"The halfway house for you rap likers"
So, in a surprising move, we were contacted by people in the "higher-ups" and were told that Saki, our newest reporter of the Asian Persuasion, would be allowed to sit down with President George W! You can imagine how Saki felt, and so he came up with some grueling questions that he felt NEEDED to be answered in order for this country to go on like this. So, here it is!
George Washington: Yes, you do.
Saki: Have you ever dealt with woman?
George Washington: In one form or another. I had a run in with a few "relatives" which gave me some experience which gave me experience in how to deal with different woman personalities, but, overall I know they are never fully predictable and must be kept under careful observation before being released back into the wild.
Saki: What channel is the History Channel on and why?
George Washington: 49. It is the amount of viewers they have on average multiplied by the amount of viewers they don't have on average.
Saki: What vitamin is most likely to be treasured?
George Washington: B12
Saki: Who auctioned off my family as slaves? Explain your answer.
George Washington: It was Colonel Boatstein, of the Huckleberry Water Assoc. Back in 1934, his father, Colonel Boatstein, devoted half of his life to auctioning off wealthy, middle-class families as slaves, and spent the other half as a moon-shiner in North Dakota. Through the generations, both occupations have been handed down from father to son along with the name Colonel Boatstein. It is now known that Colonel Boatstein has abducted your family and auctioned them off, not in any manner of cruelty, it was just what he was razed to do.
Saki: Where are the documents??
George Washington: In Spain
Saki: And finally, during the "Cola Wars" of the 1980s, Coca Cola was widely perceived as the loser, even though they sold more products than Pepsi Cola. How did the Pepsi Cola marketing machine engineer this? And how did lesser colas such as Dr. Pepper feature in the "Cola Wars?"
George Washington: Early in the war, Pepsi Cola had the benefit of not being laced with cocaine as Coca Cola had been during that time. Though this trait appealed to 20-something disco goers, it did not sit well with Coca Cola and Pepsi Cola's target audience: grandmas.
Though Coca Cola finally managed to get Santa Claus' endorsement, after many great legal compromises, Pepsi Cola engineered a mass Blind Taste Test...allowing people of all shapes and sizes to sample their product by buying it. This occurred in March of 1984 and was not soon forgotten, as it was looked upon by historians as the "Final Assault" of the Cola Wars, even though their sales dropped considerably after that month.
Though these wars eventually brought ruination to the Cola Industry, Dr. Pepper and Mellow Yellow wer able to slug it out in the foothills of the early war, and managed to hold barely enough to slip through the major onslaught and onto critical acclamation in the early and mid-90s when Coca Cola and Pepsi Cola were still licking their wounds from a virtual nuclear war created from this whole ordeal.
Saki: Your grade is 38.
George Washington:
Saki: Next time I won't be so leniet...which is French for lenient.
George Washington: This is an interview! I'm not supposed to be graded! What were the right answers then!?
Saki: Your answers were correct. The majority of your errors were capitalization and puncuation.
George Washington: Leave.