When we got wind that an endorser of the esteemed Indie Rock Site would be on Jay Leno to promote the Pineapple Fiesta 2005, we all thought the same thing..."CRAP! LENO SUCKS!" Nonetheless, we wasted NO TIME in acquiring a seat to view this incredible event. So, as soon as the local news signed off, we quickly switched the channel to the Tonight Show to see what Tuxedo Leary would say...except we heard it. So, we watched the show, but we heard what he had to say...we didn't see the words coming out of his mouth.
Jay Leno started the show off just like he always does: with a string of terrible jokes and even worse side bits, including a segment on Mickey Roonie's buttocks. We then began to not pay attention to the show, and gaze off into space. We thought about chickens, and vanilla ice cream.
Suddenly, we were awoke by an incredible sound! "Ladies and Gentlemen... Tuxedo Leary!" And then we remembered where we were, and set our recliners to RECLINE. Tuxedo wasted NO TIME in weaving a tapestry of tales on all the goings ons here at the Pineapple Fiesta 2005, and only spent a few moments on his recent achievement of being nominated for a Golden Globe. He talked about the opening night of the celebration, and of all the PINEAPPLE toting people toting PINEAPPLES. He also had quite a few HILARIOUS words on his experience of "cutting the rug" with Clean-Cut and Owl-Eyes Leary, both who have supported this Fiesta ever since it began.
He went on for about half an hour on how glorious the Pineapple Fiesta 2005 was, and then his tone changed when he ran out of things to say, and Jay Leno was forced to inquire as to the weather."GOD, JAY! THE WORLD IS GONNA END!" he screamed, as he fell to his knees sobbing. We thought this was a good time to go get some popcorn. When we came back, Tuxedo had just defeated Jay in a Gin Swilling contest and Kevin Eubanks was playing his guitar. It was the best popcorn we ever had.