63 Reasons Why Janeway is Better than Picard

1. One word: hair
2. More hair than all previous Star Trek commanding officers combined. (10)
3. Drinks coffee, not that sissy "Earl Grey" stuff.
4. Beams down to the planet like real Captains should.
5. Mutes the doctor when the doctor gets out of line.
6. Hasn't let an adolescent pilot the Federation flagship -- yet.
7. Commanded ships blown up: Picard: 2 Janeway: 1
8. Voyager needs a female Captain. Its Captain must be willing to admit they're lost and pull over for
    directions.
9. Picard likes to talk his way through. Janeway likes to punch her way through.
10. Hasn't quoted Shakespeare -- yet.
11. Looks better in sleepwear.
12. Gives guilt trips that would make a Jewish mother proud.
13. Isn't French with an English accent.
14. "Take this cheese to sickbay!" I don't know why this is here, either, but I loved that line!
15. Will give you two days off to ponder your life shattering experience. (3)
16. When Janeway lands her ship, it can take off again. (based on 15)
17. Janeway says "I don't like you!" to her enemies instead of trying to convince them to behave better.
18. To comfort children, Janeway cares for them in a loving motherly way. Picard sings a song...in
      French...about a  monk...who can't wake up for morning bells.
19. The only children on Voyager can be turned off at will.
20. Janeway has a First Officer with a tattoo.
21. She doesn't have any pesky Federation Admirals to get in her way.
22. Three words: Compression Phaser Rifles.
23. Acknowledges freely when she breaks the Prime Directive instead of trying to weasel her way
      out of it with philosophical ramblings.
24. 34 episodes without surrendering the ship.
25. 34 episodes and Wesley has yet to save the ship.
26. Janeway's holo programs create useful things like doctors and lungs. Picard's holodecks create
      maniacal evil geniuses who  yet again take over the ship.
27. She doesn't need to straighten her uniform every time she stands.
28. Janeway has never worn green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood Forest. However, if she did,
     she would look  fantastic!
29. Kirk looked good in ripped shirts; Picard looked good without a shirt; Janeway would look... no,
     they can't do that on network television.
30. Cheese
31. Doesn't force her crew to wear awful outfits, unless it is to blend in with a primitive planet.
32. She doesn't waste time learning foreign languages. All lifeforms in the Delta Quadrant speak perfect
      English.
33. Her engineer does not wear a banana clip over her eyes.
34. Slouches in her chair even in critical life-threatening moments.
35. Doesn't have a Counselor on board (thank God!).
36. Does not hesitate to sacrifice the ship to save the crew.
37. Janeway heard the words "boldly go where no man (er, woman) has gone before" and took them
      to the extreme.
38. Picard tells alien cultures, "I hope our two cultures will one day come to a greater understanding."
      Janeway threatens them with "the deadliest of force".
39. Janeway's Security Chief would never grow a ponytail.
40. The high point of Enterprise cuisine were scrambled eggs that only Worf could stomach.
41. Janeway doesn't have to point which way to go when they set off.
42. Maintains an elaborate hairdo that would baffle even Princess Leia.
43. Has mastered facial expression understood by all to mean, "Boy, Paris, are YOU ever stupid."
44. Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese. I can't help myself!
45. Hugs her Vulcan from time to time.
46. Has a more manly voice.
47. Doesn't have a starship that splits in half when it's in a tight spot.
48. Has a dog and a significant other, not some damn fish!
49. Seven. Troi. No contest.
50. Neelix. Replicator. Ok, this one's debatable.
51. At least she doesn't have to yell "Hot!" at her cook every time she wants something to drink.
52. Her ship has neat-looking folding warp nacelles.
53. Her CONN officer actually went through the Academy.
54. Her CONN officer can use contractions.
55. Her first officer has a hallucinogenic device.
56. None of the crew members' relatives have ever tried to take over the ship, invade the Federation,
      steal a starship, or enslave all humankind.
57. To help her relax, Janeway's first officer helps her contact her spirit guide. Picard's first officer helps
      him get... to Risa.
58. Her telepath left the ship when she became irritating.
59. Her Security Officer draws his phaser at the first hint of trouble.  Picard's Security Officer gets beat
      up by  half the aliens that come aboard.
60. None of the crew members' relatives have ever tried to take over the
       ship, invade the Federation, steal a starship, or enslave all humankind.
61. Riker never smiled at Picard that way.
62. Q asked Janeway to run away with him and she refused.  Q asked Picard's
         girlfriend to run away with him and she accepted.
63. Janeway has more testosterone than Picard could even replicate.

