Life on the Farm
Samantha Gold

Disclaimer:  The Slayer is Joss’s as is the god known as Agent Finn. Does that sound manly or what? ::coughgagmenowcough::
Spoilers: All of those *wonderful* B/R eps
Feedback: Yes, send it to me!
Dedication: To Danielle, Chantal, and all my other Riley-loving friends. I’m one of you now!! …Really

"Riley! Billy Bob! Mary Sue! Jean Louise! Little Pete! Dale! …" Buffy began calling her husband and each and every single one of their twelve children by name.

Dinner was ready and it was time to eat. She had made cheese sticks, a cheese lasagna, corn sprinkled with grated cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches, and a small treat of cheese and crackers. To drink they had milk from their very own cows!

After all, she knew how much her husband loved cheese and she figured that after working in the cornfields so hard all day that he deserved it.

Riley and the kids clambered up the porch steps. He smiled when he saw his wife.

"Hello, Spiderman," he greeted her affectionately.

She blushed at his nickname for her. "Time for dinner, Lilac," she said softly.

He clapped his hands together. "Ok, kids, let’s get some grub!" He cried, sitting down at the head of the table. They all sat down too. Buffy set out the food on the table and sat down to his right. The kids all found places at the table too, three-year old Cassidy sitting beside her mother.

When he saw what she had made for their meal, he grinned widely. "Cheese!" He yelled happily.

"Cheese!" All the kids echoed enthusiastically before bursting into giggles.

Riley and Buffy looked at each other. "Awww…."

Riley turned to his oldest son, Zechariah (though they usually called him Zekey) and whispered, "Why don’t you say prayer, Zekey?"

Zekey nodded excitedly and clasped his hands together as did the rest of the Finn family. "Dear God," he started. "This is the Finns! Pa says that we got to pray to ya so I’m glad that I get ta be the one ta do it, ya know? Anyways, thanky for the cow, Betsy JR, that ya let me have. I named her after Pa’s favourite. Oh and thanky for Ma and Pa and all my lil brothers and sisters. I reckon that ya love me since ya gave me all this an’ I love you too, God! And so do we all! Amen!"

"Amen!" Echoed Cassidy in a sweet voice. She had light blond hair and blue eyes, she looked just like her mother…not that there’s anything wrong with looking like Riley because as we know, Riley is just sooo hot, right?

Buffy smiled at her young daughter and affectionately ruffled her hair. "Let’s eat."


Buffy had just finished tucking in the last of the twelve kids when Riley opened the door looking panicked.

"What is it?" She asked worriedly.

"Corn demon, outside," he whimpered, um, I mean whispered. "We’ve got to go now!"

She quietly rushed after him. Once outside, they saw it. It was large, yellow, and carried stalks of corn. He seemed harmless enough, but they both knew that when he threw his corn, he was deadly!

They moved in together, but unfortunately, sweet Riley took a hard hit to the head, knocking him out cold. Fortunately, the distraction was just what Buffy needed and she killed it. (The demon, not Riley, you mean people! Why are you so mean to him? It’s not like he’s a loser or something! *cough*)

Buffy carried him up to bed, then tucked him in to sleep it off… A smile played at her lips as she went downstairs for a glass of water. Life was good.

The End…Not

Okay, okay, I just can’t do it! Here’s how the story goes:

Buffy rolled her eyes as she found yet another picture of Betsy Sr. taped to the fridge. Why was she putting herself through this? After all, being stuck in a marriage with a hick was WAY above and beyond the call of duty for a Slayer.

She sighed. At least she’d never had to sleep with him. She smiled, remembering the tale she’d woven for him. He had once asked her how to have sex and she had answered that it was when a man kissed a woman’s belly button, the kiss went into her tummy and made a baby. She had been joking. He had taken her seriously. Oh well, what could you expect from a fishboy?

Save for Cassidy, none of the children were actually hers. Technology was amazing though and she’s managed to have them all artificially created in the lab with Riley’s genes…he’d never been the wiser. Cassidy was the product of a special affair of hers…the one she was still having.

She found the chocolate she had hidden in the cupboard and ate it, glad to be able to get the grubby taste of cheese out of her mouth. How much longer would her torture last? Apparently not very long.

The phone rang and she picked it up quickly. "Hello?"


"Giles! What’s the news?" She asked, trying to keep the panic out of her voice.

"It’s good," he answered. "We’ve finally managed to defeat the Initiative with the information you’ve been providing. Are you ready to come home?"

"God yes!" Buffy almost screamed.

"I’ll send Angel for you, be ready," he told her.

"I will," she promised, and they hung up.

She crept upstairs and gently woke Cassidy. She had no interest in the other children, they were not hers and they took after their father way too much.

"Mommy?" Cassidy murmured sleepily.

"Yeah, it’s me," Buffy said softly. "Come on."

She picked up the little girl and carried her outside and onto the driveway where Angel was just pulling in.

She opened the car door and gently laid her daughter in the back, then climbed into the passenger side and smiled brightly at her lover. (Who else did you think it would be?)

"Buffy," Angel said by way of greeting.

"Angel," she said softly.

"How are you doing? I know that the whole thing must have been hard…"

"It was," she agreed. "But it’s over now and I can finally go back home."

"We couldn’t have done it without you," he told her.

She smiled warmly at him. "Let’s go, I want you to get to know your daughter in the morning."

"I can’t wait," he assured her.

They kissed softly, then drove away from the madness. As they passed the gate though, Angel pushed a bright red button. Behind them, the house exploded and Riley and those with his genes died. The world is a better place for it as Angel, Buffy, and Cassidy would tell you.

The *Real* End