QuotATIONS! -Hari P. Khan
| The Princess Bride |
Seriously, though... |
Bridget Jones's Diary |
| Oscar Wilde | Yeah, whatever, that's funny. Hee. | The Simp-sonnns |
Yep. Still at it.
Be serious.
"A memory is a photograph taken by the heart to make a special moment last forever." "Forgiveness is the fragrance that the flower leaves on the heel of the one that crushed it." "If I had but two loaves of bread, I would sell one and buy hyacinths, for they would feed my soul." "I've been lucky. Opportunities don't often come along. So, when they do, you have to grab them." "The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money." "To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world." "We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." "When we become aware of our humility, we've lost it." "You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her." "You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry someone you can't live without." "Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep." "A good conscience is to the soul what health is to the body; it preserves constant ease and serenity within us; and more than countervails all the calamities and afflictions which can befall us from without." "Music, the greatest good that mortals know and all of heaven we have hear below." "It is easy when we are in prosperity to give advice to the afflicted." "Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats." "He loves but little who can say and count in words, how much he loves." "True leadership is the art of changing a group from what it is to what it ought to be." "Let mystery have its place in you; do not be always turning up your whole soil with the ploughshare of self-examination, but leave a little fallow corner in your heart ready for any seed the winds may bring ..." "True hope dwells on the possible, even when life seems to be a plot written by someone who wants to see how much adversity we can overcome." "Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean." "If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities." "Different men seek...happiness in different ways and by different means." "Friendship consists of only one soul; inhabiting two bodies." "Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence." "Homer has taught all other poets the art of telling lies skillfully." "I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is the victory over self." "My best friend is the man who in wishing me well wishes it for my sake." "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit." "The worst bankruptcy in the world is the person who has lost his enthusiasm." "Resolve to be thyself: and know, that he who finds himself, loses his misery." "It is costly wisdom that is brought by experience." "In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes." "Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." "The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are." "The true worth of a man is to be measured by the objects he pursues." "It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final." "Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years." "Knowledge is power." "Prosperity doth best discover vice; but adversity doth best discover virtue." "Respect is what we owe; love, what we give." "The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side." "Laws are spider webs through with the big files pass and the little ones get caught." "The refusal to choose is a form of choice; disbelief is a form of belief." "Nothing splendid has every been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstances." "You have reached the pinnacle of success as soon as you become uninterested in money, compliments, or publicity." "If you do not love me I shall not be loved "As soon as questions of will or decision or reason or choice of action arise, human science is at a loss." "A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support." "Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future." "The great difficulty with politics is that there are no established principles." "A God who let us prove his existence would be an idol." "There are no limits to either time or distance, except as man himself may make them. I have but to touch the wind to know these things." "Doubt who you will, but never yourself." "When you love someone all your saved-up wishes start coming out." "The best scientist is open to experience and begins with romance--the idea that anything is possible." "The world has achieved brilliance without conscience. Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants." "A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her." "To say, 'well done' to any bit of good work is to take hold of the powers which have made the effort and strengthen them beyond our knowledge." "The only limits are, as always, those of vision." "Beauty can't amuse you, but brainwork--reading, writing, thinking--can." "Take away love and our earth is a tomb." "'It is destiny' - phrase of the weak human heart! 'It is destiny' - dark apology for every error! The strong and virtuous admit no destiny." "There is a boundary to men's passions when they act from feelings; but none when they are under the influence of imagination." "When you have a dream you've got to grab it and never let go." "A dog wags its tail with its heart." "Respect is love in plain clothes." "Adversity is the first path to truth." "The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself." "All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning. Great works are often born on a street corner or in a restaurant's revolving door." "Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend." "Nothing is more terrible than activity without insight." "Genius is the ability to reduce the complicated to the simple." "He who loses wealth loses much; he who loses a friend loses more; but he that loses courage loses all." "The proof of the pudding is in the eating. By a small sample we may judge of the whole piece." "Man is what he believes." "It is a mistake to look too far ahead. Only one link in the chain of destiny can be handled at a time." "Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened." "Nothing is more costly, nothing is more sterile, than vengeance." "The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes." "The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity." "The price of greatness is responsibility." "Confidence is that feeling by which the mind embarks on great and honorable courses with a sure hope and trust in itself." "He removes the greatest ornament of friendship, who takes away from it respect." "The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible." "A good teacher, like a good entertainer, first must hold his audience's attention. Then he can teach the lesson." "Statistics are no substitute for judgment." "Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours." "Advice is like snow -- the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks into the mind." "Half our mistakes in life arise from feeling where we ought to think, and thinking where we ought to feel." "True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost." "To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right." "Do just once what others say you can't do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again." "There's no labor a man can do that's undignified, if he does it right." "Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude." "Hope is independent of the apparatus of logic." "How things look on the outside of us depends on how things are on the inside of us." "I am not a scientist. I am, rather, an impresario of scientists." "Live out of your imagination, not your history." "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." "...For better or worse, our future will be determined in large part by our dreams and by the struggle to make them real." "A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway." "Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." "In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what not to do the next time." "Listen to your intuition. It will tell you everything you need to know." "Never let your persistence and passion turn into stubbornness and ignorance." "The people who oppose your ideas are inevitably those who represent the established order that your ideas will upset." "Your mind is like a parachute. It only works if it is open." "The man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life." "We must, however, acknowledge, as it seems to me, that man with all his noble qualities, still bears in his bodily frame the indelible stamp of his lowly origin." "All our knowledge has its origins in our perceptions."
"Obstacles cannot crush me; every obstacle yields to stern resolve."
"The journey in between what you once were and who you are now becoming is where the dance of life really takes place." "One is not born a genius, one becomes a genius." "Sometimes the situation is only a problem because it is looked at in a certain way. Looked at in another way, the right course of action may be so obvious that the problem no longer exists." "The most heroic word in all languages is revolution." "I consider the discovery of a dish which sustains our appetite and prolongs our pleasures as a far more interesting event than the discovery of a star." "When we know to read our own hearts, we acquire wisdom of the hearts of others." "There is more treasure in books than in all the pirates' loot on Treasure Island...and best of all, you can enjoy these riches every day of your life." "When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken." "Sir, more than kisses, letters mingle souls." "Neither man or nation can exist without a sublime idea." "If you want to see what children can do, you must stop giving them things." "Beware the fury of a patient man." "What passions cannot music raise or quell?" "Man shapes himself through decisions that shape his environment." "A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do." "Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless." "We must teach our children to dream with their eyes open." "Einstein's Three Rules of Work: 1) Out of clutter find simplicity; 2) From discord find harmony; 3) In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." "Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts." "Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love." "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." "I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough." "It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education." "I would rather be an optimist and a fool, than a pessimist and right." "So long as they don't get violent, I want to let everyone say what they wish, for I myself have always said exactly what pleased me." "Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing." "The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge." "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing." "The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious." "Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value." "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." "What really interests me is whether God had any choice in the creation of the world." "What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog." "Neither a wise man nor a brave man lies down on the tracks of history to wait for the train of the future to run over him." "The remarkable thing about television is that it permits several million people to laugh at the same joke and still feel lonely." "When you Love someone, you hate for them to suffer, you want to take that suffering on yourself. If even I feel this way, why doesn't God?" "A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him, I may think aloud." "All persons are puzzles until at last we find some word or act the key to the man, to the woman; straightaway all their past words and actions lie in light before us." "A man's action is only a picture book of his creed." "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." "Ideas must work through the brains and arms of good and brave men, or they are no better than dreams." "I dip my pen in the blackest ink, because I am not afraid of falling into my inkpot." "Imagination is not a talent of some men but is the health of every man." "Money often costs too much." "Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm." "Respect the child. Be not too much his parent. Trespass not on his solitude." "Self-trust is the first secret of success." "Some of your hurts you have cured, "The essence of greatness is the perception that virtue is enough." "The secret of education lies in respecting the pupil." "To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven." "We judge of man's wisdom by his hope." "Wise men put their trust in ideas and not in circumstances." "Win as if you were used to it, lose as if you enjoyed it for a change." "Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends." "Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all." "In forming a bridge between body and mind, dreams may be used as a springboard from which man can leap to new realms of experience lying outside his normal state of consciousness." "It's how you deal with failure that determines how you achieve success." "Adversity is the trial of principle. Without it man hardly knows whether he is honest or not." "Keeping score of old scores and scars, getting even and one-upping, always makes you less than you are." "Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right."
