless the
FEMALE wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The FEMALE must, under no circumstances, let the
MALE know whether or not she wants him to be angry or
upset.
13. The Male is expected to "mind read" at all times.
14. The MALE who doesn't abide by THE RULES; can't
take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp!
15. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in
bodily harm.
16. If the FEMALE has PMS, all THE RULES are null and
void.
17. The FEMALE is ready when SHE is ready.
Good girls say "Thanks for a wonderful dinner."
Bad girls say, "What's for breakfast?"
Good girls never go after another girl's man.
Bad girls go after him AND his brother.
Good girls wear white cotton panties.
Bad girls don't wear any.
Good girls wax their floors.
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot.
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls make chicken for dinner.
Bad girls make reservations.
Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies.
Bad girls know they could do better.
Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss.
Bad girls never do either, unless he's very, very rich.
Good girls believe you're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls.
Bad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls.
Good girls love Italian food.
Bad girls love Italian waiters.
In her own eyes, Julia was the most popular girl around. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry.""Really?" said her date, "And just how many men are you intending to marry?"
What's the difference between a dog barking on the front porch and a woman yelling on the back porch?
The dog quits barking when you let it in!
1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.
5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.
6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage & after marriage.
Woman:
Attempt to wake husband. Feed baby. Make breakfast. Change baby. Wake kids. Dress kids. Walk dog. Feed baby. Drive kids to school. Drag husband out of bed. Do laundry. Iron clothes. Clean house. Make husband lunch. Feed and change baby. Clean house again. Walk dog again. Pick up kids. Pick up school stuff. Clean up dog's mess. Make dinner. Call repair man, plumber, electrician, and exterminator. Swat flies. Yell at kids. Put kids to bed. Change baby. Go to Wal-Mart to stand on line for three hours to get one bag of chips for husband. Clean house again. Go to bed. Get up. Comfort baby. Let dog out. Change baby. Let dog in. Get 10 minutes of sleep.
Man:
Sleep. Go to work. Sleep. Drink coffee. Have wife pick up. Watch football and drink beer. Fall asleep. Go to bathroom. Lift one heavy object for begging wife. Go to bed. Yell at wife to feed baby.
1. Wear a suit and tie in the race. When someone asks why you would wear something like that in a race, say, "Race?? I'm trying to get to work!!!"
2. If they use a starter gun to start the race, when it goes off, fall down and pretend you were hit.
3. Line up directly in front of someone in the front before the race begins. When the race starts walk extremly slowly (or not at all).
4. Do the same as #3 except get enough of your friends to create an unbroken line in front of everyone.
5. In the middle of the race, stop, look around, and say, "Aw, screw it!" and walk off.
6. During the race cut in front of people and stop.
7. At the water stops, throw the water on the people giving it out.
8. At the water stops, take a big swig, spit it out and scream, "What? No vodka??"
9. Pin your racing number to your rear end and make a big show of trying to take off the tag in the finish chute.
10. In a chip race, when you cross the finish line, claim the mat didn't beep for your chip, jumping up and down on it repeatedly.
11. Pass people in the chute.
12. Two words: Silly String.
13. Run backwards and taunt the people behind you. Trip repeatedly.
14. Bring a book and read it while running. Complain how its hard to read with the bouncing/sweat in your eyes.
15. In the start line get into a three-point stance and say to the guy next to you, "C'mon, we can take these guys!" (Wear a football uniform for extra points)
16. Run topless (if you're a woman) or bottomless (if you're a man).
17. After finishing a race, thrust both fists into the air screaming, "Adrian!! I did it! Adrain!!!"
18. Ask the person next to you if they want to eat your Goo.
19. Crawl.
20. Run with someone on your back (piggy-back).
21. Have a friend stand halfway through the race. When you reach him/her pass of your number and walk off to the side as if nothing out of the ordinary happened.
22. Look at someone and say in a Brittish accent, "I think you're wierd. Do you think I'm wierd?" if they say yes, hit them.
23. Challenge other runners to duels.
24. At random times during the race, hit your head repeatedly and scream, "Shut up all of you, I'm trying to run a race here!"
25. Wear a trenchcoat over you're running attire and stand near the finnish line. When the guy in the lead comes close to you, ditch the trenchcoat and run directly behind him, coming in second. :)