THE INDIE ROCK SITE
"Calvin Coolidge was our President!"
Rather Rather Writhered after Wrath of Rotten Records
By: Charles Muner
    In the wake of the scandal that has rocked CBS, Dan Rather seems a little bit...old. Yes, the twenty something sex icon of the 60s and 70s seems to have finally went ROLLING over the hill. "This last ordeal really must have pushed him to the limit." says CBS spokeswoman Natasha Marx. "We really thought we could hold onto him for a while...maybe even after he died. Just to use as a decoration, suspended in chemicaly forged animation. Now we just have to throw him out with the trash."
     In his younger, more surely days, Dan Rather was the original man on the roll of Downey Paper Towels that you might have seen ten years ago. If you have any of those still in mint condition, they're probably collectors items! Rather was the epitome of "sexpot." Starring alongside Marylin Monroe in many of her films, and then even broadcasting his own body builder series during the early 80s, which starred special guest appearances by Chuck Norris, Regis Philbin, and Arnold Schwarzzblah you know, before he was offered the job of top anchor at CBS.
     Yet, this latest rash of scandals, from the misinformation about the names of Hurricanes, to the divulging of military records accusing President Bush of being lazy in the military way, has certainly dropped his sex appeal to an all-time low.
    "This is the first time since we've been in business that Dan Rather was replaced by Chris Martin as the number one search on all of our sites." says Garth Harrington, founder of lookingfordan.com. "He was to our site as the Bible is to the New York Times best sellers list. He got so many hits we had to take him off!"
     Rather has not expressed any feelings about his sudden loss of attention, but in a supposed effort to boost his ratings, a second Paris Hilton video has emerged. This time, it seems a 20 something Dan Rather knocks at Paris' door. She wasn't born when he was 20, so she doesn't answer. We don't think this will work. Dan is old. You are old. But there's still Chris Matthews, fellas.

Muner isn't a word.