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101 Reasons why Picard is Better than Kirk
 

   1. Two Words: better voice.
   2. Picard's ship's counselor traded in her miniskirt for that great
       low-cut neckline.
   3. Kirk fought over women. Picard had women fight over him.
   4. Picard fire both photon torpedoes AND phasers at the same time
      when in battle.
   5. Picard's ship is better than Kirk's -- better, faster, stronger.
   6. Picard hates children -- Kirk once rescued a bunch of patricidal
      little maniacs, tried to console them, and almost lost his
      ship and crew in the process.
   7. Picard was responsible for Beverly Crusher's husband dying,
      berated her son constantly in her presence, yet still
      managed to make her fall for him.
   8. Though admittedly he's seldom a patron, Picard's ship actually
       has a BAR.
   9. Kirk fought others himself, Picard has others do his fighting for  him.
  10. When nurse Chapel re-appeared as Troi's mother, she fell for
        Picard.
  11. In seven years, Picard never developed a gut like Kirk's.
  12. Picard was never killed by his first officer.
  13. Picard's family made alcoholic beverages for a living.
  14. Kirk kept losing security guards throughout each season; Picard
        has kept Worf for seven years.
  15. No member of Picard's crew was EVER based on a member of the
        Monkees.
  16. Two words: better actor.
  17. Picard can do better impressions of his first officer.
  18 .Picard single-handedly saved the Federation, the Klingon Empire,
       and all of humanity while still a lowly captain.
  19 .Picard's a better musician than Kirk, while admittedly that's not
       saying much.
  20. Picard's crew members sleep with one another on a regular basis.
  21 .Picard's crew gambles.
  22. Picard's engine room has that neat warp coil that glows.
  23. Picard's ship has better control panels instead of a series of
        Lite-Brite boards.
  24. Picard would never star in a show like "T.J. Hooker."
  25. Picard would never have allowed Charlie X aboard his ship.
  26. No sideburns. 'Nuff said.
  27. Picard's first officer never seized control of the ship to
        transport a former captain anywhere.
  28. Despite the Borg incident, Picard is still welcome back at Starfleet
        HQ. Kirks name is an anathema to Starfleet HQ and alien races
        alike.
  29. Picard never ordered his ship to self-destruct as a bluff; when
        he orders it to do so, he MEANS it.
  30. Picard's ship was never taken over by its own computer and made
         to attack other Starfleet vessels.
  31. Picard has never been made into a bad Filmation cartoon.
  32. Picard was able to bring Denise Crosby back from the dead. Need
        we say more?
  33. Picard infiltrated Romulus, posed as an intergalactic mercenary,
        and was tortured extensively after capture by the
        Cardassians -- and never broke a sweat.
  34. Picard has never been demoted.
  35. Picard has never had his body taken over by a former lover.
  36 Picard has never developed amnesia and thought he was an Indian.
  37. Picard has never encountered aliens from weird planets like
       "Zatar."
  38. Picard's quarters have a window.
  39. Nobody ever back-slaps Picard.
  40. Picard was never involved in any hokey shoot-outs at the OK
       corral.
  41 .Picard is a caffeine addict. (All that Earl Grey tea.)
  42 .One word: Leadership.
  43 .Kirk is not a sex symbol. Never was, never will be.
  44 .If Picard had a son, he wouldn't lose a fight to a Klingon whose
        commander was Christopher Lloyd.
  45 .Speaking of losing, Picard has never lost a first officer to a man
       who once made a career out of selling Chrysler Cordobas, either.
  46 .Picard would never be so stupid as to go rock climbing without
       equipment and rely on an overweight first officer with rocket