"I suggest that the only books that influence us are those for which we are ready, and which have gone a little further down our particular path than we have gone ourselves."
"Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon."
"Most men pray for power, the strength to do things. Few people pray for love, the quality to be someone."
"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."
"The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young minds for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards."
"The best way to escape from a problem is to solve it."
"If passion drives, let reason hold the reins." "Beware of little expenses. A small leak will sink a great ship." "If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise." "A dream is a microscope through which we look at the hidden occurrences in our soul." "Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important product of his effort is his own personality." "Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length." "There are two kinds of teachers: the kind that fill you with so much quail shot that you can't move, and the kind that just gives you a little prod behind and you jump to the skies."
"The real contest is always between what you've done and what you're capable of doing. You measure yourself against yourself and nobody else." "Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behaviors. Keep your behaviors positive because your behaviors become your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny." "Excellence is doing ordinary things extraordinarily well." "Leaders have a significant role in creating the state of mind that is society." "I shut my eyes in order to see." "True friendship comes when silence between 2 people is comfortable." "If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were." "We love because it's the only true adventure." "The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions." "A science is any discipline in which the fool of this generation can go beyond the point reached by the genius of the last generation." "The years forever fashion new dreams when old ones go. God pity a one-dream man." "What happens is not as important as how you react to what happens." "Buttercup stood, made her bed, changed her clothes, combed her hair, smiled, and burst out again in a fit of weeping. Because there was a limit to just how much you could lie to yourself." "Truth isn't always beauty, but the hunger for it is." "A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends." "Labor disgraces no man; unfortunately, you occasionally find men who disgrace labor." "What is genius, anyway, if it isn't the ability to give an adequate response to a great challenge?" "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." "Whoever acquires knowledge and does not practice it resembles him who ploughs his land and leaves it unsown." "Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent." "Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." "I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image." "My goal is simple. It is complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all." "Oh, what lies there are in kisses." "Great genius takes shape by contact with another great genius, but, less by assimilation than by fiction." "Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them." "Concentrate your strengths against your competitor's relative weaknesses." "Love makes me write what shame forbids me speak." "Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit." "The victor will never be asked if he told the truth." "It is by no means certain that our individual personality is the single inhabitant of these our corporeal frames... We all do things both awake and asleep which surprise us. Perhaps we have cotenants in this house we live in." "Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions." "The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract." "Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." "In my opinion, we are in danger of developing a cult of the Common Man, which means a cult of mediocrity." "Fences are made for those who cannot fly." "One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man." "The best way to prepare for life is to begin to live." "The teacher is one who makes two ideas grow where only one grew before." "Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent." "There is one thing stronger than all the armies in the world: and that is an idea whose time has come." "The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which mean never losing your enthusiasm." "Logical consequences are the scarecrows of fools and the beacons of wise men." "My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life." "An inexhaustible good nature is one of the most precious gifts of heaven, spreading itself like oil over the troubled sea of thought, and keeping the mind smooth and equable in the roughest weather." "A tart temper never mellows with age, and a sharp tongue is the only edged tool that grows keener with constant use." "Great minds have purposes, others have wishes." "The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind." "The mysterious is always attractive. People will always follow a veil." "Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion." "Put three grains of sand inside a vast cathedral, and the cathedral will be more closely packed with sand than space is with stars." "I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past." "Law and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind." "Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted with the government of himself. Can he, then, be trusted with the government of others? Or have we found angels in the forms of kings to govern him? Let history answer this question." "That government is best which governs the least, because its people discipline themselves." "The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield and government to gain ground." "It's odd that you can get so anesthetized by your own pain or your own problem that you don't quite fully share the hell of someone close to you." "How incredible it is that in this fragile existence we should hate and destroy one another. There are possibilities enough for all who will abandon mastery over others to pursue mastery over nature. There is world enough for all to seek their happiness in their own way." "A desire of knowledge is the natural feeling of mankind; and every human being whose mind is not debauched will be willing to give all that he has to get knowledge." "Men hate more steadily than they love." "Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings." "Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile." "One thing you will probably remember well is any time you forgive and forget."
"Children have more need of models than of critics." "It was the old notion that justice should not arise from laws, but laws from justice."
"We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses."
