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| www.oocities.org/thekyivbeet | Vol. 1 No. 11, November 1, 2002 |
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Moscow Theater Saved, Chechen Gunmen Killed, Hostages Don't Interfere
By Brian O'Riley, Beet Staff WriterMoscow (AP) - In what was a dramatic end to a tense three-day standoff, Russian special-forces stormed a Moscow theater before dawn on Saturday night and neutralized the 50 gunmen that were holding it hostage since October 23rd. The gunmen, claiming to be rebels from the break-away republic of Chechnya, had threatened to destroy the Palace of Culture of the Podshipnikov Zavod with powerful explosives if the Russian government did not meet their demand to end the war in Chechnya. Understanding the gravity of the gunmen's threat, the Russian authorities decided to use a "special gas" to incapacitate the gunmen and prevent them from detonating the bombs that they has planted throughout the building. According to Russia's Deputy Interior Minister, Vladimir Vasilyev, "The main goal of our law enforcement agencies and special services in planning the measures was aimed at liberating the theater with the maximum ensurance of it's safety and the elimination of these terrorists," he said after the ordeal had ended. Vasilyev said that the Russian people would have been traumatized had the venerable five-story theater, a modern building from the 1960's designed in the classic socialist-realism style, been destroyed. "I and other Muscovites from my generation have fond memories of attending moving dramas and operas at that theater in our youth, and we in the security services could not have beared it if anything would have happened to it. Structural engineers from the city have declared that aside from some minor damage such as bullet holes, the building is structurally sound and can continue hosting performances. "Let this be a lesson to all Chechen terrorists, and their al-Qaeda terrorist partners, that the Russian people will not allow terrorists to terrorize us or our international friends with terrorist threats and terrorist activities in an effort to terrorize free countries of the world with terrorism," Vasilyev added at the news conference. When asked by reporters about the fact that at least 117 of the 119 hostages killed in the theater had died as a direct result of inhaling the gas pumped into the building by the police, Vasilyev said, "Well, we did notice that there were some people in the building at the time that weren't Chechens, but I am glad to say that those people did not obstruct our ability to save the building and at the same time eliminate the terrorists. It is indeed a proud day for Russia." | |
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International: Burger King Opens in Kyiv - NOT! By Leanora Jackson, Beet Staff Writer MIAMI - A statement released by the Burger King Corporation world headquarters has said unequivocally that the global restaurant chain is not opening a restaurant in Ukraine anytime soon. "No, no, no," said John Dasburg, Chairman, CEO and President of Burger King Corporation, "I'm sick and tired of people asking us about Ukraine. Get it straight, read my lips, we are not going in there," he added. Since McDonald's opened its first outlet in Kiev in 1997, ex-pats have been speculating about when another American fast-food chain like BK, KFC or Pizza Hut, will open up shop. "They've got one in Budapest, and Krakow - what are they….a bunch of pussies?" said Jerome Wallace, a Peace Corps volunteer in L'viv. Burger King has always maintained that even though McDonald's has many outlets and has high sales volume in Ukraine, their margins are so low and the initial investment is so high that it doesn't justify the inherent risk of going into Ukraine. "Oh, they say that, but we know that they are just afraid of competing against Mr. Snack, Shvidko and Mak Smak," said one Ukrainian student. National: Top Journalist Reported Missing; Disappearance Not Due to Reporting (Wink, Wink) By Mikola Mulenko, Beet Staff Writer KYIV - A spokesman from Ukrainian News, a popular agency specializing in economic and political reporting, has said that it's founder and director, Mykhailo Kolomiets, had not been seen by family, friends or colleagues since Monday, October 21st. Colleagues believe that the newsman's disappearance is related to the independent stance of their publication and the general anti-press attitude of authorities in Ukraine - an opinion shared by many international human rights organizations. "Nonsense," replied an Internal Affairs Ministry spokesman to the speculation. "It is highly unlikely that this disappearance is related to Mr. Kolomiets' professional activities. It is probably just another instance of bad lifestyle choices that these journalist fellows seem so prone to make. He is probably sleeping off a hangover after a spree of gambling, narcotics use and perverted sex with prostitutes. We'll look into it as a matter of form, but he'll probably show up sooner or later - we're really not that worried," the spokesman added. International: Returned Volunteer Going Crazy From "Too Much English" CINCINNATI (AP) - A Peace Corps volunteer that has recently returned to the United States has had trouble readjusting to American life by constantly being distracted by the abundance of English being spoken around him. Jared Smale, 28, who finished two years as a PCV in the small western Ukrainian town of Kalush, can't seem to focus on conversations because he keeps knee-jerk reacting to all the English speakers around him. "While in Kalush, I hardly ever heard English around me, much less actually bumping into an American there. So on the rare occasions of