The Ultimative 10-24-97/10-28-97/4-29-98/9-12-00
Mom,
Oh how I always wanted to please you,
I tried but you never seemed to listen,
just thinking that you never cared for me,
who were you to try and break my pride?
what made you think that Julia was so much better?
I tried my best and everything to please you,
was it because I was the middle child?
is that why you have despised me for so long?
I really did try,
so I leave this world placing a bit of the blame on you,
don't get mad;
that is human nature......
10-24-97
To Mom:
oh the times that we had,
they were fun,
the blissful days when we used to talk,
then you begin to criticize my playing,
the one thing that I had really loved the most,
my music, you said I loved it too much,
racing, you went against that also,
was it because I used to argue for my beliefs?
well so be it;
I leave the world with my heart a shadow of what it used to be,
don't get mad;
blaming others is human nature......
10-24-97
To Julia:
your death would have killed me in itself,
I have no grieviences against you except that you quit speaking to me in my language; music,
you seemed to understand me so much better,
more then anyone else,
I am ever greatful that you would listen to me and try to help,
Oh we had fun Jason,
for you I have love,
don't be mad at me because I left,
I couldn't take it anymore,
don't be mad at me please,
it is only human nature......
10-24-97
To Jason:
you always, no, you never cared about me,
everytime that I tried to express and opinion to you,
you never listened,
you just shouted at me and hurt me,
you just don't know how bad my heart feels,
you never will understand,
Dad, I leave you nothing,
no piece of me,
exactly the emotions you portrayed to me in life,
don't get mad,
get even,
you always did,
but That is human nature......
10-27-97
To Dad:
My heart still aches from the pain that you wrought upon me,
with those pale eyes,
I had always cared for you,
yes, when we fought I still loved you, (or so I thought)
but I guess that maybe I had better leave you nothing,
I cannot write anymore about my past feelings,
you were my first love, (?)
so I leave you my last love,
so long to you,
I am gone now Ms. Perky,
don't forget me,
I won't forget you,
but that is human nature,
nothing more and nothing less......
10-27-97
To Jennifer:
"The Ultimative," continued.
time would only have told what could've been between us,
but that will never happen,
when we went our seperate ways,
I was sad,
you just opened an old wound on a broken heart,
I don't know if you really cared about me or anything,
maybe you did and maybe you did not,
I really don't know know anything about how it would've been,
I don't want to know.
so I just try and forget you,
you hurt me,
so I leave this world knowing as much as I've learned,
I give you a bit of loneliness,
because that is what you gave me,
don't get angry,
it is only human nature......
10-27-97/10-28-97
To Michelle:
I think that I had a great mind,
yeah, I really wanted to share it with you,
but because of the many grieviences I have,
I'm gone;
so I leave you with my work,
and with my music,
this I hold so dear to my heart,
maybe it will teach all of you something,
maybe not,
everything doesn't always work out,
but that is human nature,
and I am only human......
10-28-97
To The People:
one love comes one time,
and I had known that you were mine,
I remember your little laugh,
the beauty in your smile,
and;
the way that you held me,
when there was nothing left to hold,
I learned that love, real love,
takes some time to be discovered,
I took all I had of you for granted,
much concern,
forever in my heart,
I knew that you were special,
so to you my dear Precious,
I give to you my first real love,
and hopefully my last......
4-29-98
To Melanie:
my Angel of love and life and lies,
why must I lie here and cry tonight?
do you now even remember my name?
nonetheless my face or the grimace of pain,
that must be evident across my brow,
but still you look to me deeply scowled,
though I try to take your hand; forever,
you pull it back to your chest,
taking with you my heart in pieces,
to eternal rest,
must I die to make you believe,
that my Love for you is real,
though the illusion you front is not easily cracked,
still we sit together and enjoy a laugh,
free once more to do as you please,
while sitting here I tear up and freeze,
your memory still vivid to my soul,
but inside of me exists a hole,
that only one and only one alone can feel,
as i cower the darkness crying out my fears,
and to you I bequeath what I promised in life,
may my memory always be close in the front of your mind,
Death do us part another line,
but a promise to keep nonetheless,
smile once more my Angel of Love,
take my hand and lead me safely to Heaven,
here I will love you once more someday,
in the courtyards and fountains of forever......
9-12-2000
To Christine Wages:
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