The Yeba!Mailing List presents...

would you settle for second best?

Anything Less than Love is a Waste of your Time
by Leah S. Casta

One of the most recently released that perhaps hit home (cringe!), so
to speak is the low budget "Dream for an Insomniac" starring Ione
Skye and Jennifer Aniston. The lead actor used to be a child star but
unfortunately the movies that catapulted him to fame have slipped my
mind. Try to rent a copy of this movie not because of the talent of
those who starred in it but because of the dialogue. One of the lines
which bore a hole in my heart was, and I quote:

"I don't want to be sixty years old and married to my second best
choice, wondering what ever happened to the one who got away.."

This is just one of the two great lines in that movie, i'll tell you
what the other line is later. Meanwhile, let me concentrate on this
line- the line that sends chills down your spine once you decide to
spend more than five seconds thinking about it.

Have you ever wondered what it must feel like married to the one you
settled on? This truly gives me great feelings of anxiety. It might
be difficult to accept the word "settle" because it conjures up
images of quasi-hapiness and half-hearted glee. Yes, there is some
sort of satisfaction and perhaps, some feeling of security that can
be derived from such a partnership but i wonder, could there be
anything more? To settle is to ultimately accept what is within
reach, what is available, what is there. To settle is to convince
one's self that the decision about to be made is inevitable,
realistic, and safe. To settle is to risk not ever being truly happy
because one adopts the worst type of "bahala na" attitude on life's
greatest challenges. And settling is a sorry consequence of the
passage of time.

Yes, time can be the balm that soothes open, painful wounds in one's
heart but it can also be that dark force that manipulates one's minds
into thinking and believing that the choice one has made is the best
choice.. the only choice. What time does, and i'm sure you'll agree,
is it lodges one's mind and heart in a cage with the door partly open-
with the promise of a better life losing its appeal over the reality
of the present, the convenient and the routine. Time also pressures
one into selecting a suitor or spouse because 'wala ng iba' (there is
no one else), 'nagmamadali na ako' (i'm in a hurry) and there, 'pwede
na rin' (i'll make do)

The wickedness of "settling" is not one-way. It also eventually the
one who was chosen because in all respects, the truth will surface.
You no doubt realize that you just wasted each other's time and
emotions. But then again, if your spouse chose you not because
he/she "settled," then forget about the win-win situation you were
grunning for.

Frankie (Ione Skye) delivered that line when she was deciding whether
or not to do everything possible to win David Shrader's heart. David
happened to be involved with someone else. He was attracted to
Frankie but didn't think it was really wise to split up with his
girlfriend of three years on a limb. Very much like you and me,
Frankie is a very typical of-the-rules girl. She went for David,
bared her soul, and tried to convince him that he will only be happy
with her. She then gave the other great line in the movie:

"Anything less than love is a waste of my time. There are so many
mediocre things in life, and love shouldn't be one of them."