Welcome to Our Life -- Chapter 44: Rena (X5-120)

Disclaimer:  The TV show Dark Angel, all of the characters that appeared on it (Max, Zack, Jondy, etc.), and everything else that has to do with the show belong to their respective owners, not to me.  No money is being made off of this fic.  I only own the original characters (Elle/X5-164, etc.).

I sat down on my bunk and stared at the door. It’s been a few weeks since Ben and Alec had been taken away and it hasn’t gotten a single bit easier for me. I know that sounds kind of selfish, but screw you. I know damn well how fucking hard it is for the two of them and it’s killing me to think of it.

I sighed and tried to blink away the tears in my eyes. Yeah, I’m a royal mess. I’m not afraid to admit that. But what the hell am I supposed to do? It’s not as if I hadn’t had loved ones sent off to Psy Ops for long stretches of time before. As much as I tease Syl, it was still hell when she got a month in Psy Ops years ago when Dash had died and then months after that when they threw Zack in there for three months after Unit 7 tried to run. This time, it feels different. It feels worse. Not that it didn’t feel horrible when Syl and Zack had been in there in Wyoming way back when, but…

“Knock, knock.” I smiled slightly when I heard Jondy’s voice outside of my cell. I could hear another person beside her and I’m willing to bet said other person was Maxie. “Can we come in?”

“I’ll come out and join you,” I said. “I need to get out of this hole in the wall.” I got up, opened the door, and walked out. Yep, it was Maxie that was the other member of Jondy’s cheering up squad. “Hey, you guys. What’s going on?”

Jondy shrugged. “Not a whole lot. Just killing the time until lights out. I think I might get some sleep tonight. I haven’t gotten any…” Jondy mock glared at me. “…sleep…in nine days. I’m all up for an hour or two of it.”

“Why would you think that I would say something, Jondy?” I asked innocently.

Jondy pretended to think about it. “Well, you might be right. It’s not as if my name is Syl.”

“You guys are a riot,” Max remarked. She looked up at me and her expression softened. “Holding up, big sis?”

“Somehow,” I admitted. The good mood was cool for all ten seconds of it. “It’s crazy, this is nuts, and maybe I’m losing it. Maybe I should be…” I couldn’t continue talking. Boy, am I one heck of a mess. “I just…” I looked down almost desperately at my sisters and I only saw sympathy in their eyes and I knew that I didn’t have to explain anything if I didn’t want to. They knew why I was feeling this way. They knew me better than anybody except maybe Sasha and…and Ben.

“Hey,” Max said softly. She hugged me. “It’s going to be okay, Rena.”

“I love him, damnit. I love him,” I cried. I was barely aware of Max tightening her hug and Jondy putting her arms around the two of us, offering her support as well. I’m in love with Ben. Do you have a problem with it? I’m in love with somebody wonderful who’s getting tortured as we speak. I fell as hard as anything for the man who knows me better than any of our brothers and sisters. The same person who knew how to cheer me up and keep me going during hard times. Yeah, I know I’m being all mushy but I don’t care. It’s the honest truth. It was why I never really felt jealous of Max and Zack, Jondy and Jack, Sasha and Kenny, or Tinga and Biggs…because I was in love myself.

“We know,” Jondy said softly. “We know how you’re feeling.”

“It’s not evil to feel like hell and beyond because the guy that you love is going through what Ben is,” Max said. We released the group hug and stood looking at each other. “You can tell us anytime it gets overwhelming, Rena. Anytime.”

“I just want him to be okay,” I whispered. “That’s all. I mean, it’s not as if I don’t want Alec not to be okay too and I know that he’s going to have it even worse or longer at least no matter what, but I just want Ben to be okay.”

“If God forbid they ever took Jack away to Psy Ops, I’ll be the one that’s climbing the walls and randomly freaking out,” Jondy promised. “I guarantee that. Just have faith, Rena.”

“I’ll try my best,” I promised. We paused when a lab tech approached us and told Max to haul ass to Director Renfro’s office, not in those exact words of course. Once Max had followed the man over to the evil bitch’s lair, I stretched my arms. “I should try to get some sleep. Maybe a good night of it will help me get my head together.”

“Good call, big sis,” Jondy agreed. She gave me a hug. “Stay with it, Rena. It won’t be long. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“You too, Jondy,” I said. I went into my cell and lay down on the bed. I could hear my other present brothers and sisters get to our block and into their own cells one by one and then the lights went out. I turned over onto my side and stared at the wall. Jondy was right. Besides, every day that goes by means that it’s another day closer to when Ben, and Alec as well, will be out of Psy Ops. I snorted and closed my eyes. Boy, did I sound nauseating. I must have drifted off to sleep because the next thing I knew, I was sitting straight up in my bunk and feeling startled as hell. I heard a noise and let out a sigh of relief. It was somebody, Max by the sound of it, knocking at my door. “What is it?”

“I’ve got a surprise for you,” Max said mischieviously. I narrowed my eyes. I knew that tone of voice too well. Luckily, I haven’t been on the wrong end of it too many times. When Max sounded like that, it meant that she had accomplished something that…I suddenly bolted from by bunk and threw open the cell door. There he was. Standing right next to Max and looking as if he’d been through the mother of all wringers, was Ben.

“Hey,” he said quietly.

“Hey,” I repeated. Max walked away and the second that she had gone, I pulled Ben into the cell and into a hug. Oh man, I didn’t want to let him go. I tried to open my mouth and tell him how much I had missed him, but I couldn’t say a damn thing. I was too overwhelmed to speak. He was here…he was safe. It was what I had been wishing for.

“I missed you,” Ben finally said.

“I missed you too,” I said. “Thank goodness that you’re okay.” I finally pulled back a little bit and managed to hold back a frown. I wanted to beat the living hell out of those assholes that had given Ben that haunted look. He was fighting in—good for him—but he was still freaked as hell. Those fuckers. “Are you really?”

“Eventually yes, debatable right now,” Ben conceded. “Jesus, Rena, it felt like they were trying to crack my brain open with a pair of pliers. If that’s what they’d done to me, what on Earth are they still doing in there to Alec…” He couldn’t finish and I just hugged him again. “If it wasn’t for Mia, I would have completely lost it.”

“Don’t forget the thank you note,” I said, trying to make the mood a little bit lighter. Ben needed it and sure enough, I got a smile from him. I looked deep into his hazel eyes and for a moment I held my breath and we seemed to be moving ever so closer towards each other. Inch by inch, closer, closer, almost…

“Holy crap, did I just hear Ben?” Yep, there’s Krit’s unbelievable timing asserting itself. We moved apart and got up and walked over to my cell door. Ben turned around and we looked at each other for a moment and gave each other a little smile.

“Just as well,” he said.

“Yeah,” I said. It really was just as well. As bad as Krit’s timing might have been, it was probably also incredibly brilliant. Jumping right into something romantic with Ben immediately after he’d been sprung from Psy Ops was not number one on the smart things to do list. I really didn’t mind. What Ben needed right now more than anything was support to get over what had been done to him and to keep him going until Alec was finally kicked loose. After that was over and done with and hopefully both he and Alec would be back to their old selves, then we would take our relationship over to romantic. I looked into Ben’s eyes again and I knew that he was thinking the same things that I was. He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, another smile, and then left my cell. I smiled again before I went back to my bunk, crawled in it, and fell asleep.