"When it seems that our sorrow is too great to be borne, let us think of the great family of the heavy-hearted into which our grief has given us entrance, and inevitably, we will feel about us, their arms and their understanding." "The poor man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without a dream." "We must seek, above all, a world of peace; a world in which peoples dwell together in mutual respect and work together in mutual regard." "The basic problems facing the world today are not susceptible to a military solution." "I am a part of all that I have read." "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." "Take away paradox from the thinker and you have a professor." "If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew to serve your turn long after they are gone, and so hold on when there is nothing in you except the will which says to them: 'Hold on!'" "The principal mark of genius is not perfection but originality, the opening of new frontiers." "In the world of human thought generally, and in physical science particularly, the most important and fruitful concepts are those to which it is impossible to attach a well-defined meaning." "Leadership is getting someone to do what they don't want to do, to achieve what they want to achieve." "Two men look out the same prison bars; one sees mud and the other stars." "Commonplace minds usually condemn what is beyond the reach of their understanding." "Conceit causes more conversation than wit." "Passion often turns the cleverest men into idiots and makes the greatest blockheads clever." "Failures are usually the most conceited of men." "Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly and without law, and must be plucked where it is found, and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration." "Genius is only a greater aptitude for patience." "Do not become paralyzed and enchained by the set patterns which have been woven of old. No, build from your own youthful feeling, your own groping thought and your own flowering perception..." "It is with our passions as with fire and water, they are good servants, but bad masters." "The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it." "A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents." "I don't think much of a man who is not wiser today than he was yesterday." "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." "No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar." "Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves." "The assertion that 'all men are created equal' was of no practical use in effecting our separation from Great Britain and it was placed in the Declaration not for that, but for future use." "This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or exercise their revolutionary right to overthrow it." "It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf." "The discipline of desire is the background of character." "In great attempts it is glorious even to fail" "It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up." "The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will." "The quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor." "Optimists are right. So are pessimists. It's up to you to choose which you will be." "A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination." "There is no medicine like home, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow." "Only a mediocre person is always at his best." "It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument." Humility leads to strength and not to weakness. It is the highest form of self-respect to admit mistakes and to make amends for them." "Those who fear the imagination condemn it: something childish, they say, something monsterish misbegotten. Not all of us dream awake. But those of us who do have no choice." "We won't have a society if we distroy the environment." "To be or not to be is not a question of compromise. Either you be or you don't be." "Friendship is one mind in two bodies." "A man paints with his brains and not with his hands." "Faith in oneself .. is the best and safest course." "Give me the liberty to know, to utter, and to argue freely according to conscience, above all liberties." "Perhaps the reward of the spirit who tries is not the goal but the exercise." "I respect faith but doubt is what gets you an education." "In the battle of existence, talent is the punch; tact is the clever footwork." "There is no stronger bond of friendship than a mutual enemy." "Shall I ask the brave soldier who fights by my side in the course of mankind if our creeds agree?" "The only luck or limitations is in your own mind." "If you did not look after today's business then you might as well forget about tomorrow." "My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed." "Nor do I hear in my imagination the parts successively, I hear them all at once. What a delight this is! All this inventing, this producing, takes place in a pleasing, lively dream." "You know what I think about violence. For me it is profoundly moral, more moral than compromises and transactions." "You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions." "A master can tell you what he expects of you. A teacher, though, awakens your own expectations." "The bad teacher imposes his ideas and his methods on his pupils, and such originality as they may have is lost in the second-rate art of imitation." "The good teacher ... discovers the natural gifts of his pupils and liberates them by the stimulating influence of the inspiration that he can impart." "A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust." "People stay married because they want to, not because the doors are locked." "There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over." "A person's maturity consists in having found again the seriousness one had as a child, at play." "Perhaps I know why it is man alone who laughs: He alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter." "Risk is essential. There is not growth of inspiration in staying within what is safe and comfortable. Once you find out what you do best, why not try something else?" "TV gives everyone an image, but radio gives birth to a million images in a million brains." "Dreams are . . . illustrations from the book your soul is writing about you." "The secret of business is to know something that nobody else knows." "An aim in life is the only fortune worth finding." "The intelligent man is one who has successfully fulfilled many accomplishments, and is yet willing to learn more." "You can handle people more successfully by enlisting their feelings than by convincing their reason." "The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity." "I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom." "If it were not for space, all matter would be jammed together in one lump and that lump wouldn't take up any room." "Ignorance once dispelled is difficult to reestablish." "One of the secrets of life is to keep our intellectual curiosity acute." "Everything you can imagine is real."
"A vision is not a vision unless it says yes to some ideas and no to others, inspires people and is a reason to get out of bed in the morning and come to work." "The measure of the man is what he does with power." "At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet." "Thinking: The talking of the soul with itself." "Even a nod from a person who is esteemed is of more force than a thousand arguments or studied sentences form others." "War should belong to the tragic past, to history. It should find no place on humanity's agenda for the future." "A city is a large community where people are lonesome together." "If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less but to dream more, to dream all the time." "Never get angry. Never make a threat. Reason with people." "A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's." "Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared." "Nothing has any power over me other than that which I give it through my conscious thoughts." "A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship." "The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." "In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." "Why is propaganda so much more successful when it stirs up hatred than when it tries to stir up friendly feeling?" "The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn." "History is full of people who out of fear, or ignorance, or lust for power has destroyed knowledge of immeasurable value which truly belongs to us all. We must not let it happen again." "I believe that the extraordinary should be pursued. But extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence." "Our loyalties are to the species and the planet. We speak for Earth. Our obligation to survive is owed not just to ourselves but also to that Cosmos, ancient and vast, from which we spring." "Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." "When you make the finding yourself--even if you're the last person on Earth to see the light--you'll never forget it." "A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral." "Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction." "I have had dreams, and I've had nightmares. I overcame the nightmares because of my dreams." "Do more than you're supposed to do and you can have or be or do anything you want." "Memory is the personal journalism of the soul." "Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world." "There's something beautiful about finding one's innermost thoughts in another." "Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost." "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius--and a lot of courage--to move in the opposite direction." "A man to carry on a successful business must have imagination. He must see things as in a vision, a dream of the whole thing." "I have yet to find the man, however exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism." "Any religion or philosophy which is not based on a respect for life is not a true religion or philosophy." "Do something for somebody every day for which you do not get paid." "Example is not the main thing influencing others. It is the only thing." "I cannot but have reverence for all that is life. I cannot avoid compassion for everything that is called life. That is the beginning and foundation of morality." "In the hope of reaching the moon men fail to see the flowers that blossom at their feet." "Never say there is nothing beautiful in the world anymore. There is always something to make you wonder in the shape of a tree, the trembling of a leaf." "One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity." "The most valuable knowledge we can have is to how to deal with disappointments." "There is no higher religion than human service. To work for the common good is the greatest creed." "We must never permit the voice of humanity within us to be silenced. It is man's sympathy with all creatures that first makes him truly a man." "All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time." "If music be the food of love, play on." "Ignorance is the curse of God. / Knowledge the wing where with we fly to heaven." "I never knew so young a body with so old a head." "It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves." "Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt." "The fool thinks himself to be wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool." "The miserable have no other medicine / But only hope." "They do not love that do not show their love." "You yourself, sir, shall grow old as I am if like a crab you could go backward." "Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh." "All great truths begin as blasphemies." "You must go after your wish. As soon as you start to pursue a dream, your life wakes up and everything has meaning. " "Life's up and downs provide windows of opportunity to determine your values and goals. Think of using all obstacles as stepping stones to build the life you want." "The first half of life is spent mainly in finding out who we are through seeing ourselves in our interaction with others." "May you have the greatest two gifts of all on these holidays; someone to love and someone who loves you." "If a man would move the world, he must first move himself." "I was not looking for my dreams to interpret my life, but rather for my life to interpret my dreams." "Change never helps those who do not help themselves." "Rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud." "Your faith is what you believe, not what you know." "I'm like the boy who stubbed his toe in the dark. I'm too old to cry and it hurts too much to laugh." "Power corrupts, but lack of power corrupts absolutely." "Truth, like surgery, may hurt, but it cures." "For some life lasts a short while, but the memories it holds last forever." "Vision is the art of seeing things invisible." "It is a bad plan that admits of no modification." "Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought." "The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws." "I prefer concrete examples to orotund pronouncements." "Love is the only gold." "O tell her, brief is life but love is long." "Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control. These three alone lead to sovereign power." "Be true to your work, your word, and your friend." "Dreams are the touchstones of our character." "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." "If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." "If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours." "It is never too late to give up your prejudices." "Not only must we be good, but we must also be good for something." "What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on?" "Of all manifestations of power, restraint impresses men the most." "There are two kinds of light-the glow that illumines, and the glare that obscures." "Happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them." "The function of genius is not to give new answers, but to pose new questions which time and mediocrity can resolve." "Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." "If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." "It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them." "Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." "The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them." "Those who have knowledge, don't predict. Those who predict, don't have knowledge. " "Write to me....And let not the ink serve as a mask." "If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires." "It is better to be high-spirited even though one makes more mistakes, than to be narrow-minded and all too prudent." "Having the genetic code is actually not a very important moment other than it is the beginning of what we can do with it." "Recognize joy when it arrives in the plain brown wrappings of everyday life." "They are able because they think they are able." "Prejudice is an opinion without judgment." "It is the great triumph of genius to make the common appear novel." "Talent develops in quiet places, character in the full current of human life." "Be careful what you pretend to be, because in the end, you are what you pretend to be." "To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity." "Excellence is to do a common thing in an uncommon way." "I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which one has overcome while trying to succeed." "No race can prosper till it learns that there is as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem." "The world cares very little about what a man or woman knows; it is what the man or woman is able to do that counts." "You can't hold a man down without staying down with him." "Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder."