       boots to save his ass.
  47 .Picard would never stand for playing "Row Row Row your boat"
        around a campfire.
  48 .When Picard enters a room, people fall silent; when Kirk enters
        one, they keep on drinking.
  49 .Picard has that cool, futuristic artificial heart.
  50 .When Picard has an alternate reality experience, it's worth
        watching and caring about.
  51 .Picard never expects the impossible from his engineer.
  52 .When Klingons are aboard Picard's ship, they don't go rampaging
        about with 17th century weaponry.
  53. Picard has more class than Kirk ever had.
  54. If poor judgment were bricks, Kirk would be a housing project.
  55. Picard had the chutzpah to admit when he screwed up instead of
       putting on a face which only made things worse.
  56. Picard doesn't rely on the Organians to help him settle
        intergalactic squabbles.
  57. Picard gets along with the aliens aboard his ship.
  58. It's unlikely Picard ever contracted a sexually-transmitted
        disease.
  59. One word: diagnostic (Never heard it on the old show.)
  60. All that cool technical jargon (Also never heard on old show.)
  61 Picard has hair on his chest.
  62. Picard can actually make being bald, middle-aged, and scrawny
        look sexy & macho.
  63. Kirk sat alone in the middle of his bridge; Picard kept counselor
        Troi within easy reach and view at all times.
  64. Picard has never mutinied or had his crew mutiny against him.
  65. When Picard gets drunk, he tracks mud all over the house and gets
         in a fight. When Kirk gets drunk, he passes out.
  66. Picard hired Whoopi Goldberg to work in his bar.
  67. Picard is not afraid to mind-meld.
  68. Picard's ex kept her name even after the divorce; Kirk's kept it
        a secret even from her son.
  69.Picard like solving mysteries; Kirk couldn't figure one out if he
       tried.
  70.Picard has never messed up with the transporter.
  71.Picard has never been bitten by a mugatto. Nor has he ever
        allowed shape-shifting salt vampires aboard his ship, either.
  72.Picard has never aged prematurely.
  73.Picard wasn't afraid to take on Satan.
  74.Picard knows Gilgamesh & is able to recite it.
  75.Picard argues with his captors while being tortured, Kirk merely
      screams in agony.
  76.Picard never brought a woman back from the 20th Century only to
       have her blow him off in front of the entire Federation assembly.
  77.When Picard talks, people listen.
  78.If Picard were a late-night talk-show host, he'd be Dick Cavett.
       If Kirk were a late-night host, he'd be Chevy Chase.
  79.NO ONE laughs when Picard's Doctor says, "He's dead, Jean-Luc."
  80.Picard has never kissed a Romulan.
  81.Picard has never crashed in San Francisco bay in a pirated
       spacecraft.
  82.Picard would never have brought "Nomad" aboard his ship.
  83.If Khan came aboard Picard's ship, Picard would have had the
       common sense to restrict what technical manuals he would've been
       allowed to review.
  84.If Picard found a huge glowing sphere in the middle of outer
        space only to discover it was controlled by a child with an ugly
        puppet, he'd be pissed.
  85.Picard would never ATTEMPT hand-to-hand combat with a gorn.
  86.Picard would never have dropped the charges against Khan.
  87.Kirk actually tried to defend the idea of intergalactic war with
       the Klingons.
  88.When Kirk went back in time, he frequently messed with history to
       suit his own ends.
  89.Picard probably would have found the Galileo 7 in less time than
       it took Kirk.
  90.Three words: Better costume variety.
  91.Kirk tries, usually unsuccessfully, to respect other cultures.
      Picard tries, usually successfully, to get other cultures to
      respect him.
  92.Kirk's occasional game of choice is 3-D chess, Picard's is poker.