hearing English, while walking on Khreschatik or something, I immediately turned around to see who was there. Now though, back in the States, everyone is speaking English and I can't seem to concentrate on what I'm doing - it's really pissing me off!" Jared's parent's have now decided to send him off to the Lower East Side of Manhattan for a few weeks in order to wean him off the Ukrainian and get him back to linguistic normalcy. "His future as an American depends on it," Jared's Mom later said. National: Double Door Conundrum Being Looked Into By Fred Revelli, Beet Staff Writer KYIV(AP)- As cold weather approaches, the long-standing "double door" conundrum continues to baffle local residents. Most businesses and institutions have a double door mechanism, ostensibly to keep cold air out, warm air in and to dramatically slow down passage through the door. Despite its practicality, many find themselves confused by proper door etiquette. Typically, a double door set up will have the first set of doors open only on the right, an intermediate "holding area" and then a second set of doors opening only on the left. Long lines can build up of individuals trying to get into the building as well as individuals trying to get out of the building. People approaching from both directions get stuck in the middle holding area. "I never know what to do," said frustrated Olga Zachek. "Do I stand patiently in line like my mother had to? Do I push to the front like I usually do in any other line situation?" Some frustrated ex-pats report to losing upwards of 1 1/2 hours out of their lunch period on this door back up problem. John Brown, a long time Kyiv resident, reports, "I only have a couple hours for lunch each day. I don't want to waste valuable time entering and exiting the restaurant. If I could get some sort of hardship pay, maybe." Recognizing the problem, USAID has provided $60 million in funding to research and solve the double door entry/exit situation. "If we can reduce the shopping time per person, even by a few minutes, we will have done our job," a USAID representative said. |
News In Brief (Wire Reports) National: Explosion Destroys Apartment Building - Military Denies Involvement By Jason Argyle, Beet Staff Writer BILA TSERKVA - On Friday, October 25, a devastating explosion ripped through a multistory apartment building in the city of Bila Tserkva, about 75 kilometers south of Kyiv. Military spokesmen immediately denied any connection to the event and were pleasantly surprised to find out that they actually had nothing to do with the explosion. "As per our instructions, we immediately denied involvement, even though we didn't really have any information at the time," said a spokesman for the army. "As it turns out, the explosion was caused by a gas leak. So, I'm glad to say that I was telling the truth earlier when I denied our involvement." Regional: Moldovan Busted For Forgery; U.S. Gets Even CHISINAU (Reuters) - A Moldovan academic was arrested on Oct. 29th after confessing to printing more than $200,000 in counterfit bills in less than a month. Police say the man, who has not been officially named, was believed to have been paid $15 for every $100 bill he produced. The man is said to have told police that he obtained the printing plate in France, and if convicted, he could be jailed for 10 years. After learning of the news, the U.S. Treasury has decided to respond to the scandal by printing 8 million Moldovan Lei and distributing it to the American public through 7-Eleven convenience stores as change for when all cashier-dudes run out of pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters. Local: Ex-Pats Perplexed By Traditional Halloween Meal Offers By Tanaka Yoshugi, Beet Staff Writer KYIV- Recently arrived American ex-pat Phil Robbins felt slightly perplexed as he read several restaurant advertisements for traditional Halloween meals in the local press. "I wasn't aware that there was such a thing. I mean, unless they are planning on serving giant bags of candy, I don't know what they could be talking about. Maybe something with pumpkins…I don't know." Other ex-pats were similarly confused. "I have no idea what a traditional Halloween meal could be. In my house, we always ate light so that we would have room for monstrous amounts of candy. So, I really have no idea," said Chicagoan, Jim Hopkins. The Western-style restaurants in Kyiv were also unhelpful in clarifying the offers. "It's a surprise to us," claimed one restaurant manager involved in the promotions, "I thought that Americans were usually well versed in their domestic traditions." Local: Ukrainian Man Dons His Usual "Ukrainian Guy " Costume for Halloween by Byron Rasputin, Beet Staff Writer KYIV - The spirit of Halloween is in the air. Throughout town, various Halloween bashes are in the works. Ex-pats and locals are busy scrounging up their various costumes. Ghosts, goblins, vampires, toga-clad Romans, Star Fleet officers, police men, cowboys and so forth are about to litter Kyiv's party landscape. And so, Vladimir Nepraznichniy once again hauls out his usual "Ukrainian Guy" costume. "Sure, I could go as something a little more original, but I really like my 'Ukrainian Guy' costume. It's comfortable and everyone recognizes it immediately. It has become sort of a tradition for me. Kinda like that one guy dressing up as a woman every year. Every year, I dress up as a 'Ukrainian Guy.' Another advantage of the costume is that I don't have to change clothes when I leave the party. In fact, the only real disadvantage is that a lot of other Ukrainians also decide to go with the same costume. It's a little embarrassing, but I don't mind too much. |
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