| Controlling Anger -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: At-Taqwa (page 7) Muharram/Safar 1418. IslamicCultural Center. Department of Women's Education. Dammam, Saudi Arabia. Naseehah (Advice): Controlling Anger Abu Hurayrah said: A man said to the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam), "Counsel me He said, "Do not become angry." The man repeated [his request] several times, and he said, "Do not become angry. Anger is a natural human emotion, and therefore it is impossible for anyone to never become angry. The meaning of this hadeeth is that one should not act upon his anger and should instead cultivate within himself opposite qualities such as patience and tolerance and being forgiving. At the time of being angry it is very hard to restrain oneself from manifesting it with words or actions. In this regard the Messenger of Allaah (salllallaahu alayhi wa sallam) sajd, "The strong is not the one who overcomes people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger. More often than not, getting angry and losing your cool is ineffective and counterproductive. Exploding and venting increases your angry feelings, puts a strain on your relationships, and potentially damages your health. When you become angry, your body goes through drastic changes: Stress hormones are released into the bloodstream. Heart rate and blood pressure surge upward, the body's fat stores discharge causing cholesterol levels to rise, and the immune system is temporarily suppressed as your body prepares itself for 'fight or flight.' Though some people think that it is healthier to just "let it out,' this view is simply untrue Research shows that people who vent their anger get more angry not less (3) Perhaps you've noticed that once you start "letting it out more and more comes out as you dredge up history and add that to what are currently angry about As venting your anger only increases it is very likely that you will harm or oppress those people at whom it is vented This is why the Prohet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said 'if one of you becomes angry, let him be qujet."' Suppressing your anger especially if you have been wronged in some way, is a great struggle, but leads to Allaah's love and forgiveness: And when they (i.e. those who believe]are angry, they forgive. [Ash-Shooraa' (42):37] Those [i.e. the muttaqoon] who repress anger and who pardon men. [Aali-'lmraan (3):134] The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) advised those who were in a fit of anger to do things that would help to diffuse it. For example, he said, "If one of you gets angry and he is standing, let him sit and his anger will go away; if not, then he should lie down." 5 Sitting down would make it more difficult to act upon the anger and give you time to cool down. Lying down makes it even more difficult to take any action and will help you to relax and your body to return to normal. Many times when we are angered, it is not really because of what someone else has done. but because of how we have viewed it, and our anger is a response to those thoughts. Seek refuge in Allaah from these whisperings of Shaytaan. Do not let Shaytaan fool you into thinking that suppressing your anger is a sign of weakness or that if you don't "stand up for yourself" by acting upon it that people will look Down on you and you will feel insulted and inferior This is not true We know from the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) that the one who controls himself at the time of anger is the one who is strong. and we know from the Qur'aan that restraining one's anger and forgiving even when angry are virtues Sulaymaan ibn Surad reported that two persons abused each other in the presence of Allaah's Messenger (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) and one of them fell into a rage and his face became red, Allaah's Messenger (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said, "I know of a wording, that if he were to utter it, would get him out of the fit of anger. The word is: I seek refuge in Allaah from Shayta an, the accursed (Ar. A'oodhu billaahi mm ash-shaytaan-ir-rajeem)." Then a person went to him who had heard that from the Messenger of Allaah (salla/laahu 'alayhi wa sallam) and said to him, "Did you hear what AIIaah's Messenger said?" He said, " know of a wording if he were to say that, (the fit) would be no more (and the words are): I seek refuge in AIlaah from Shaytaan, the accursed." And the person said to him, "Do you find me mad?" 6 Imagine your appearance when you are angry and consider that your words and behavior are a form of da'wah. What are you calling to? Hostility, rage, intolerance, harshness? As all of us are examples to others- new Muslims, non-Muslims, our children-we must be careful to exemplify the qualities that true believers should possess at all times. Remember that being easily angered or acting upon your anger are signs of weakness, and that patience and being forgiving even at the moment of anger are real strength. Notes: 1. Saheeh AI-Bukhaari (Arabic/English), vol 8,#137 2. Saheeh Al~Bukhaari (Arabic/English), vol 8, #135, and Saheeh Muslim (Arabic-English), vol 4A, #2609 3 The Healthy Mind. Healthy Body Handbook by Drs David S Sobel and Robert Ornstein (Time Life Medical Seriesj. pp 168~169. 4 Saneeh Reported by ibn 'Abbaas and collected by Ahmad (Saheeh AI-Jaami #693) 5 Saheen Reported by Abu Dharr and collected by Ahmad. Abu Daawud and Inn Hibbaan (Saheeh AI-Jaami #694 6 Saheeh AI.Bukhaan (Arabic;Engiish) vol 8 #126 and Saheen Muslim Arabic:English} vol 4A #2610 Refer to the footnote of this hadeeth for a complete explanation -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |