Helplessness -- Losing Max

Disclaimer:  The TV show Dark Angel, all of the characters that appeared on it (Max, Zack, Colonel Lydecker, etc.), and everything else that has to do with the show belong to their respective owners, not to me.  No money is being made off of this fic.  I only own the original characters (Reese/X5-552, etc.).

Notes:  Spoiler-ish stuff for "...And Jesus Brought A Casserole."  Takes place immediately after that episode, between chapters 4 and 5 of "Together."

Zack’s eyes shot open and he panicked for a few moments, feeling completely disoriented. What the hell? Where am I? What the hell is this? He took a deep breath and closed his eyes again and tried to regain control of himself.

Let’s see…both of my shoulders are aching. He tried to move a hand and felt a restraint tied tightly around his wrist. He moved the other hand and felt an identical restraint tied around his other wrist. Concerned, he tried to move both of his legs and realized that he had restraints around each of his ankles as well. I’m tied to something. It feels like a bed. I’m not wearing my usual sleep wear, so it’s not the motel room outside of Seattle that I got when…oh my God!

Zack’s eyes opened again as he realized where he was and he remembered what had happened. Oh my God, Maxie! She was…but I’m here and alive so… His thoughts were cut off when he heard high heels approach his curtained off area of the infirmary. He gritted his teeth and sure enough, Director Renfro stepped into his view, smiling.

“Hello there, 599,” she said almost pleasantly. “The doctors tell me that you’re recovering from your surgery quite nicely. Under normal circumstances, we would clear you for active duty in four days.”

“My name is Zack,” he hissed. “Where’s Max?”

“I think you know exactly where your sister is,” Renfro said calmly. “She is outside sleeping in the graveyard with the other fallen X-series. I believe that we even buried her next to your brother 417. We aren’t completely heartless.”

“You’re lying,” Zack said, trying to hide the sinking feeling he had. “You’re fucking lying.”

“Am I, 599? You did see her with your own two eyes,” Renfro pointed out. “She was flatlining and we had no X5 hearts available in the donor bank.” A faint smirk crossed her face. “I must admit, it was certainly a noble gesture on your part to be so willing to sacrifice yourself to save her. I suppose whomever it was that said that chivalry is dead is wrong. Chivalry isn’t dead…but Max is. 452 is no longer among the living.”

“You’re lying!” Zack yelled angrily. He tried to break free of the restraints as he had done the night before, but he couldn’t.

“We’re not stupid, 599,” Renfro said. “We learned our lesson from you from last night. Not even an X8 or one of our top X6s can break free from those restraints.” She tried to restrain a triumphant grin when she saw the hopelessness grow in Zack’s eyes. “452 is dead, 599. Accept it. She died because you were not fast enough. You failed your sister because you weren’t good enough.”

“I didn’t fail her,” Zack insisted.

“Then how come she is dead and you aren’t?” Renfro pointed out. “Don’t feel too bad, 599. You won’t be alone here. You do have another sister here though I doubt that you and 734 will be seeing much of each other as she is busy with her own duties. And I’m sure that since you’re here that it won’t be long now before we find the rest of your…family…and bring them back home. It would be nice to have a family reunion, wouldn’t it?” She smiled again. “Face it, 599. You failed one of them and you’ve failed them all. You can’t get out there to protect them again. Even if you did, you didn’t do such a good job of protecting 452.”

Zack narrowed his eyes and glared at Renfro. “They’re smarter than you’re giving them credit for.”

“I’m sure,” Renfro said skeptically. “Rest up, 599. In a few days, we’ll be transferring you to the Seattle facility with all the rest of the soldiers. After you’ve been transferred, we’ll…get to know each other much better, won’t we?” She turned around and left, laughing softly to herself the whole way.

Zack just stared at where she’d been for a few minutes before he broke down and started crying. Maxie…oh God, Maxie, I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry that I failed you! He couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down his face. I tried to save you. I really tried to save you. I’m so damn sorry! The grief he felt tore at him, as if part of his soul had been ripped away. I love you so much and… He couldn’t even finish his thought and lay sobbing for a long time. He didn’t know how long it was before the tears finally dried up.

How can I-- He blinked when he saw a shadow pass by his curtained-off area and gasped for a moment before he let his breath out in disappointment when he heard the shadow speak to someone else on that side of the curtains. It wasn’t her and you know it! Max’s voice was not that high-pitched. He turned his head so that he could look out of the window as much as he could and he expected to start sobbing again. The tears didn’t come. Zack felt almost frighteningly raw and hollow inside, but at the same time he felt a renewed sense of determination.

I’ll be damned if I let Max’s death be in vain. He nodded to himself and looked out at the sunset, recalling what he’d said to Max just moments before his attempt to save her. The promise is on me, now. I won’t stop fighting them, Maxie. I swear. If they think that I won’t resist them anymore because you’re gone, they’ve made a big mistake. He took a deep breath. I’ll give them hell for you, Maxie. I love you.