Lou spent her free day relaxing away from the station under a shaded tree. She sat with her dairy reading over past entries and how her feeling have changed. Recently Lou had been keeping to herself lately unsure what to think about her kiss with Jimmy. So much was behind it. What about Kid? He didn't just disappear either. She spent these past few days contemplating her feelings for the two most important men in her life.
During this week Kid had grown fonder and fonder of Samantha, the schoolteacher. Lou saw within Samantha everything Kid wanted to make her into. She realised that she will always love Kid and he'd hold a place in her heart but Samantha was the woman for him.
Kid was too over protective and always smothering her with concern and worry. She didn't mind it sometimes and even enjoyed him fussing over her but other times it was too much. They seemed to argue all the time about this and that. He wanted a woman who could cook, clean, stay at home, entertain guests and need him to protect her and be there for her always. Lou realized she was not that kind of a woman. She enjoyed being free and actually liked doing the guys work around the station. Sure Lou loved to dress up and have all eyes staring at her but she wasn't anywhere near ready to give up her life to be that little house wife for no man.
As she sat with the wind in her hair, her thoughts then turned to Jimmy. He was a man who also worried over her and watched out for her but he also gave her room to breathe and be free. Kid would want to put her in a glass case and show her off to the world but never remove her from it, in fear of breaking what was inside. Jimmy on the other hand had her in a glass case as well but he took her out and shoed her off and let her go where she wanted to. He trusted her abilities and new she was tough enough to hold her own. She realized Jimmy has always owned a part of her soul. She needed him.
She didn't know how to convince Jimmy to open himself up to her and say what she already knows is in his heart. He was a hard man, always hiding his deeper emotions and let very few people in side of him. He loved her but wouldn't hurt Kid to be with her. He felt that the Kid and her were meant for each other but Lou was not sure of that anymore. Lou wanted Jimmy through every fiber of her being since that kiss. Jimmy believed he could not give her the life she deserved but she felt any life with him is what she wanted. Just to be with him, though his hell and back if need be. She had to talk to Kid first. He was out with Samantha and would be back later.
She gathered her belongings and decided t head over to the Watering hole for a therapeutic swim, if the guys weren't there on sure a gorgeous day as this. As she swam around the warm water she never felt so clear on her feelings as she did now. She knew the direction she wanted her life to go. When she returned she saw Kid taking care of Katie in the Barn as she put her horse away.
"Hey Kid, can I talk to you for a minute." Now that she started this conversation she couldn't back out of it. She wasn't sure what would come out of her mouth next.
"Sure Lou, what is it?" Kid said a bit concerningly, as he was worried over what she might say next. To Kid Lou was beautiful to him. He wanted to be with her again but knew some how he couldn't. Not after their last fight.
" I think Samantha is the perfect woman for you." She said honestly.
This made Kid stop dead in his tracks. That was the last thing he'd though she'd say. Those words angered him. He thought Lou was being sarcastic about his new girlfriend.
"What ever you want to say about her Lou, just say it!" Kid snapped.
" I'm being honest Kid. She is everything you tried to change me into and I couldn't handle that. I still care about you Kid and I am actually happy to see that you found someone that makes you happy."
Kid wasn't sure to make of all this. He felt ashamed at his earlier attitude. "I'm sorry Lou, but not even Samantha could ever make me as complete as you have. I still need you."
Those words didn't make what Lou wanted to say any easier. She loved Kid too but came to the honest conclusion that it wouldn't work between them. They had tried, tried and tried again.
"Kid I will always care about you and love you but I can't go on with the constant worry and hysteria you have for me. I'm just too independent for all that. I can't live up to your ideals."
"I don't want you to change, I don't want you any other way than you are right now."
Lou pondered for a moment on how to word her next thoughts… "Kid I see the way you look and smile at Samantha. You wish I could be like her, but I'm not. What I'm going to say now there's only one way to say this…There's someone else that I love who has treated my with respect and believes in my abilities as a person. I'm not saying you never did but he gives be some room to be myself and not try to argue with me every time over what I can and Cannot do. He doesn't want to change me in anyway and lives a life that I want to live, not stationary and constant."
Kid's eyes burned like fire, filled with pain and anger. Those words pierced his heart ripping it to shreds. Lou even saw a tear come down from his eyes.
"I can't deny what I feel Kid, I can't tell my heart what to do. It does it on it's own."
He stared at her, knowing whom Lou was talking about. Lou went on to explain what happened between her and Jimmy by the fire after taking Elias and the Kiss.
Without saying another word Kid stormed ut of the barn and Lou was powerless to stop him.
Lou herself burst into tears as she broke one of her best friends' hearts and now she was in limbo. She drove one man away and now needed to get the other to open up to her.