"Some men have thousands of reasons why they cannot do what they want to, when all they need is one reason why they can." "Of all the words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these... it might have been." "You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." "One cool judgment is worth a thousand hasty counsels. The thing to do is to supply light and not heat." "We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter's evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them." "A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." "If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." "It is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes comes to the top." "All good poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquility." "That best portion of a good man's life, his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love." "We live by admiration, hope and love." "An idea is salvation by imagination."
"A man's doubts and fears are his worst enemies." "When two men in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary." "The sweetest of all sounds is praise." "Personality is born out of pain. It is the fire shut up in the flint." "Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship." "The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials." "At the end of the game the king and the pawn go back in the same box." "Don't limit a child to your own learning, for he was born in another time." "A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."
"A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a fool can from a mountain top."
Bridget Jones's Diary
"He turned round, revealing that what had seemed from the back like a harmless navy sweater was actually a V-neck diamond-patterned in shades of yellow and blue-as favored by the more elderly of the nation's sports reporters. As my friend Tom often remarks, it's amazing how much time and money can be saved in the world of dating by close attention to detail. A white sock here, a pair of red braces there, a gray slip-on shoe, a swastika, are as often as not all one needs to tell you there's no point writing down phone numbers and forking out for expensive lunches because it's never going to be a runner."
"Being a woman is worse than being a farmer-there is so much harvesting and crop spraying to be done: legs to be waxed, underarms shaved, eyebrows plucked, feet pumiced, skin exfoliated and moisturized, spots cleansed, roots dyed, eyelashes tinted, nails filed, cellulite massaged, stomach muscles exercised. The whole performance is so highly tuned you only need to neglect it for a few days for the whole thing to go to seed. Sometimes I wonder what I would be like if left to revert to nature--with a full beard and handlebar moustache on each shin, Dennis Healey eyebrows, face a graveyard of dead skin cells, spots erupting, long curly fingernails like Struwwelpeter, blind as a bat and stupid runt of species as no contact lenses, flabby body flubbering around. Ugh, ugh. Is it any wonder girls have no confidence?"
"She was sitting in front of the mirror in an expensive-looking coffee-colored bra-slip, mascara-ing her eyelashes with her mouth wide open (necessity of open mouth during mascara application great unexplained mystery of nature)."
"One side of my hair was plastered to my head, the other sticking out in a series of peaks and horns. It is as if the hairs on my head have a life of their own, behaving perfectly sensibly all day, then waiting till I drop off to sleep and starting to run and jump about childishly, saying, 'Now what shell we do?'"
"Men, he claims, view themselves as permanently on some sort of sexual ladder with all women either above or below them. If the woman is 'below' (i.e. willing to sleep with him, very keen on him) then in a Groucho Marx kind of way he does not want to be a member of her 'club.' This whole mentality depresses me enormously but Tom said not to be naïve and if I really love Daniel and want to win his heart I have to ignore him and be as cold and distant to him as possible."
"'How's your love life, anyway?' Weird and Wilde Stuff.
"There are people who say I have never really done anything wrong in my life; of course, they only say it behind my back."
"Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear."
"Friendship is much more tragic than love. It lasts longer."
"I am always astonishing myself. It is the only thing that makes life worth living."
"It is a much cleverer thing to talk nonsense than to listen to it."
"Men always want to be a woman's first love--women like to be a man's last romance."
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
"My own business bores me to death. I prefer other people's."
"Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul."
"One should always be a little improbable."
"One should either be a work of art, or wear a work of art."
"Passion makes one think in a circle."
"The growing influence of women is the one reassuring thing in our political life."
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."
"The supreme vice is shallowness."
"There is no sin except stupidity."
"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
"What a pity that in life we only get our lessons when they are of no use to us."
"Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others."
--all Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
Lighten up.
"A century ago women wore unmentionables; today they wear nothing to speak of." "A conclusion is what you've come to when you reach the point where you can't think anymore." "A deadline has a marvelous ability to concentrate the mind." "Blessed is the man who has nothing to say and refrains from giving evidence to that fact." "Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way." "I get plenty of exercise--jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines." "Drinking doesn't drown your troubles. It simply irrigates them." "Many never test their powers of deduction, except when filling out a tax forms." "Reality can be beaten with enough imagination." "There's a very fine line between a groove and a rut; a fine line between eccentrics and people who are just plain nuts." "We need laws that protect everyone. Men and women, straights and gays, regardless of sexual perversion...ah, persuasion." "My grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a thorn." "A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." "Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job." "I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." "Never let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you." Ade's Law - "Anybody can win--unless there happens to be a second entry." "Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted." "Brains, integrity, and force may be all very well, but what you need today is Charm. Go ahead and work on your economic programs if you want to, I'll develop my radio personality." "I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose." "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying." "Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, but it sure heats up the blood." "Lord give me chastity--but not yet." "Money is a terrible master but an excellent servant." "Puns are little plays on words that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead, when in fact what you are thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a lifeboat, the other passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of the first day even if they have plenty of food and water." "Forty for you, sixty for me "Taxation WITH representation ain't so hot either." "Critics are like eunuchs in a harem. They're there every night, they see how it should be done every night, but they can't do it themselves." "Resolve to make each day the very best and don't let anyone get in your way. If they do, step on them." "Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies." "Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, "You're only interested in one thing," and you can't remember what it is. "The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success." "AGE, n. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we have no longer the enterprise to commit." "EDUCATION, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding." "Before I begin, I'd like to recite the Lawyer's Prayer: Lord, please let there be strife and misery among your people, Lest your servant starve..." "Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead." "It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows." "Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery." "People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman." "People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow." "Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him." "The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again." "Anyone who eats three meals a day should understand why cookbooks outsell sex books three to one." "Once a new technology rolls over you, if you're not part of the steamroller, you're part of the road." "Grub first, then ethics." "Anyone that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office." "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall down an open manhole cover and die." "I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." "Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love." "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." "For seven and half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex...uh...setbacks." "In law, nothing is certain but the expense." "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true." "Vote early and vote often." "I got a lot of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck." "Tonight's forecast: dark. Continuing dark throughout the night and turning to widely scattered light in the morning." "I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for." "Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place." "If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of the television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners." "Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas." "Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!' till you can find a rock." "In the end, everything is a gag." "I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean." "An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last." "Eating words has never given me indigestion." "My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked." "Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm." "The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter." "Tact: Ability to tell a man he's open-minded when he has a hole in his head." "Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate." "You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm." "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." "Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery." "Coolidge's Law - A lost article invariable shows up after you replace it." "Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope." "To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody." "Aristotle taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons." "My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." "When I was a boy I was told anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it." "Sex is God's joke on human beings." "A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally." "A man is given the choice between loving women and understanding them." "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at." "Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards." "Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing." "Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight." "You know who critics are?