Please sign the 'effin guestbook...
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For security reasons I cannot and will not let any real names appear on this page. Fake names will appear instead. If people are offended by this then this means that I have succeeded in the designing of this page.
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Oh...by the way I have left Farai's name untouched in the disguising department so as to cause him as much embarrassment as possible. Reason: I don't like him very much.
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The page is for things that I find quite good...
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I am cool, so there!!
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Stevenich is a pathetic fool who is in love with Pollyannavich and who also has a dreadful speech defect. He has sat next to me in I.T. for the last year and a half constantly plagueing me with questions about why girls do not like him. As well as Stevenich, I have had Farai attempting to feel me up in lessons at every possible moment. If you are interested in seeing this barely human example of the BSP I am working on how to insert a picture of him. I am at present sitting next to a large Stevenage fat named Big Gay Al. He's quite nice with aspirations for going out with a portion of lemon curry. This danger to shipping knows many state secrets including who killed Kennedy and what happened to Raul Wahlenberg, that nice Swedish man.
  • John Franklin Kennedy was killed by the Russians for the embarrassment over the Cuban missile crisis.
  • Raul Wahlenberg was almost certainly shot by the Russians in Lubyenka/Lubianka Prison in Moscow.
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A funny thing happened to me on the way to the theatre tonight…a steamroller ran over my head. By the way, Big Gay Al is still sitting next to me. Nevermind. As many of my friends know I usually fall hopelessly in love with people I have no chance at all with. This is another matter that is not very relavent to anyone however for more information on deviant sex or sexuality please feel free to visit "The Temple Of Grundle" and "The Council For Revolutionary Activities". Click below to access them. Do finish reading my website though. The addresses are below. Do not click on them as they are not hyperlinks and so you are going to have to read the rest of my site. The real reason is that I haven't read up on how to insert a hyperlink yet...
http://www.oocities.org/grundlism/
http://www.oocities.org/comrade_porkachev/
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I hate myself and I want to die!!!
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That's OK, I don't feel like that anymore. I have found out through certain questionnaires that Big Gay Al is afraid of insects and intends to design an insecticide that will kill all insects with a nuclear wind that will wash the whole world clean. And it won't just kill the insects it will make them straight.
Theo is ugly. Thank you Big Gay Al. More to come on that one folks!
This part of the page is dedicated to a child of the Grundle. His name is Gregory Hitler. He is madly in love with a charming young girl called Anshling...but don't tell anyone!! She doesn't appear to be in love with him though. She, and I quote Mr. Hitler on this, "...doesn't know what she is missing...". I therefore call upon this misguided young female to rush into the arms of the aformentioned Mr. Hitler and make dreams come true.
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And now a word from one of my sponsors...

Hello Miniature People,
I represent the Christian Plastic Knees Association. My job in this noble organisation is the shooting and deportation of bits of string and other rubber ornaments. My primary concern is to singe the hair on the private parts of all the Rabis' in East Ackton. Another main concern of mine is the compulsory circumcision of all hedgehogs in the Paris region. The reasons for this is that I have heard, and I quote a senior hedgehog on this, that they "...have great difficulty getting it up...". If, by any chance you see any sterile, pissed off hedgehogs in the region please contact us, The Christian Plastic Knees Association. Send your reports on a piece of batter pudding. Thank you. Goodnight.
yours expectantly,
Albert Krupp
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Going back to the subject of honeys I add that it would also be pleasurable (to myself especially) if my honey would see the error of her ways and rush into my arms and make MY dreams come true. However I fear that that is only wishful thinking.
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 Here are a few things that me and my Grundlist friends (Hail to the holy GRUNDLE...) find rather enjoyable. It is called the "GOON SHOW". Not too difficult to read eh? Lots of nice short, easy to understand words for any Australians reading this. Actually I quite like Australians! If you are not a HOMI-G or a PLAYER then do feel free to click on the links below to read a few Goon Shows which are in my opinion absolute genius. Enjoy...
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Sorry, forget GOON SHOWS for a moment. I have an update on Mr. Hitler's situation in the field of female relations. The misguided young female Anshling is no longer called upon to jump into the arms of Mr. Hitler. Tough luck baby!! So much for humour. Anyway I have been informed that Mr Hitler and a young lady of the Polish Parachute brigade are misguidedly falling for each other. The young lady's name must be kept secret for security reasons known only to me and Mr. Hitler and that chap down at the bar called Bernard. It just isn't bloody fair. I've never come accross anyone misguidedly falling for me.
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Please feel free to visit this place for information about sexuality in The Way Of The Grundle Temple Of Grundle and this place aswell Comrade Porkachev's council for revolutionary activities. This site includes much that is offensive to teachers and other goodie goodies (Farai aswell). One of the two also includes an infiltration update of the movement which you must pay great attention to and report upon sighting of the enemy.
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Click on the links below for BRITISH comic genius. The pages were selected from a website known to me and to my Grundlist friends. Its address is (but don't tell anyone):The Goon Show Script Website

1985

The Man Who never Was Version 1

The Man Who Never Was Version 2

Wings Over Dagenham
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This is a new section called "People Of The Month (or whenever I next change the page)". It mostly dedicates itself to people I find interesting and not who other people find interesting. Click on the link(s) below to see the people of the month! Whoopee!
KGB and Russian President Chappie Of The Month
Yuri Andropov
There is a new page being made probably as you read this dribble all about my grundlist counterparts. Mr. Hitler requested this originally only for himself but after a short talk with the afformentioned chap and a spot of tooth re-arranging he saw the error of his ways. Kurt Cobain is also an up and coming feature on this site with NIRVANA tabs and maybe a few lyrics.
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If you want to complain about the silly nature of this site or you just want to be friendly then e-mail me here (e-mail address no.1) or here (e-mail address no.2).
Bloke Of The Month
Kurt Cobain
Happy Birthday to Stevenich who is no longer in love with Pollyannavich.30/05/2001
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The last words of a great man, now lost forever...
The Last Letter
Infiltration Update (from the Grundlism page)
Keep a look out for this man...
The lesser known punks of this age from Khrushchev to Yeltsin
Punks of this century...
By the way, if anyone who visits this site thinks it is a load of dingos kidneys and then feels compelled to tell me about how nauseating it is then sod them. I didn't ask them to come to this site in the first place. Well, probably not anyway.
Happy Birthday to Abingegail and to Sophie whenever hers is. And Vannessa too. Happy now?
The Latest News And Bastardology
Bastards and other things...
Due to his fibre thickening, Greg 'Gimpy' Hitler, known as the porridge eater of Lyle Street, is now in a rather confusing situation with a rather pretty young Russian maiden called Shaunavich which EVEN he doesn't understand. I therefore am going to delve no deeper into this confusing matter. While we're on the subject Simonovich and Anshling did some simultaneous fibre thickening on Friday evening and in the small hours of Saturday. Lucky bastard. Anyway, MY fibre might at last be maturing but that isn't clear to me at the moment so i'll write about it when i next know.

This is to all people who know Agent Large of N.V.S. (Nasty Villains Society). Please implore it to change it's MSN font and colour as it is blood vomitingly bad at the moment. People have been known to block him on MSN as a result of this font and colour choice. Also, hit him if you get the chance.
By the way, make a point of going to this website all about the metal band Haetus. They wrote it themselves and have included some pretty cool (but blurry) pictures. Click here to go to their website. If you look in the right place there should be a few downloads aswell. Well I think its cool anyway.
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I fear that my fibre is definitely thickening in the area of female relations. This is the same fibre that has lain dormant and aparantly (!?spelling?!) lifeless for the last 16 and a half years. The young female is a charming species of the Galapagos Islands area. Her name is Sheila McFred.Below is a new feature that I've only just worked out how to set up. Please feel free to sign or view, or even both if you're feeling adventurous.
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Life is all rather confusing really . Can no-one be trusted? My undergraduates at the KGB office in St. Germain have let Agent Large escape. There are over 50 eating places in St. Germain alone. Ooh, sobs of despair! I might as well bury myself with a copy of Shakespeare's works. Ooh, check out the site below. It bears a striking similarity to Interesting Fings in the idea format. To access it click here. If it irritates you, don't hesitate to say 'hello' to him. If it doesn't then you shouldn't be on this webpage and indeed not on the internet at all. By the way, the infamous mong had to have doctors poking about inside him the other day with an oversized vacuum cleaner. All rather tasteless really.
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In the Haetus guestbook someone says that they wish to see a picture of me, Theodore Chernenko, as I sound quite interesting. Do you realise what you are letting yourself in for? Am I as hot as any of the Haetus band? Probably not. This probably has something to do with my frequent failures where females are concerned. Anyway, as requested I shall get some posey photographs of myself up as quickly as possible. I feel I must warn you that I have a very large mirkin on the top of my head. Thanks for the interest though. You aren't a blind, deaf masochist by any chance are you?
Happy Birthday to Axel Stalin whose birthday it was on Friday 15th June 2001 and who had a VERY nice evening. Mr. Stalin is now of the legal drinking age in France. Good luck to him along with all the other painters.
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False alarm really regarding those photos. The person in the Haetus guestbook that was asking for pictures of me was in fact Large Hump giving us a very good example of why I have never heard of any Welsh comedians. Sir Jolly Green of Dumbass is disturbed about something which he will not tell me about. Hope it soon goes better for you Mr. Green/Dumbass. Due to the success of my 'ANTI-BILL18286' campaign the offending website has been shut down. Well done housewives, and a Merry Christmas to you all.
Apologies about the first page of my guestbook what with it being so wide but I'm afraid that is a matter outside of my control. Happy Birthday to Nathalie and to Bruce and to anyone else's that I may have forgotten.
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Hello again my fine fellows and other devout followers of my site. Well, thats enough small talk, now to certain things... As anyone who has remarked on the peculiar complexion and scars on our knees will know, an interesting trip to a small council dustheap known as england took place, involving much missing of trains, climbing out of windows and disturbing old ladies with small dogs. In this strange country we met with some natives, who have an ancient custom of becoming insulted by the sight of people carrying deckchairs. We, the ambassadors of good taste and decency, had a wise and intelligent exchange of views with some of the aforementioned natives, over the small matter of the deckchair, which in their strange tribal custom was a great insult. They issued a half-hour long statement to the effect that 'I just want to know why he called me a prick.. know what i mean? My mate here, he says he heard you call me a prick, and i dont like wankers mouthing me off.. know what i mean?'. Through a friendly native interpreter, we managed ot learn that half an hour of this meant that the nice man was rather perturbed by our perambulation in too close a manner to the location of his rest, and by our transportation of certain portable methods of reclination. You have to be clear on these things... We would like it known that we now have a nervous breakdown reaction to the words 'know what i mean', and adidas tracksuits. But enough of the local amenities. Our real purpose in Stratford was to see Shakespeare plays by the cunning RSC. Unlike the locals of Stratford, the players of the RSC were able to deliver their lines in the English that Shakespeare would have been proud of. This year it was Hamlet, Julius Caesar, and Twelfth Night on the menu. All this was done and seen without the annoying prescence of the natives of Stratford but instead by the natives of the acting profession such as ginger Kenneth Branagh. Hooray. well, more to come later folks!