  93."Picard" has more syllables than "Kirk."
  94.Can't forget those neat collar insignias.
  95.Picard's not afraid to deal with more advanced cultures & has
      done so on a number of occassions.
  96.Picard's been on both Klingon birds-of-prey AND the heavy
       cruisers (and lived to tell about it).
  97.When Picard goes undercover, he makes it look easy.
  98.Though Picard has contempt for aliens like the Cardassians, he
      doesn't let it show.
  99.Kirk wears boots -- Picard wears shoes. And as we all know, it's
      gotta be the shoes...
 100.Assimilating has never been a problem for Picard.
 101.Picard has never trashed Gene Roddenberry.
 

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100. Kirk is a leader, not a follower.
99. Kirk never really got into that kinky JUMPSUIT look.
98. Kirk has sex more than once a season.
97. One word. Hair.
96. Another word: Pretty-good-looking-can't-see-the-weave-WIG.
95. Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.
94. Picard is a French man with an English accent.
93. Kirk would date Beverly Crusher -- and damn the consequences!!
92. Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.
91. Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk.
90. Kirk would personally throw Wesley off the bridge.
89. Two words. Shoulder Roll.
88. Kirk doesn't wear dresses when Admirals arrive for lunch.
87. Kirk once said, "I've got a belly-ache -- and it's a beauty."
86. Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis.
85. Kirk can almost drive a stick shift.
84. Kirk, almost single handedly, re-populated the Earth's whale
      population.
83. Kirk says "Prime Directive? What Prime Directive?"
82. Kirk knows 20th century curses.
81. Kirk was NEVER infiltrated by the Borg and used against the
      Federation.
80. Kirk ate little colored cubes and still remained relatively
      healthy.
79. Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
78. Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain tactical
      advantage.
77. Kirk wasn't shy about taking his shirt off -- even around those
      pesky Yeomans.
76. Kirk would never waste a holodeck on something stupid like Dixon
      Hill.
75. Kirk never once stood up and straightened his shirt.
74. One word. Velour.
73. Kirk can beat a Vulcan at chess.
72. When Kirk was Picard's age, he retired from Admiral and took to
      climbing rocks.
71. When Picard was 37, he was only Captain of the lowly freighter
      Stargazer. When Kirk was 37, he was Captain of the
      flagship Enterprise.
70. Kirk liked a good belt of liquor every now and again.
69. One word. Iman.
68. Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.
67. If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he would rip off its head and shit
     down it's neck.
66. Kirk says "Shoot first and wait for retaliation."
65. Kirk's first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge.
64. Kirk never leaves the room to bawl someone out.
63. Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor to get
      him out of intergalactic scrapes.
62. Two words. Funky sideburns.
61. Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
60. Kirk never once said "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!"
59. Kirk is not politically correct.
58. Kirk never got "dumped" by a woman for an intergalactic busy body
      named after a letter of the alphabet.
57. Kirk never wore green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood
      forest.
56. If there was ever a Klingon on Kirk's bridge, Kirk would be dead.
55. Ever hear of a bar shooter called, "Make it so"? No? How about a
      "Beam me up Scotty"? See the difference?
54. One word. Miniskirts.
53. Kirk's girlfriends always looked good in soft light.
52. Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red
      shirts.
51. Kirk's first officer didn't play some wimpy instrument like the
      trombone.
50. Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
49. The extent of Kirk's knowledge of Klingon vocabulary can roughly
      be translated as, "GO FUCK YOURSELF."
48. If something doesn't speak English -- it's toast.
47. Kirk wasn't some prissy archeology fan.
46. Picard's middle name isn't as tough or awe-inspiring as Tiberius.
45. If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
44. Picard never met Joan Collins.
43. Picard flunked his entrance exams to Starfleet.
42. Picard hasn't fathered any children; Kirk--probably millions.
41. Kirk has a cool phaser -- not some pansy Braun mix-master.
40. Two words. Line delivery.
39. Picard grew up on a quaint little French vineyard, squishing
      grapes with his toes, while Kirk slung bales of wheat and hay in Iowa to
      put himself through school.
38. Kirk emphasizes his orations with pertinent hand gestures.
37. Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulfur, potassium nitrate,
      charcoal and then fired diamonds into the hearts of his enemies.
      (Need we say more?)
36. Kirk is not put off by green skin.
35. Kirk knows how to deal with peace loving hippie goofs.
34. Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won.
33. Kirk barely asks for suggestions. And if he does, he asks Spock
      only.
32. Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.
31. One word. Fisticuffs.
30. Kirk's name is hated throughout the galaxy.
29. Kirk appreciates Shakespeare, but he doesn't let it show.
28. You can never lock up Kirk for very long.
27. Kirk's eulogies can actually make you cry.
26. Kirk plays god with lesser countries, and then exploits them for
      their resources.
25. Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.
24. Kirk can climb up a Jefferies tube and fix anything.
23. Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
22. The Klingons didn't have a word for surrender -- until they met
      Kirk.
21. Kirk's bridge is not beige.
20. Two words. Crane shots.
19. Picard likes wimpy violin music -- and coerces Data into playing
      it.
18. Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really
      cute things like tribbles.
17. Kirk is a cultural icon -- Picard is just some guy who is really
      nice.
16. Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge.
15. Kirk would never touch SYNTHANOL.
14. Kirk looked distinguished in reading glasses -- and nobody dares
      call him "four eyes"
13. Kirk can infiltrate gangsters, Nazis, and even the Pentagon --
      easily.
12. Picard likes painting nudes, for art's sake.
11. When Kirk doesn't trust the Romulans, he fires at them. When
      Picard doesn't trust the Romulans, he gets fired at.
10. Kirk never once, ever, wore a wiener wrapping Speedo banana
      hammock on shore leave.
9. Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some pimply acting
     ensign.
8. Kirk doesn't test the engines -- he just fires them up.
7. When Kirk says "Boldly Go", he MEANS it.
6. Three words. Flying leg kick.
5. Picard's crew would never ever think of him as a sexual object.
4. Kirk traveled through the Great Barrier, met God, and wasn't even
    impressed.
3. Kirk's bedroom is a passion pit with electric sheets.
2. Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a pony tail.