--the men who have failed in literature and art." "I'm running for president of the United States because I believe that--with strong leadership--America's days will always lie ahead of us. Just as they lie ahead of us now." "When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course." "Everything that can be invented, has been invented." "Politics is developing more comedians than radio ever did." "If A equals success, then the formula is _A = _X + _Y + _Z. X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut." "Once you accept that the universe is expanding into something that is nothing, wearing stripes with plaid becomes easy." "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." "When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes. When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours. That's relativity." "A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes that he has got the biggest piece." "Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy." Ettore's Law - "The other line moves faster." "College professor--someone who talks in other people's sleep." "Surfing on the Internet is like sex; everyone boasts about doing more than they actually do. But in the case of the Internet, it's a lot more." "Only, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water." "No grand idea was ever born in a conference, but a lot of foolish ideas have died there." "Nice boy, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice." "Diamonds are nothing more than chunks of coal that stuck to their jobs." "A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats." "Love your neighbor--but don't pull down your hedge." "A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain." "By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day." "I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back." "If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error." "I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence, There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work." "If you can't make it good, at least make it look good." "Darwinian Man, though well-behaved, at best is only a monkey shaved." "I forgot they were talking about me. They sound so wonderfully convincing." "No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets truth." "Our comedies are not to be laughed at." "If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place." "Actually, I'm an overnight success. But it took twenty years." "Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp-post what he feels about dogs." "A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it." "Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we're not ready. But maybe they'll change their tune after a little torture." "I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it." "Back of every achievement is a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law." "Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!'" "More people will die from hit-or-miss eating than from hit-and-run driving." "A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it." "Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end." "Students rarely disappoint teachers who assure them in advance that they are doomed to failure." "Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." "I'm going to Vietnam at the request of the White House. President Johnson says a war isn't really a war without my jokes." "No woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a better opinion of him than he deserves." "You cannot adopt politics as a profession and remain honest." "To escape criticism--do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." "The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket." "To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs." "It is useless for the sheep to pass resolutions in favor of vegetarianism while the wolf remains of a different opinion." "The important thing in acting is to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry, I think of my sex life. If I have to laugh, I think of my sex life." "In matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with the current." "The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'" (On going to war over religion) "You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend." "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." "To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, you're overdoing it." "Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There's nothing to do but to stand there and take it." "The worst thing about new books is that they keep us from reading the old ones." "A collection of a hundred Great brains makes one big fathead." "Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, 'Make me feel important.' Never forget this message when working with people." "My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government--he promised Dad he'd go straight." "I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?" "Nature gave men two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Ever since then man's success or failure has been dependent on the one he used most." "Next week there can't be any crisis. My schedule is already full." "If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?" "Television: A medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done." "There are three ways to get something done - do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or ask your kids not to do it." "Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it." "An unsophisticated forecaster uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts - for support rather than for illumination. " "He gave her a look you could have poured on a waffle." "A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your successes." "The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it." "The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate." "Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before presenting the lesson." "Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them?" "Dill was becoming something of a trial, anyway...He had asked me earlier in the summer to marry him, then he promptly forgot about it. He staked me out, marked me as his property, said I was the only girl he would ever love, then he neglected me. I beat him up twice but it did no good..." "'All great art comes from people who are either ugly or have a terrible inferiority complex. I know of no one who is beautiful and produces art.' As Richard Burton was saying this to me, I was wondering how he was classifying himself and Elizabeth Taylor." "We're humorous,...and we stand a better chance under that guise,
because all the serious people like Martin Luther King and Kennedy and Ghandi got shot." "The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand as playing a poor hand well." "A good teacher is one who helps you become who you feel yourself to be. A good teacher is also one who says something that you won't understand until 10 years later." "A pun is the lowest form of humor when you do not think of it first." "I once said cynically of a politician, 'He'll double cross that bridge when he comes to it.'" "Winning is a habit. Unfortunately so is losing." "If brains were money, you'd need to take out a loan to buy a cup of coffee." "Everything you see I owe to spaghetti." "The indispensable requirement for a good newspaper-- as eager to tell a lie as the truth." "The country only had charms for those not obliged to stay there." "Those who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do." "What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke." "A child of five would understand this. Send somebody to fetch a child of five." "In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people." "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception." "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies." "Time wounds all heels." "Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy." "Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it important." "The Japanese have a word for it. It's Judo--the art of conquering by yielding. The Western equivalent of judo is, 'Yes, dear'." "A man may be a fool and not know it--but not if he is married." "A professional politician is a professionally dishonorable man. In order to get anywhere near high office he has to make so many compromises and submit to so many humiliations that he becomes indistinguishable from a streetwalker." "Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage." "Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule--and both commonly succeed, and are right." "A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband." "In accordance with our principles of free enterprise and healthy competition, I'm going to ask you two to fight to the death for it." "To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up." "Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote." "From the first day in school until the day I graduated, everyone gave me one hundred plus in art. Well, where do you go in life? You go to the place where you got one hundred plus." "Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy." "The great secret of successful marriage is to treat all disasters as incidents and none of the incidents as disasters." "Humility is like underwear; essential, but indecent if it shows." "Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders." "Microsoft is a cross between The Borg and the Ferengi. Unfortunately they use Borg to do their marketing and Ferengi to do their programming." "I hate flowers. I only paint them because they're cheaper than models and they don't move." "The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop." "Brevity: the soul of lingerie." "If everyone is thinking alike then somebody isn't thinking." "Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity." "I am ignorant of the Government's reasons, but I disapprove of them." "Democracy is a process by which people are free to choose the man who will get the blame." "I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this." "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'" "One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors." Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work." "A critic is a legless man who teaches running." "No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut." "A bare assertion is not necessarily the naked truth." "Look at these cows and remember that the greatest scientists in the world have never discovered how to make grass into milk." "Someday I would like to stand on the moon, look down through a quarter of a million miles of space and say, 'There certainly is beautiful earth out tonight.'" "An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger." "A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one." "My fellow Americans. I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." "The taxpayer -- that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination." "God always has another custard pie up his sleeve." "People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life." "I love the way Microsoft follows standards. In much the same manner that fish follow migrating caribou." "Ever since Eve gave Adam the apple, there has been a misunderstanding between the sexes about gifts." "Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies." "On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does." "However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional manner ... sulking and nausea." "In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." "They laughed at Einstein. They laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown." "I think it's about time we voted for senators with breasts. After all, we've been voting for boobs long enough." "Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be." "There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." "A drama critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned." "Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few." "If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance." "Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people." "No statue has ever been put up to a critic." "A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months.' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them.'" "How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than 60 years got enough to eat and escaped being eaten?" "Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee." "Sometimes when I get up in the morning, I feel very peculiar. I feel like I've just got to bite a cat! I feel like if I don't bite a cat before sundown, I'll go crazy! But then I just take a deep breath and forget about it. That's what is known as real maturity." "Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement." "A jury is composed of twelve men of average ignorance." "The best reason I can think of for not running for President of the United States is that you have to shave twice a day." "Newspaper editor are men who separate the wheat from the chaff, and then print the chaff." "Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped." "I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners." "You can fool too many of the people too much of the time." "All the president is, is a glorified public relations man who spends his time flattering, kissing, and kicking people to get them to do what they are supposed to do anyway." Truman's Law - "If you can't convince them, confuse them." "If I had any humility I would be perfect." "A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read." "I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey." "I do not like work even when someone else does it."
"It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling." "It's noble to be good. It's nobler to teach others to be good, and less trouble." "I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up."
"My father was an amazing man. The older I got, the smarter he got." "October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February."
"Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be." "There are three things which I consider excellent advice. First, don't smoke to access. Second, don't drink to excess. Third, don't marry to excess." "To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence." "You ought never to sass old people- unless they sass you first." "Cats are smarter than dogs. You can not get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." "The first TV babies are now writing with a TV mind that has no attention span at all." "Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half." "When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion." "By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong." "Beer commercials are so patriotic: 'Made the American Way.' What does that have to do with America? Is that what America stands for? Feeling sluggish and urinating frequently?" "Is that a gun in you're pocket or are you just glad to see me?" "It's better to be looked over, than overlooked." "I used to be Snow White but I drifted." "Keep cool and collect." "No gold-digging for me... I take diamonds! We may be off the gold standard someday." "Sex is an emotion in motion." "Too much of a good thing is wonderful." "When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." "From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it." "Before I got married I had six theories about bring up children; now I have six children and no theories." "Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist the hole!" "And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on Me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'" "Income tax returns: the most imaginative fiction written today." "A doctor can always bury his mistakes. An architect can only advise his client to plant ivy." "Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect." "Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it." "For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier ...I put them in the same room and let them fight it out." "I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically." "The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret." "I wrote a song about dental floss but did anyone's teeth get cleaner?" "Some Scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe." "Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together." "A clear conscience is most often a sign of a bad memory." "After a snowstorm, everybody's lawn looks the same." "Ben Franklin may have found electricity, but the guy who invented the meter is the guy who came off with the real gold out of this whole process." "I recently heard that scientists have isolated the gene that makes scientists want to isolate genes." Sometimes a guy just likes to be his yellowest.
"As usual, a knife-wielding maniac has shown us the way." "Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?" "Ah, Ethnictown. Where hardworking immigrants dream of becoming lazy fat Americans." "And if you get the chance, get him right in the family jewels. That little doozy's been a Simpson trademark for generations." "And there's nothing wrong with hitting someone when his back is turned." "Bart, a woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!" "Bart, you're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!" "English - Who needs that? I'm never going to England!" "Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races." "If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your short wave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV." "Ignore the boy, Lord." "I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES." "I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!" "In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women!" "Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?" "Let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming glow." "Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation." "Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer." "Mmm, incapacitating." "Now go on, boy, and pay attention. Because if you do, someday, you may achieve something that we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations: You may outsmart someone!" "Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs." "Oh, that's hot. There isn't a man alive that wouldn't get turned on by that. Well, g'night." "Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family." "Stealing! How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain What's-his-name?" "Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover." "The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let's see. Don't tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do." "The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten!!!" "'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key? I see Esk, Catarl, and Pig-Up. There doesn't seem to be any ANY key. Woo! All this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a TAB." "Unfortunately, son, we Simpsons sometimes have to bend the rules a little in order to hold our own." "When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!" "Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the bible." "Dad, nerds are nothing to fear. In fact, they've done some pretty memorable things. Some nerds of note include popcorn magnate Orville Redenbacher, rock star David Byrne, and supreme court justice David Souter." "Search out every place a sick, twisted, solitary misfit might run to. I'll start with Radio Shack." "Science has already proven the dangers of smoking, alcohol, and Chinese food, but I can still ruin soft drinks for everyone!"
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
-Scott Adams
-Joseph Addison
-Joseph Addison (1672-1719)
-Aeschylus
-Howard Aiken
-Dante Alighieri (1265-1321), "Vita Nuova"
-Virginia Allan
-Henri Frederic Amiel
-Walter Anderson
-Maya Angelou
-Maya Angelou
-Aristotle
-Aristotle
-Aristotle
-Aristotle
-Aristotle
-Aristotle
-Aristotle (384-322 BC)
-H. W. Arnold
-Matthew Arnold
-Roger Ascham (1515-1568)
-Elizabeth Ashley
-Berthold Auerbach
-Marcus Aurelius
-Marcus Aurelius
-Roger Babson
-Richard Bach, "Illusions"
-Francis Bacon
-Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
-Philip James Bailey (1816-1902)
-James Baldwin
-Honore de Balzac
-Frank Barron
-Bruce Barton
-Dr. O. A. Battista
If I do not love you I shall not love."
-Samuel Beckett (1906-1989), "Cascando"
-Richard Berendzen
-Ambrose Bierce
-Paul Boese
-Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer
-Hal Borland
-Christian Bovee
-Elizabeth Bowen
-Ray Bradbury
-General Omar Bradley
-David Brinkley
-Phillips Brooks
-James Broughton
-Helen Gurley Brown
-Robert Browning (1812-1889)
-Edward Bulwer-Lytton
-Edmund Burke
-Carol Burnett
-Martin Buxbaum
-Frankie Byrne
-Lord Byron
-Mark Caine
-Albert Camus
-Albert Camus
-Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
-C. W. Ceram
-Miguel de Cervantes
-Miguel de Cervantes
-Anton Chekhov (1860-1904), Russian novelist and dramatist
-Winston Churchill
-Winston Churchill
-Winston Churchill
-Winston Churchill
-Winston Churchill
-Sir Winston Spencer Churchill (1874-1965)
-Cicero
-Cicero
-Arthur C. Clarke
-John Henrik Clarke
-Henry Clay
-Frank Moore Colby
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge
-John Churton Collins
-Charles Caleb Colton
-Confucius
-James R. Cook
-Bill Cosby
-E. Joseph Cossman
-Norman Cousins
-Parks Cousins
-Jacques Cousteau
-Stephen Covey
-Stephen Covey
-Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
-Fr. Jerome Cummings
-Marie Curie
-Anthony J. D'Angelo
-Anthony J. D'Angelo
-Anthony J. D'Angelo
-Anthony D'Angelo
-Anthony J. D'Angelo
-Charles Darwin
-Charles Darwin (1809-1882)
-Leonardo da Vinci
-Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519)
-Barbara DeAngelis
-Simone de Beauvoir
-Edward de Bono
-Eugene Debs
-Henrion de Pensey
-Denis Diderot
-Walt Disney
-Benjamin Disraeli
-John Donne (letter to Sir Henry Wotton)
-Feodor Dostoevski (1821-1881)
-Norman Douglas
-John Dryden
-John Dryden
-Rene Dubos
-Bob Dylan
-Thomas Edison
-Harry Edwards
-Albert Einstein
-Albert Einstein
-Albert Einstein
-Albert Einstein
-Albert Einstein
-Albert Einstein
-Albert Einstein
-Albert Einstein
-Albert Einstein
-Albert Einstein
-Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
-Albert Einstein
-Albert Einstein
-Albert Einstein
-Albert Einstein
-Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
-Dwight D. Eisenhower
-Dwight D. Eisenhower
-T. S. Eliot
-T.S. Eliot (1888-1965)
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
And the sharpest you still have survived,
But what torments of grief you endured,
From evils which never arrived!"
