And guys - alright we get it. That little band of thorns around your bicep means you're a hardass. Now you can all wear your cutoff shirts and stand in a circle to see whose is bigger. Whose tattoo, I mean.
If you're going to get a tattoo, make it say something about you. Etch "I Used to Eat Paste" in beg Old English letters across your chest. If you're a business major, consider getting a bar-code tattooed on the small of your back. Remember that this is something you're going to have to look at for the rest of your life - even when you get old and your skin gets saggy and your tattoo starts to look like an ink-blot test.
Me, personally, I want one of you tat-happy enthusiasts to do your whole body up in bright blue or red ink like one of the guys from TRON. Then and only then, would you ink your way into my respect.
Last word: girls, if you can, stay away from the lower-back-draw-attention-to-your-ass design tattoo. Any guy who sees that is going to take the number of guys you SAY you've slept with and multiply it by five. Seriously.
-- RP McMurphy
THIS WEEK IN HISTORY: THE BEARKAT
This week in 1891 we became the Sam Houston State University Bearkats. In a dark laboratory, where the Planned Parenthood now stands (you know where that is, don't you Zeta's?), there was a scientist by the name of Viggo Mortenson who was hired by the University to devise the best possible mascot. They wanted something that was ferocious yet quick and sly, only cute and with a prickly tongue. He could think of no creature in existence that could fulfill these criteria, so he decided to make one! He wanted the ferociousness of a bear and the quickness and prickly tongue of a common house cat. Eureka! A Bracket! Early in his experiments, however, he ran into a problem, how does one make a bear and a cat mate? Several dead cats and bears and a fifth of Hennesey later, the experiment worked. The results weren't pretty, but at least now the Bearkat was a real animal worthy of mascotdom. To this day few people know what the real Bearkat looked like, as PR groups have turned it into a lovable fuzzy cartoon with demon eyes.
-- M. Thatcher
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