I was shuffling through old videotapes of Transformers episodes and I stumbled upon some gobots episodes, and beneath even those was something special..."Gobots Meet the Rocklords". The only cinematic escapade these toys had, and it was a gem.(HAHAHAHAHA!) I remembered it kinda, so I watched it again and then was forced to dig out all the old toys and smash them into one another like the old days! So now I proudly present: MY FAVORITE 5 ROCKLORDS TOYS!
#5 - Stoneheart. This was one of the bad guys...I got him at a yard sale years ago and always had him as some evil aquatic monster terrorizing the GI Joes, but actually he is made of Slate; "a cold hard rock symbolic of Stoneheart's personality" so says the packaging. Hard to have a personality when you had NO TV TIME. The package also says he was the largest rocklord and a wonderful warrior and Magmar even feared him and Bla Blah Blah. It also details why ruby red is his favorite shade of lip gloss, and why all the other evil rocks mocked him thoroughly because of it, driving him to become the "cold hard rock" he is today. This toy is actually one of the better rock lords because he's fairly poseable and fun to have fight the other rock lords. I always figured he could fire water blasts out from his mouth there too, but the package doesn't mention anything about that...But why, then...why does he look like the monster of the black lagoon if he can't shoot water?! WHY?!
Moving on...#4 isn't even a Rocklord per-say; it's a Rockasaur; it's Spikestone. Spikestone was part of a set of two Rockasaurs, the other being a green pterodactyl thing that I wish I knew how I managed to lose. Spike, though was "Related to triceratops with horned nose and armoured body" so says the package; and though I would have thought "Rhino", who be I to question Tonka? Apparently the rockasaurs weren't good or evil, they just did their own thing...which makes me wonder how these things mate? What a freak-show that's gotta be...or maybe it's a process that takes like twenty years...and what do they have, little pebbles? A-hem. Anyway, I also don't quite understand why it's bones are visible, since for a variety of reasons it doesn't make sense...but whatever. I liked this toy because although a unposeable toy in beast mode, it turned into a huge rock Magmar constantly found ways of rolling down onto the good robots. You could also probably take out a squirrel with it if you had good aim.
#3 is the token cool, possibly ethnic guy on the good team: Granite. He fulfilled much the same role as Blaster or Panthro did on their respective shows. Oh, and surprise, he's NOT MADE OF GRANITE. He's "Silvery: A tough-as-nails composition that reflects his strength and determination". Duh, can't you see all the freakin silver on him, and no, glare doesn't count. His accessory is a "T-gun" with "shiny bullets" that will pierce whatever they hit. Well, might as well make your damn bullets shiny just like SILVERY GRANITE HERE. Anyway, he's pretty poseable for a rocklord and was a neat character; the only good guy on the show who wasn't annoying and the only one who was actually all rock. Nugget was a friggin robot, marbles made me want to hurt myself, and both he and Boulder had FLESH. Why in the blue hell would rock lords have flesh? And why didn't it get obliterated every time the other HUGE STONE WARRIORS tore into it with claws and such? Oh, whatever. I liked Granite here because he could do side-kicks. Yes, that's why he's here. His legs couldn't bend naturally, but they could go up to the side and do keen martial-art esque superkicks to bad guy jaws! Cloudraker, the Autobot clone that came later in the Transformer line was constructed similairly, and he too was a favorite in every battle because he could side-kick. It was a strange fascination....Anyway, the packaging places him as happy go lucky with a good laugh. So, take that evil rocklords!
#2 is Brimstone! I think you can see him in the beginning of the show during that huge cool battle, and probably throughout...but it's not 'Sticks n' Stones' with two heads that's second in command of the bad guys, it's this dude! But I think he was second in command the same way BeastMan was for Skeletor. He didn't have any actual authority, and he would be laughed out of command if he ever tried to take it, but he was somehow Perpetually hanging around being made fun of by Magmar, so everyone just assumed he was #2. This guy came from the same yard sale as Stoneheart, and staying true to form I made him an evil lava monster before I learned about Rocklords(didn't take long, actually, but I actually liked the guys as monsters more then I liked them as "Rocklords"). I always assumed he could shoot heat beams from his eyes, but again the packaging simply reads: "A fouling smelling combaination of sulfar and rock. -Weapon:-The Torcher"...and it also says he's really smart and the torcher shoots fire and he laughs a lot and whatever. LAVA MONSTER. The toy had good fists for punching. Yeah, yeah, it was important back then dammit! And who cares, his legs could do side-kicks! WOO! He actually looked a lot cooler then Magmar, as did most of the evil Rocklords...and I envision him as having stuffed Slimestone down the garbage chute quite a few times.
And yes, The Narlies are #1! I didn't feel like scanning all of em in, but they're all the same thing, just repesenting different animals. These were actually an interesting toy concept which became strangely popular...sorta the "cool for boys" version of trolls until those became acceptable for a short while too. This is one of those toys a lot of people probably had while never realizing what the hell it was...they were furry little things that would wag their tail and move their mouth when moving.
...and for some reason they were a lot of fun. In the show they were supposedly split into good and bad, and were all pretty laid back until you pissed them off, which is when they got mean...just what they could do to people made out of rock somewhat baffles me, but what the hell, it was the 80's. There were a lot of these, and there was even one BIG bull-shaped one that was battery powered.
Actually, there were supposedly a lot of cool Rock Lords that never came out, like a combiner team and some playsets...oh well. One more thing...those little oval eggs that folded out into animals. Those weren't Rocklords, they were a crappy He-Man product called "Dino-orbs" or something like that.
Stay tuned for much better articles about things that will CHANGE YOUR LIFE!
And if you want -your- old crap immortalized in Nerdcore's hallowed pages, we'll be glad to take ANY old readable comics, working videos, or toys of any condition! Even if it's just cause they're taking up space and you want them out! Parents, if little Jimmy is away at college and he left the house cluttered with dumb toys...NOW IS THE CHANCE!
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