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
-Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
-Golnik Eric
-Euripides
-Sam Ewig
-Ann Faraday
-David Feherty
-Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
-Malcolm Forbes
-Henry Ford
-E. M. Forster
-E. M. Forster
-Robert D. Foster
-Anatole France
-Anatole France
-Brendan Francis
-Benjamin Franklin
-Benjamin Franklin
-Robert Fritz
-Erich Fromm
-Erich Fromm, Man for Himself
-Robert Frost
-Robert Frost
-Geoffrey Gaberino
-Gandhi
-John W. Gardner
-John Gardner
-Paul Gauguin
-Dave Tyson Gentry
-Kahlil Gibran
-Nikki Giovanni
-Ellen Glasgow
-Max Gluckman
-Bob Goddard
-Thaddeus Golas
-The Princess Bride, by William Goldman
-Nadine Gordimer
-Balthasar Gracian
-Ulysses S. Grant
-Bette Greene
-Germaine Greer
-Gulistan (1258)
-Salvador Hardin
-Sydney J. Harris
-Stephen Hawking
-Stephen Hawking
-Heinrich Heine
-Heinrich Heine
-Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
-Bruce Henderson
-Robert Herrick
-Napoleon Hill
-Adolf Hitler
-Oliver Wendell Holmes, The Guardian Angel
-Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
-Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. (1841-1935)
-Lou Holtz
-Herbert Hoover
-Elbert Hubbard
-Elbert Hubbard
-Elbert Hubbard
-Elbert Hubbard
-Victor Hugo
-Victor Hugo (1802-1885)
-Aldous Huxley
-Thomas Huxley
-Lee Iacocca
-Washington Irving
-Washington Irving
-Washington Irving
-William James
-Bede Jarrett, The House of Gold
-Javan
-Sir James Jeans
-Thomas Jefferson
-Thomas Jefferson
-Thomas Jefferson
-Thomas Jefferson
-Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
-Lady Bird Johnson
-Lyndon B. Johnson Inaugural Address, Jan 1965
-Samuel Johnson
-Samuel Johnson
-Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
-Franklin P. Jones
-Franklin P. Jones
-Joseph Joubert (1754-1824)
-Joseph Joubert
-C. G. Jung
-Helen Keller
-Harry Kemp
-John F. Kennedy
-John F. Kennedy
-John Kieran
-Soren Kierkegaard
-Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1855)
-Rudyard Kipling
-Arthur Koestler
-H. A. Kramers
-Tom Landry
-Frederick Langbridge
-Francois LaRochefoucauld
-François LaRochefoucauld
-François LaRochefoucauld (1613-1680)
-D. H. Lawrence
-D. H. Lawrence
-George-Louis Leclerc de Buffon
-Lotte Lehmann
-Roger L'Estrange
-W. M. Lewis
-G. C. Lichtenberg
-Abraham Lincoln
-Abraham Lincoln
-Abraham Lincoln
-Abraham Lincoln
-Abraham Lincoln
-Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
-Walter Lippman
-John Locke (1632-1704)
-Vince Lombardi
-Vince Lombardi
-Vince Lombardi
-Vince Lombardi
-Harvey Mackay
-Nelson Mandela
-O. S. Marden
-Somerset Maugham
-William G. McAdoo
-John (Jay) McCloy
-Patricia McKillip
-Margaret Mead
-Golda Meir (1898-1978)
-Mencius
-Michelangelo
-Michelangelo
-John Milton (1608-1674)
-Anmar Mirza
-Wilson Mizner
-Wilson Mizner
-Frankfort Moore
-Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
-N. H. Moos
-Isaac Mophatlane
-Christopher Morley
-Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
-Benito Mussolini
-Mahfouz Naguib
-Patricia Neal
-Stephen Neill
-Stephen Neill
-Nanette Newman
-Paul Newman
-David Nichols
-Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
-Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
-Alex Noble
-Peggy Noonan
-Marsha Norman
-Aristotle Onassis
-Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
-Ed Parker
-Paul P. Parker
-Ellen Parr
-General George S. Patton
-Irene Peter
-Laurence J. Peter
-William Lyon Phelps
-Pablo Picasso
-Gifford Pinchot
-Pittacus (650?-569? BC)
-Plato
-Plato
-Plutarch
-Pope John Paul II
-Herbert Prochnow
-Marcel Proust
-The Godfather, by Mario Puzo
-Jean Paul Richter (1763-1825)
-Eddie Rickenbacher
-Anthony Robbins
-John D. Rockefeller, Jr.
-Andrew A. Rooney
-Eleanor Roosevelt
-Theodore Roosevelt
-Bertrand Russell
-David Russell
-Carl Sagan - Cosmos
-Carl Sagan
-Carl Sagan - "Cosmos"
-Carl Sagan
-Carl Sagan (1934-1996)
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery
-Jonas Salk
-Bill Sands
-Richard Schickel
-Arthur Schopenhauer
-Oliver Schreiner
-Robert H. Schuller
-Ernst F. Schumacher
-Charles Schwab
-Charles M. Schwab
-Albert Schweitzer
-Albert Schweitzer
-Albert Schweitzer
-Albert Schweitzer
-Albert Schweitzer
-Albert Schweitzer
-Albert Schweitzer
-Albert Schweitzer
-Albert Schweitzer
-Albert Schweitzer (1875-1965)
-George Seldes
-William Shakespeare
-Shakespeare (1564-1616) II Henry VI, IV, vii, 78
-William Shakespeare (1564-1616), "The Merchant of Venice"
-William Shakespeare
-William Shakespeare
-William Shakespeare
-William Shakespeare
-William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
-William Shakespeare (1564-1616), "Hamlet"
-George Bernard Shaw
-George Bernard Shaw
-Barbara Sher
-Marsha Sinetar
-June Singer
-John Sinor
-Socrates
-Susan Sontag
-Sophocles
-Sophocles
-John Lancaster Spalding
-Adlai Stevenson
-Adlai Stevenson
-Han Suyin
-Laura Swenson
-Jonathan Swift
-Publilus Syurus
-Albert von Szent-Gyorgyi
-Tacitus
-Erik Tarloff
-Alfred, Lord Tennyson (1809-1883)
-Tennyson
-Tennyson
-Henry David Thoreau
-Henry David Thoreau
-Henry David Thoreau
-Henry David Thoreau
-Henry David Thoreau
-Henry David Thoreau
-Henry David Thoreau
-Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
-Thucyclides
-James Thurber
-Leo Tolstoy
-H. R. Trevor-
Roper
-Mark Twain
-Mark Twain
-Mark Twain
-Mark Twain
-Mark Twain
-Lao Tzu (6th Century BC Chinese Poet)
-Manuel Ugarte (letter to Delmira Agustini)
-Abigail Van Buren
-Vincent van Gogh
-Craig Venter
-Judith Viorst
-Virgil
-Voltaire (François Marie Arouet) (1694-1778)
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
-Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. "Mother Night"
-William A. Ward
-Booker T. Washington
-Booker T. Washington
-Booker T. Washington
-Booker T. Washington
-Booker T. Washington (1856-1915)
-George Washington
-Willis Whitney
-John Greenleaf Whittier
-Tom Wilson
-Woodrow Wilson
-Woodrow Wilson
-Walter Winchell
-Winnie the Pooh
-Virginia Woolf
-William Wordsworth
-William Wordsworth
-William Wordsworth
-Frank Lloyd Wright
-William Wrigley, Jr.
-William Wrigley Jr.
-Xenophon
-J. B. Yeats, Letters to His Son
-Zeuxis (~400 BC)
-Chinese Proverb
-Italian Proverb
-Rabbinical Saying
-Unknown
-Unknown
Oh God. Why can't married people understand that this is no longer a polite question to ask? We wouldn't rush up to them and roar, 'How's your marriage going? Still having sex?' Everyone knows that dating in your thirties is not the happy-go-lucky free-for-all it was when you were twenty-two and that the honest answer is more likely to be, 'Actually, last night my married lover appeared wearing suspenders and a darling little Angora crop-top, told me have was gay/a sex addict/a narcotic addict/a commitment phobic and beat me up with a dildo,' than, 'Super, thanks.'"
