THE INDIE ROCK SITE CO DOT UK

"The Union Jack, wot wot, sprocket, Glastonbury is important!"

We are still impressed with Madonna. Way impressed. God, we sure seem to like Madonna a lot. Let's talk about her all day.

Hey, Dido is from England. So are Travis and Coldplay. I think we should turn up our noses at all three of them, but be proud that they are kind of big in America. Except Travis. But don't tell us nobody knows Travis over there. It would make us sad.

Don't we like blabbering about some Robbie Williams guy? Ted Williams? Robbie Robertson? Who's that guy that was in Patch Adams? Anyway, uh, he never made it in America and we know that. Let's talk about him almost as much as we talk about Madonna.

THE STROKES AND THE WHITE STRIPES AND THE VINES ALL THOSE BANDS ARE CONQUERING THE ENTIRE PLANET AND SAVING ROCK AND ROLL AND oh wait they have a second album out now. Man, this sucks. What a load of shit. Pompous arseholes, thinking they're so good.

Let's laugh at Thom Yorke. What a silly, paranoid man. Let's also ignore the fact that Radiohead is the one thing people are grateful for currently from our stupid island that can produce no more good music.

Boy, it sure is hip to like R&B. Here in England, we're all about the R&B. How about that Miz Dynamite! Big in America, we hear!

We like taking American acts nobody has heard of and loving them to pieces, especially anything rootsy. If we can't have any good acts, we can at least adopt an unknown American band as British, kind of.

We don't realise how incredibly stupid the Darkness are yet, but if they release a second album, we should get right on schedule to hating them.

It is cool to hate the Beatles, but we like taking frequent polls of the best British albums, and the Beatles must always come in number two (even though it is cool to hate them), behind whatever the current fad is.

Remember the Britpop days? Oh, man, those were the days. Singles and charts and Blur and Oasis. Now why can't we realise it all is a bunch of shite music?

-- Alexis Petridis