NJ Sneer's Johnny Slugger was charged yesterday with (some kinda) manslaughter, after stealing an unwed teenage daughta from the arms of a wed middleaged preschool teacher. He dove under a car where he kept cops and any competing daughta-robbas in a stalemate that lasted for hours on into the night, ending with a dramatic 15 car pileup and an epidemic of buttocular cancer, which neighborhood kids dubbed "The Lumpy Bottoms."

Diving deeply into the depths of his deep cunning, he fashioned a makeshift pistol in a pinch by extending his fore-finger and thumb, wrapping the remaining fingers into his palm, and positioning this "decoy" pistol next to the receipts for genital rash cream and animal crackers he kept in the pocket of his ten dollar plastic/leather hybrid jacket. He demanded the daughta be given to him in the name of rock and roll. After five minutes of arguing, it became obvious him that the preschool teacher wouldn't believe there was a gun in his pocket, so he screamed "I'm commin' fo' ya' daughta'!," sucker-punched her, and took the daughta, diving under a nearby 1929 Model T Ford for cover. "I've never ridden in a car before!" exclaimed a nearby passerby, in total confusion.

It was here that Johnny fended off the cops for four hours by curling up into a ball and falling asleep, where he dreamed about cross-dressing. The police weren't so much being fended off as they were waiting to make their move. Actually they were just waiting for him to come out. However, the authorities had waited too long. No bystanders were injured, but the daughta was eaten entirely by the end of the four hours. Johnny Slugger later stated in his defense, "I ran out of animal crackers, so I had to. If I hadn't eaten her, I would have died, so it's like I was saving a life, really." Johnny is still arguing as of this writing.