-all Bridget Jones's Diary, by Helen Fielding
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
-Bella Abzug, New York politician
(address at rally for Equal Rights Amendment)
-Louis Adamic
-Douglas Adams
-Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
-Douglas Adams
-Joey Adams
-George Ade
-Fred Allen
-Gracie Allen
-Woody Allen
-Woody Allen
-Elizabeth Ashley
-Saint Augustine (354-430)
-P. T. Barnum (1810-1891)
-Dave Barry
And equal partners we will be."
-Gerald Barzan
-Gerald Barzan
-Brendan Behan
-Ivan Benson
-Milton Berle
-Milton Berle
-Irving Berlin
-Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
-Ambrose Bierce
-Neils Bohr (1885-1962)
-Erma Bombeck
-Erma Bombeck
-Erma Bombeck
-Erma Bombeck
-Erma Bombeck
-Erma Bombeck
-Erma Bombeck (1927-1996)
-L. M. Boyd
-Stewart Brand
-Bertolt Brecht (1898-1956)
-David Broder
-Mel Brooks
-A. Whitney Brown
-Charlie Brown
-George Burns
-George Bush (stated when Vice President)
-Samuel Butler
-James Branch Cabell
-Al Capone (1899-1947)
-George Carlin
-George Carlin
-Jasper Carrott
-Johnny Carson
-Johnny Carson
-Johnny Carson
-Wynn Catlin
-Charlie Chaplin
-G.K. Chesterton
-Winston Churchill
-Winston Churchill
-Winston Churchill
-Winston Churchill
-Winston Churchill
-Jean Cocteau
-Mark B. Cohen
-Colette
-Rich Cook
-Calvin Coolidge
-Calvin Coolidge
-Bill Cosby
-Quentin Crisp
-Will Cuppy (1884-1949)
-Rodney Dangerfield
-Clarence Darrow
-Bette Davis
-Lillian Day
-Ninon de Lenclos (1620-1705)
French society figure, courtesan
-Jimmy Demaret
-R. A. Dickson
-Phyllis Diller
-Phyllis Diller
-Benjamin Disraeli
-Bob Dole
-Peter Drucker
-Charles H. Duell, 1899
-Jimmy Durante (1893-1980)
-Albert Einstein
-Albert Einstein
-Albert Einstein
-Albert Einstein
-Ludwig Erhard
-Nora Ephron
-Barbara Ettore
-Bergen Evans
-Tom Fasulo
-W. C. Fields
-F. Scott Fitzgerald
-Foghorn Leghorn
-Malcolm Forbes
-Benjamin Franklin
-Benjamin Franklin
-Robert Frost
-Robert Frost
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
-John Kenneth Galbraith
-Eugene Gallagher
-Bill Gates
-W. S. Gilbert
-Jean Giraudoux
-Jean Giraudoux
-Samuel Goldwyn
-Lord Halifax
-Monty Hall
-Christopher Hampton
-Jack Handey
-Jack Handey
-Jack Handey
-Brooks Hays
-Ren Hicks
-Duncan Hines
-Alfred Hitchcock
-Chuck Hogan
-Sidney Hook
-Herbert Hoover
-Bob Hope
-Ed Howe
-Louis McHenry Howe
-Elbert Hubbard
-Frank McKinney Hubbard
-Aldous Huxley
-Dean Inge
-Glenda Jackson
-Thomas Jefferson
-Rich Jeni
-Rich Jeni
-Rich Jeni
-J. Jenkins
-Lyndon B. Johnson
-Joseph Joubert (1754-1824)
-Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961)
-Mary Kay
-John Fitzgerald Kennedy
-Jean Kerr
-George R. Kirkpatrick
-Henry Kissinger
-Marvin Kitman
-Ernie Kovacs
-Malcolm L. Kushner
-Richard Lamm
-Andrew Lang
-Ring Lardner
-Doug Larson
-Doug Larson
-Doug Larson
-Vernon Law
-Denis Leary
-Harper Lee - To Kill a Mockingbird
-Ernest Lehman, journal from Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
-John Lennon
-H. T. Leslie
-Julius Lester
-Oscar Levant
-Oscar Levant
-Vince Lombardi
-Shelley Long
-Sophia Loren
-Norman Mailer
-Edouard Manet
-Terry Marchal
-Steve Martin
-Groucho Marx
-Groucho Marx
-Groucho Marx
-Groucho Marx
-Groucho Marx
-Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
-Eugene McCarthy
-J. P. McEvoy
-H.L. Mencken
-H.L. Mencken
-H.L. Mencken
-H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
-Michel de Montaigne
-Monty Python
-Ogden Nash
-George Jean Nathan
-Louise Nevelson
-Howard W. Newton
-Harold Nicholson
-Helen Nielsen
-Friedrich Wilhemn Nietzsche
-Simon Oke
-Georgia O'Keefe
-P. J. O'Rourke
-Dorothy Parker
-George S. Patton, Jr.
-George S. Patton, Jr.
-James C. Percy
-Dr. Laurence J. Peter
-Emo Philips
-Emo Philips
-Plato
-John G. Pollard
-Channing Pollock
-Channing Pollock
-George Prentice
-Michael Pupin
-Lieutenant Colonel William H. Rankin
-Dan Rather
-Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings
-President Ronald Reagan (famous mic check)
-Ronald Reagan
-Lynn Redgrave
-Faith Resnick
-Kirrily Robert
-Nan Robertson
-Will Rogers
-Will Rogers
-Tom K. Ryan
-Carl Sagan - Cosmos
-Carl Sagan
-Claire Sargent
-Jeremy Schwartz
-Albert Schweitzer
-George Bernard Shaw
-George Bernard Shaw
-George Bernard Shaw
-George Bernard Shaw
-Jean Sibelius
-Red Skelton
-Logan Smith
-Snoopy
-Snoopy
-Snoopy
-Herbert Spencer
-Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)
-Adlai Stevenson
-Sam Stevenson
-Jeff Stilson
-James Thurber
-Harry S. Truman
-Harry S. Truman
-Ted Turner
-Mark Twain
-Mark Twain
-Mark Twain
-Mark Twain
-Mark Twain
-Mark Twain
-Mark Twain
-Mark Twain
-Mark Twain
-Mark Twain
-Mark Twain
-Mark Twain (1835-1910)
-Jeff Valdez
-Gore Vidal
-Gore Vidal
-Voltaire
-Charles Wadsworth
-Evelyn Waugh
-Mae West
-Mae West
-Mae West
-Mae West
-Mae West
-Mae West
-Mae West
-Mae West (1893-1980)
-Katharine Whitehorn
-John Wilmont, Earl of Rochester (1647-1680)
-Mclandburgh Wilson
-John Wing
-Herman Wouk
-Frank Lloyd Wright
-Steven Wright
-Steven Wright
-Steven Wright
-Steven Wright
-Henny Youngman
-Frank Zappa
(in response to Tipper Gore's allegations that music incites people
towards deviant behavior, or influences their behavior in general)
-Frank Zappa
-Carl Zwanzig
-Unknown
-Unknown
-Unknown
-Unknown
-Bart Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Homer Simpson
-Lisa Simpson
-Lisa Simpson
-Lisa Simpson