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Finally, an update! Well, I don't have much to say. I'll try and think of something though. Before we get started though I want to say how saddened I was at the terrorist attacks last week on tuesday 11th 2001. It upsets me a great deal to know that some people attempt to get their way through senselessly blowing up other people. Well, to all the terrorists out there: FUCK YOU, SUCK MY FUCKING DICK YOU RELIGIOUSLY FANATICAL PIECES OF SHIT! Anyway, that's enough pleasantries. The attacks have lead to one (probably more!) sick jokes, one of which came from my dad who had 12 people working in the trade towers, all unaccounted for. He says jokingly that, "...it's just a few less people we have to make redundant...". He isn't always like that though. OSAMA BIN LADEN: Well, I think he does what he does because he has a really small penis or has only got one ball and is really jealous of the American people or rest of the civilised world for that matter. Well, when the Americans have finished with him he won't have much penis OR testicle left. Personally, I think that NATO should nuke the TALIBAN 1 because they are hiding Bin Laden and 2 because of their Islam laws about Women. That's just my view though. Mr. Harold Blun has been mingeing about all day today, I don't know what about. Perhaps he can enlighten me. I can feel the manic depression setting again. Lets just hope it doesn't last longer than a week. I am hotly awaiting an album of 'Garage-Rock' as Minster Hill aptly called it. I am of course referring to the latest remixed album by Mr. Blun and Mr. Hitler's group HAETUS. Get some off them today. I am also trying to get more people to sign my geustbook by adding more infuriating links to them. Well, you know what to do don't you...sign the effin' guestbook, know what I mean guv?
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Well well well. It now transpires that I am a 'fake' because of the voices I do. It was also rumoured that I was gay. Some nice upper-sixth people have been spreading these rumours. Well, do you want to know what my answer is? Well, they must be SPOT ON the mark! I mean, if the upper sixth say that I am a fake and that I am gay then they obviously must be onto something! Fuck You! Fuck You! Fuck You! Pieces of Shit! Alternatively, it could just be because they have the Osama Bin Laden syndrome as was explained in the previous article. Well, it was through niceties like these that got through to me to cause me to have a really shit Friday piss-up evening. This was aided with the fact that I mixed drinks all evening. So...Once again...Fuck You! By the way, I am not talking to people collectively, I am simply addressing myself to the people who started saying these things with the obvious intent of ruining my social life. I still love most of you really!
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I hate myself and I want to die!!!
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Hi, its me again with another installment of my conjugated feelings. But first here is a letter that was found to be rather amusing by certain people:
Dear Sir or Madam,
I represent the Afghan Cheese Association, I am having trouble selling my stocks of thunderpills due to your continued bombing of my cheese trees. I might also make the point that the hedgehogs in the surrounding area are being severely affected with planes that continually crash into their molehills. My associate, Simon Bin Lorden also made the point that his terrorist hamsters (specially imported from the remains of the Chernobyl reactor) are spontaneously exploding a little more frequently than before due to the dropping of aardvarks on their home soil. I, as a respected cheese grower and noted amateur postman, have habitually fed my pet elephants on my mutant cheese for years and since your bombing campaign using the C.H.L.O.E. MK.II bomb it has put the elephants off lay and as a result they have stopped eating my mutant cheese. The portable cheese receptor has also stopped laying curried scotch eggs. You may think that I am a complete lunatic. You may indeed, but that’s beside the point. This C.H.L.O.E. MK.II bombing campaign MUST STOP.
Yours respectfully,
Albert Krupp, Commissioner for Oaths and Threats.

Well nevermind. I have recently developed a new theorem. Here it is.
Chernenko's Theorem:
For me to be successful with young people of the opposite sex I must do the following:
1: I must don a football shirt.
2: I must speak loudly with a British accent.
3: Remove 2 or 3 (3 to be on the safe side) 0's off my IQ level. This will increase my level of "...oh my god, he's so HOT!" or 'hotness' in general.
4: Oh yeah, I have to like football or rugby.
5: I have to be a 'packaged-rebel' not the 'improv' that I do.

Right, that should be enough to get me any girl of your dreams APART from the ones that have smatterings of intelligence about them. But there aren't many of those about the place are there?!!!
