| The Princess Reviews The Faculty |
| Hoooo boy. This is a fun review. I was wired on chocolate cake and PHF power when I saw this. But I'll review it anyway! And no offense whatsoever to people who like this movie or Josh Hartnett. THE FACULTY Now I understand why Gollum cracked. If you ever need a good laugh, I recommend this movie very strongly. It's like Lake Placid. This movie is so bad it's good. And I'm sure that the official PHF viewing of this jones will go down in history. The only real reason one should EVER watch this movie is because Elijah Wood is smokin' hot. I'll start mix summary with reaction a bit here. The movie starts out on a football field. Typical. So the coach is out there, and some funky thing happens, which involves some kinda gross noises. Then they cut to the school at the beginning of what seems to be an average day. Here's where the fun starts. We meet Casey. Our Hero. The Man. So he's supposed to be a geek. Big deal. We all know that no geek could ever, ever, EVER look that hot. So while the other main teenaged characters are being introduced, we find out a lot about Casey. Such as he seems to be run up the flagpole. A lot. And he gets bloody noses. A lot. Poor baby. And while Josh Hartnett's character (gagggaggggaggggaaaggggggg) is being introduced, we see a shot of Our Casey, sitting in a bathroom, stuffing toilet paper up his bleeding nose. Wish I could be there to help him. Anyway… There is a VERY gross part in which the coach and the music teacher kill the principle or something. I was too busy putting dents in Bethany's hand to really notice. Apparently Casey is a photographer for the school newspaper. He and Bitchy Head Cheerleader Girl, Delilah, are snooping around the teacher's lounge. And `Lij says (ooh, I love this line) "You might be a nice person if you weren't too busy being a first-class, grade-A b*tch," or something to that effect. Yummm. They hear voices in the hall. The teachers are coming. So they run into a closet. Lucky little ho. Casey and Delilah-B*tch witness the coach and someone else (umm…can't remember…) killing the nurse. Delilah freaks and clutches Casey. I hate her. So much. Oh, and they find another dead teacher in the closet too. Fun fun. Casey calls police. Police say he's nuts. Parents want to give him therapy. We pretty much get the notion that whatever is controlling the teachers is controlling the parents. There's some more rather irrelevant stuff, Elijah looking hot as ever all the time. Somewhere along the line it's decided that the teachers are being controlled by aliens, ala Invasion of the Body Snatchers. There's some other people that come in along the way, all of whom are incredibly stereotypical and annoying. The Josh Hartnett (gaaggggaaagggggagggggg) character, Zeke, discovers that the aliens need water to survive, and can be killed with some of the "magic dust" that he cooks up in his garage. So they have to find the alien leader person in order to get rid of the aliens. So they all stock up on the magic dust to kill aliens. But first, in order to prove that they're all not aliens, everyone has to sniff some magic dust. So Casey's the first to sniff. He does the whole thing in one go. And the effect is hilarious. Elijah is one of those terrific actors that keeps right on acting, even when the camera's not on him. Through the entire scene, he giggles nonstop, pausing every so often to say something completely asinine. But it's unbelievably adorable, especially when Delilah and Georgia Chick have a bit of an argument (says Casey, in fake deep voice, half-giggling, "Showdownnnnn…"). I still laugh when I think about `Lij "tweaking." The rest of the movie is pretty uneventful from there. They find the Alien leader, and Elijah, being the last person who's not taken over, manages to save the day. With a pen-ful of magic dust. Wonderful movie. Promotes drug use. Apparently a sniff a day will keep the aliens away. I'm not sure if it's Elijah or Casey, but he kept on falling down through the movie. It's so much like me it's scary. But he's sooooooo cute. It's almost painful. Oh, yeah, and Elijah end up with Delilah the B*tch. I was not happy. Wanted to slap her. He's MINE! My preciousssssssss… This is a positively lickable Elijah. And it's a positively forgettable movie. Elijah's great. Everyone else…well, sucked. I wasn't scared. And that's saying a lot. I was only startled. No lasting impressions. After seeing Jaws, I had nightmares for a week. I had a dream with this movie…and it was kind of funny. Then again, it did help that I was watching with Brit and my Betho and Stacewise, heeheehee… So that's it. That's The Faculty. Only see this jones if you need to laugh, or want to kick yourself because there's no one that cute at your school. |