Thwarted Dreams -- Chapter 4

Disclaimer: The TV show Dark Angel, all of the characters that appeared on it (Colonel Lydecker, etc.), and everything else that has to do with the show belong to their respective owners, not to me. No money is being made off of this fic. I only own the original characters (Caroline, etc.).

Caroline sat next to her mother and closed her eyes as her parents were presented with an American flag and taps began to play. She felt the tears run down her cheeks and tried to will herself not to go completely hysterical in front of everybody. It had been several days since Chris had died and she was still having a hard time believing it. She felt something brush against her right arm and realized that her mother was standing up and people were starting to leave. She quietly stood and followed her parents and Danny and Pete over to the limousine that was waiting for them and got in. The relatively short ride back to their house from the cemetery was quiet. They got out of the limo when it reached their house and went inside and waited for other people to show up. Caroline just grabbed a bottle of Coke and sat down on the couch in the living room and watched everybody.

“It feels much too surreal to be true, doesn’t it?”

Caroline looked over to her left and saw that Danny had sat down next to her. “Yeah, it does. I’m still waiting for Chris to walk through the door at any moment and start laughing and say something like ‘Ha, ha. Did I get you guys good or what?’”

“Me too,” Pete confessed. He sat down on the couch on Danny’s left. “I can hardly believe it myself. I mean, not even two months ago, the three of us were tossing a football around the backyard when we were all here for Thanksgiving while you were watching and laughing at us and now he’s gone and we just buried him and…” Pete had to stop and try to collect himself. “It’s not right. It shouldn’t have happened.”

“What’s killing me is why he died,” Caroline said angrily. “Chris was the best soldier on that damn base, maybe in the entire damn state of Ohio. How did he die? Because some fucking moron in his unit forgot a rule so basic that even I know it. Hell, I bet even small children know this rule better than that fucking idiot knew it. You never pick up a damn unexploded mine, dud or no dud. But this fucking moron did. Chris tried to warn him, but he was too late and now because of the damn fuckhead’s stupidity, Chris and three other innocent, undeserving men are dead.” She laughed bitterly. “Should I be glad that the moron was also killed? Should I feel bad that I might be leaning in that direction?”

“You’re only human,” Danny said. “All of us are only human. I don’t blame you for feeling that way. I’m feeling that way a little bit myself.” He sighed. “There’s nothing that we can do. We’ve got to pick up those stupid pieces and move on.”

“Pick up the pieces, it’s always darkest before the dawn…I swear, I will beat the living hell out of the next person who spouts out another ‘helpful’ phrase piece of crap,” Pete growled. “I wasn’t born yesterday. I know things will eventually get better but right now they hurt like hell and I want you to leave me the hell alone because those helpful little sayings that you claim comfort people in their time of need are really bothering me and I can’t stand neither them nor you so go—“

“Easy, Pete,” Danny said. “Take it easy. Don’t go completely crazy. That’s the last thing that Mom and Dad need right now. Okay?”

Pete nodded. “Okay. I’m sorry, but these people are just making me so damn angry I want to throttle something or somebody. You know what I mean?”

“I know exactly what you mean,” Danny agreed. “I can’t believe how many people have run their mouths off after offering me their condolences.”

“They’ve been worse with me,” Caroline said. “They think that just because I’m a girl that I need to be treated like I’m a China doll that can break at any minute. It’s not things like ‘Caroline, I’m so sorry. Is there anything that I can do for you?’ because that one actually does make me feel better at least when it’s coming from somebody that I know and at least like but it’s ones like ‘Caroline, you need to sit down now. All this stress and trauma can’t be good for you’ and ‘You poor little thing. You need to rest and not think about anything and we’ll make sure you get through this difficult time. We don’t want you to be traumatized.’ Um, I hate to break it to you, but losing a brother will traumatize anybody. No offense, guys.”

“None taken,” Danny said. “I’ll admit that this has been a traumatizing experience for me. One minute, you’re running a check on a sub’s communication systems like you’ve done a million times before and you know that you’ll do a million times more in the future and the next thing you know, somebody’s running in saying that you’ve got an emergency phone call from home and it’s your father telling you that your older brother had just died…”

“Hey, you guys,” Lisa interrupted. “I’m sorry if I’m interrupting anything, but I wanted to say to you guys how sorry I am. I wish I could have talked to you guys back at the funeral home or at the cemetery, but Don and my flight got in late and we barely got to the funeral home in time.”

“It’s okay,” Caroline assured her. “You made it and that’s what matters. I know it meant a lot to my parents that you tried so hard to get here.” She turned to Lydecker. “Thanks for the speech at the funeral. I know Chris would have really liked it and would have been proud of you for making it.”

“You’re welcome,” Lydecker said. He took a sip of the beer he held in one of his hands. “Chris was my best friend. I had to say something.”

“Let us know if you guys need anything,” Lisa insisted. “We’ll be in town for another few days at least.”

“We mean it,” Lydecker said. “If you need absolutely anything, we’ll be there.”

“Thank you,” Danny said. “We’ll let you know if we do.” He stood up and hugged both Lydecker and Lisa. Pete did the same and Caroline gave Lisa a hug and just gave Lydecker a quick and uneasy smile. “Thanks again for coming and for the speech.”

“Anything for my best friend.” Lydecker took another sip of his beer. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

“I’ll take that,” Lisa said, reaching for Lydecker’s beer. “I’ll be either here or talking with Mr. and Mrs. Robinson. Okay, sweetheart?”

Lydecker nodded. “Okay.” He gave Lisa a kiss and walked off.

“How is he holding up?” Caroline asked.

“I don’t know,” Lisa said honestly. “He’s been drinking a little heavily, but I can usually get him to put the bottle down before it gets too bad. I don’t blame him for taking this so badly. How many years were he and Chris friends?”

“Nineteen,” Pete answered. “They were friends since they were five years old. I can’t believe it was that long.”

“Neither can I,” Lisa said.

“Yeah,” Caroline said quietly. She looked around the room, still unable to shake the surreal feeling of the past few days. “Neither can I.”

TBC