This is the shit I think of every day!

Maybe drag queens know something you don't!

One of these days, those damn dolphins are gonna lay some traps!

I've discovered what cats dream about.               I'm just not telling you!

Caramel covered onions! A great surprise for the kiddies come Halloween.Just hand one off and watch their cute li'l faces!

Who is "they" and why should I give a damn what they say?

Hey man, With a name like Slobodan, You MUST be evil!

Where ARE Milli & vanilli workin' now anyway. Do they still have those silly-assed names on their nametags?

ALBATROSS!!!

What do insomniatic sheep count?

One day I will have conclusive evidence that Ross Perot is in fact...  the hamburglar!!!

Just where exactly IS the beef? We've been waiting for an answer to that one for 16 years!!

Don't pick at it! You're only going to make things worse.

Mmmm... Zit puddin'!

If the crap they make McDonalds burgers out of IS beef.. I don't wanna see the cows they use!

Amish people...What's that about?

Why is it when a cartoon character (in ANY show) gets a lump on his head, It's bald when the head clearly has hair there?

If Data from star trek is such a  mystery, How come they're constantly hooking his head up to the stereo and shit?

For the last time... Old Metallica good new Metallica BAD!

I think if I was a male black widow I'd be celibate. Hell, I've got 8 arms with which to do some freaky shit to MYSELF!!

Would vegans eat an animal made of tofu?

The heimlich maneouver was tested on beagles when it was invented.

Ever have that dream where you pets can talk and they're mocking your fashion sense?

Sure the alien autopsy footage is fake. Then again they thought the same thing of the first platypus specimen in 1902!

Which way does water go down the drain on the equator?

100 smurfs in the village, one female. And they found that baby in the woods under a blue moon?!?

M & M's were made for the military in 1940. Ration D.

Honey never goes bad.

Just a reminder, orangutans belch at you when pissed off.

PEZ was born 80 years agoin vienna and was originally peppermint. The name PEZ comes from the german word "pfefferminz". Now you know!

Ever since my old lady left, my laundry has stopped doing itself. Hmm, must be depression!

I thought the male "Black widow" had it tough, The male praying Mantis is beheaded before he has sex!!! Men of every species feel for you guys!

The name Assenheimer is really a valid last name! There is also a Mary-Jane Assman in alberta! Go figure!

Just in time for hannukah, a tale your kids'll love. "The tale of Peter Rabbi"!