(Note: Knowing Rob it seriously surprises me that the following article didn't get done sooner in the history of Nerdcore.)

Let's face it, there are those movies that are made ever now and then that you just wish you had the directors chair. It makes it doubly painful when it's a movie based on one of the stapels of Nerds all across America and the world (and I don't count Star Trek). A good friend of mine, Steve (who is also my boss), loaned me Transformers: The Movie a while back, and now that I have to power to voice my opinion across the Internet, I figured I might as well review it.


('Nother Note: For all respecting Transformers fans. Please don't kill me after you read this. Arigato!)

The story begins with the following expositionary dialouge from a standard space war story anouncer: The Decepticons by 2005 have taken over Cybertron and exiled the Autobots to Earth and the Moons of Cybertron. From there the Autobots plan on retaking Cybertron from the hands of the Decepticons. Ok, right off the bat they commit Critical Flaw #1. It would have been nice for the director and producers to show us how the conquering of Cybertron occured. Instead, the opening shot is of the movie's villian, Unicron, devouring a planet. It's a small gripe but an important one in my opinion.

Next, we get to see a crew of Autobots from the original series take off for an energon run to Earth. Laserbeak brings this info to Megatron (bum bum bummmmm) who plans to take the ship and use it as a Trojan Horse to attack Autobot City on Earth. So he goes and boards the ship, kills half the original cast in less than a minute, and heads for Earth. This is Critical Flaw #2: they should have kept some of the older Autobots around for cannon fodder. The loss of comrades throughout the film, rather than in one battle, would have lifted the level of drama above that of a slightly more violent episode of the series.


Next we head over to Earth to meet our hero, Hotrod. Hotrod seems to be the standard issue "fun-loving guy who becomes the leader" type a little too soon in the film. He and Daniel, Spike's son, head out to watch the Autobot shuttle land but notice that the Decepticons have taken it over. The Decepticons launch the attack, and the unprepared Autobots send a destress signal to Optimus.
The battle rages all night and into the next day when Optimus and the Dinobots arrive. And then, my friends, comes the single best part of the movie. THE OPTIMUS PRIME vs. MEGATRON FIGHT!!!!! (da dada daaaaaa!) I won't give you the exact specifications of the fight, I'll just say that it leads to Critical Flaw #3. Optimus dies too early!! It would have made the plot way more interesting to have the Autobots need to protect a comatose Optimus untill the end. It would also have been a better fight at the end if Galvatron killed Optimus, driving Hotrod to become the new leader. Oh well, I'm just a fan. In the end Optimus dies, handing the Autobot Matrix over to Ultra Magnus, and Megatron is in seriously bad shape. Starscream ends up dumping him out into space to die, but Unicron shows up and makes an offer. Megatron will be turned into Galvatron and be given new troops if he destroys the Matrix.

Megatron accepts, is transformed into Galvatron, and heads for Cybertron just in time to wittness Starscream's accent to the throne. In one of the funniest moments of the series, Galvatron transforms into a kind of positron artillery cannon and blasts Starscream into oblivion. He is then made the new leader of the Decepticons. At the same time, Unicron arrives in Cybertron's orbit and consumes it's two moons along with Spike and several Autobots. Galvatron starts bitching about he owns Cybertron and it's moons, but Unicron hits Galvatron with a kind of pain inducing energy. Galvatron submits, and begins to set up a second attack on the cripples Autobot City.


Coming Soon.....Transformers: The Movie review Part 2 (as soon as I can learn to transform the Armada Optimus Prime. ::SNAP!!:: GODDAMMIT!!!!)

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