With November now over, we can look back at a couple of things that wed like answers to. Actually, its not really answers were looking for, moreover reasons as to why the two possibilities wouldnt work in todays America.
When you think of November, you think of Election Day and Turkeys. Often times those two are confused. As I walked out of the election booth last month, I was delighted for two different reasons. First and most importantly, it feels good to vote. Voting is one of our greatest rights in this country. Lots of people decide to not take advantage of the freedoms so many before us have died to protect. I say, screw em- that just makes my vote count even more.
The second reason I was happy LEAVING the booth was that I knew very shortly all the election gibberish would be over with. No more radio commercials telling me that Joe Blows opponent voted against slippers for pets or is pro-weapons of mass destruction. No more stupid lawn signs in blue and red. Its all said and done with for at least another ten months.
There are obvious problems with our system however in the name of campaign reform. The lack of any decent legislation is like a foul stench in the fridge. Any group powerful enough in this country can donate the funds to the guy that will say yes to them if elected. The same way an expensive defense bought OJ an acquittal, the best man for the job is often overlooked if his ads dont run during prime time.
We at the Pub have a fix.
First of all we need to set up an Election Budget for the presidential election. No private monies accepted. None. With the allotted budget, 3-5 final candidates divvy up the dough. In order to receive these federal dollars you must participate in all three presidential debates, which will be aired on TV free of charge to American citizens.
Same deal on the state and local scene. Debates will be the key to getting out your message. Three debates are also the key. The first debate will see each candidate answering questions from a panel of three journalists (of which no more than two can be affiliated of the same party). The second debate will allow each candidate to promote their message and rebut the message of their opponent from the previous debate. The third and final debate will future hash out points of interests, with the panel concluding the event with their concerns and praise of each candidates strengths and weaknesses.
All this stuff will be put on DVD, edited by topic, and made available to every voter who puts in the time to go vote, via touch screen and other available technologies. You simply go in, check the table of contents for the issues important to you, click on each candidates response, and see if the expert panelists think its a possibility. With all the tax free donations coming into the central Campaign Reform account, any American with a voter card can have one mailed to you in advance courtesy of AOL and their free 1000 hours of shitty internet service CD, or by simply logging on with a DSL line to www.CleanPolitics.org.
By the way, this shouldnt be allowed to be discussed and voted on by our politicians. Lets keep the wolves away from the hen house for a change, if what we really want is indeed, a change...
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Since 911 the airlines have taken a beating. Layoffs by the thousands have tricked down to most Americans in some form or another. People are still either afraid to fly for their safety, or dont what to be bothered by the hassle of endless lines at airports. Many see this as the demise our air travel industry. We at the Pub say its a great opportunity to create a whole new airline industry.
Welcome to Air Whitey! Your carryon luggage will be inspected as you enter our terminal, but we guarantee the wait to be no longer than ten minutes, or the drinks are on us! Our flights will be 100% safe! We can assure you that all checked luggage will pose no threat, because there will be NO checked luggage! Thats right, you will not fly with anything you cant see. Heres how it works...
Prior to your departure an Air Whitey representative will come to your home and pick up checked luggage. If you decide not to bring anything else, well give you 10% off your flight. From there, your luggage will fly with other baggage to your final destination and be waiting for you when you arrive with your fellow passengers (by the way, Air Whitey is going to offer more seats with all the free space, further reducing the cost
Its all a matter of organization and logistics. Luggage planes will make for great training to new pilots. Crazy Arabs terrorists will have many better things to do with their time than to make a statement of blowing up your underwear.
Come one come all. No waits, free food, and fly knowing your stuff isnt going to kill you or the annoying man in seat 17 C! Its a cant miss. Air Whitey... We care about you and your stuff!