If you lot hadn't already realised, I am being cynical/sarcastic! I am basically letting out my feelings on the players of the ISST tournament. Fuck you all!!! You have caused more misery to me than the attacks on the USA on September 11th did. What am I doing wrong? Will someone please tell me if I have a mutation that I can't see or something along those lines!
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More to come on my psychological state guys...
Oh dear, its happened again. Sorry, another psychological failure there. Fuck it. Anyway, thanks SO much to the people that looked after my inebriated, vomit stained form on Friday at St. Germain. I really appreciate it even if I can't remember who you were. Damn the un-marked policemen of St. Germain aswell. Damn also the small, two stone, blonde weaklings who have mystical powers over women. Anyway, god knows how I got home, cos I woke up this morning in this strange bed I didn't recognise with a bed next to me with a bloke of my age sleeping in it. It turned out to be Mr. Stalin fortunately. Anyway I'm in this room, I've no idea how the fuck I got here and I then go and play an electric guitar that happens to be lying about the place playing, in my view, a rendition of Purple Haze worthy of Mr. Hendrix himself. Once again, thanks awfully to the nice naughty ladies and gentlemen who looked after me and got me 'after-puke' water. Good day sirs.
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Well its bin a long time since I wrote anything of interest, or anything at all, on this website. Just a few things to say. A jolly nice heavy band has started up with lots of intelligent bandmembers. Click here to go to RipKore's website where you get to see the BSP head boy of 2002 turn purple just for you. Good old Nathan and good old Professor E.H. Gombrich of the Story Of Art for that matter. May everyone be happy and no-one jump off any bridges at all! I'm trying to give that up at the mo. Goodbye all... By the way I'll try and think of something interesting to say next time.
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Click here to download Wolfenstein 3D. Ye who download this game get to shoot Nazis while retaining your dignity before your computer screen. Elephant soup and squodge potato droppings to you all...
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Haha...England lost and the righteous won!!! Well that was fun wasn't it?! New bizarre website of the week belongs to a certain Frangiepoos and it consists of mostly nonesense except for one interesting bit where there are some smashing pictures of me. Click here to see pictures of the holy maker of this site on, funnily enuff, the 'photos' section of the website. Even before you ask it, I naturally take it for granted that you are ALL stupid and therefore I feel the need to condescend to you. Well, theres the latest update, enjoy life with a twist of lemon...
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I hate 'hot' people...
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May God damn all the rice people that have enough rice in their internal digestive system to make up a rice pudding with a fellow rice person. And yes, I'm having a quick rant about the unjustness of life. Have a nice life you bastards...
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Stevenich is a emphatic Vulgarian with a penchant for leather elephant nightshirts. Well, he did ASK me to mention him on my site. But still, to more important matters. Kurt Cobain's unheard song 'You Know You're Right has been leaked onto the internet!! Its really rather spiffing and I suggest that all you grungers download it immediately. Britney Spears fans can stick to their records though. Anyways I had a lovely summer holiday in various parts of Europe which was rather good fun. I saw Russia (small bits of it) which was certainly an 'interesting' experience. Don't buy Russian cigarettes by the way. Alice wants to be on my website. So does Zoe. I love them to bits. They are absolutely wonderful pets. School is depressing. Girls are being equally tiresome as they were last year, if not more so. Murderdolls are worth checking out despite their links to Slipknot...erm...dunno what to say...oh yeah, GET 'YOU KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT' by Nirvana. It's wonderful. Chars one and all...
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Just out of interest, does anyone THINK that I am gay? Another tiresome rumour that went round thats all. I'm just a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Thanks Eddie Izzard.
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Well hello there my merry followers. It has been a long time since I updated this page. Well here it is, 4 or 5 lines of unadultered nonesense. Except this time we have a link to an entirely new page which is dedicated to art works, mine to be precise. There will (hopefully) be regular updates but until the time that a digital camera photographs my work then I'm afraid you're stuck with what there is. Click below to view this entirely new page!
Subatomic Tinge's Artsy Page
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