And Number 1.....
One word. BALLS.

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Why Sisko is better than Picard

When Sisko got pissed off at Q, he hit him, and Q has never bothered him since.
Sisko uses the holosuite for baseball, not for some stupid holonovel.
Bajorans worship the ground he walks on.
It's his CHOICE to be bald.
He took the time to procreate.
He looks better angry.
He's never been borg.
Smart enough to leave  Worf in command of the Defiant.
Sisko never "surrendered" on his first mission.
Sisko only "surrendered" when ordered to do so by Starfleet (and then did not
necessarily mean it).
When Sisko speaks to "supreme beings" for the first time, he is able to enlist
their aid, not their malicousness.
Sisko makes a much better looking Klingon than Picard does a Romulan.
The resident "child genius" on DS9 is NOWHERE near as irritating as the one on
the Enterprise-D.
We only saw DS9 destroyed ONCE.  I forget how many times we have seen the
Enterprise-D destroyed (it is at least 10).
Sisko knows how to handle Ferengi.
Sisko's  female crew members NEVER dressed like space cheerleaders
Sisko didn't let Worf change his head every season.
Picard replicates tea.  Sisko COOKS gumbo!
Sisko shakes Kirks hand.  Picard would cite the regulations.
Guinan vs. Quark.  Draw your own conclusions.
Sisko would never let a child take over the con.
Kira vs. Riker.  You decide.

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Picard is better than Sisko because..
Picard would never have up and ran away to his daddy.
Picard deals better with crew member deaths.
He has bigger engines.
Picard never fell in love with a traitor.  A thief, maybe, but not a traitor.
Picard is Captain of a STARSHIP, not a spacestation.

(Gee, I guess Sisko is better than Picard)  :)
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Why Harry Kim is Better than Wesley

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