Sailor Moon: Silent All These Years By Eclipse sailor-eclipse@yahoo.com http://www.legendarymoon.f2s.com Rating: G ---------------------------------------------- Quick A.N.: For those of you who don't know the Japanese names... Usagi/Usako-      Serena Mamoru/Mamo-chan- Darien Motoki-           Andrew Unazuki-          Lizzy (Andrew's sister) Ami-              Amy Rei-              Raye Makoto-           Lita Minako-           Mina Tuxedo Kamen-     Tuxedo Mask youma-            monster Odango-           dumpling (used to describe Serena's hairstyle                            of spaghetti and meatballs) She walked dejectedly down the street. He had just told her to leave him alone again. Why was he being so cold? She just didn't understand it. Had she done something wrong? Were her grades making him think she was a bubble brained airhead? She knew he was smart. He always had been. Was it that he wanted someone he could talk to about intellectual things? She paused and looked at the gleaming sidewalk in front of her. Tears filled her eyes to their brims.   'Can I really help the fact that I'm not as smart as Amy?' she  thought helplessly. Her heart sank. Could it really be that? She had almost passed by her destination as her thoughts meandered through the countless possibilities of why Mamoru had so suddenly became hateful toward her. She turned and entered the video game center with hopes of taking her mind off of Darien. {Excuse me, but can I be you for a while?} {My dog won't bite if you sit real still.} {I got the Antichrist in the kitchen} {Yellin' at me again.} {Yeah, I can hear that.} ----------------------------------------------------------- He leaned against the door. Why did she have to be so difficult? Couldn't she just get the point and leave him alone? It was bad enough that he had genuinely cared for her, now he had to protect her from... well, himself. All because of a stupid dream. He grunted and forced himself to get ready for work. He had only five minutes once he had stepped out of the shower. Darien ran through his apartment hurriedly getting ready, this new job was already putting a strain on him and it was only his first day. He grabbed a garbage bag that was full and sitting by the door, waiting to be taken down to the dumpster. He raced down the steps, not having the patience to wait for the  elevator, and tossed the bag in the dumpster on his way by. {Been saved again by the garbage truck.} {I got somethin' to say, you know, but nothing comes.} {Yes, I know what you think of me,} {You never shut up.} {Yeah, I can hear that.} ------------------------------------------------------------ She sighed. What now? The video games had only suceeded in  making her feel more depressed because Motoki's girlfriend had shown up with a picnic meal for them. She sighed and left her Sailor V game unfinished.  Later, she had met the others for ice cream and a discussion about Chibi Usa. They had been speaking something of a Crystal Tokyo when a loud motorcycle had pulled up at a nearby stop  light.    "Stop that racket!" she screamed over the loud rumble of the engine. The driver of the motorcycle lifted the visor of his helmet to show her who it was. Mamo-chan... Her heart stopped. There was a woman on the back of the motorcycle clinging to Mamoru's waist.    "Oh," she muttered, "Mamo-chan!" She yelled and ran towards him, completely forgetting about her ice cream. Both Mamoru and the girl looked at her, confused.   "Mamoru, who is that?" the woman behind him asked.   "Oh, that's just some girl I know," he answered. The light turned green and they sped off. Usagi collapsed to her knees, staring after him in disbelief.   "I'm just... some girl..." he mumbled as her lower lip began to quiver and her vision was blurred with her tears. The girls had  gathered around her, trying to comfort her but only made her feel more miserable. She stood up and ran. She didn't know where she was going, but she knew she couldn't sit there and cry.   'I'll make myself a better person Chiba Mamoru. And you'll be sorry you let me go!" she thought angrily as her feet drummed on the pavement. {But what if I'm a mermaid} {In these jeans of his} {With her name still on it?} {Hey, but I don't care,} {'Cause sometimes,} {I said, sometimes I hear my voice,} {An' it's been here,} {Silent all these years.} ------------------------------------------------------ Mamoru cursed himself for doing what he had just done. He was a lousy human being by his own standards. The look of utter disbelief and hurt in her eyes was enough to make him cringe.    'I'm sorry Usako... I'm sorry I have to hurt you like this... but it hurts me too,' he thought as his motorcycle sped through the tunnel.  Unazuki held his waist tighter.   "Mamoru, you're going awfully fast..." she said in his ear. He muttered his apology and slowed down. ------------------------------------------------------- Usagi slowed in front of a beauty parlor, out of breath. She  put her hand on the glass and used it to support some of her meager bodyweight. She hadn't eaten in such a long while. Not since... since... She didn't want to even think about it. Her stomach growled in protest, reminding her that it was still there.   'So my Mamo-chan has moved on? Is she really smart Mamoru?' she  thought as she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the window. She decided to go into the parlor to see if they could make her look older than the child she was. This was it. She was going to launch a full out war on Mamoru, to show him how little she needed him. {So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts.} {What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?} {Boy, you best pray that I bleed real soon.} {How's that thought for you?} ----------------------------------------------------------------- He stopped in front of a large hourse in the middle of the countryside. Unazuki smiled and kissed his cheek after she thanked him. He watched her run up the sidewalk and into the house. He knew she was only a friend, but even if she were more, she would never equal what Usagi had meant to him. No one ever would. He climbed back onto his motorcycle and rode out to the piers. Mamoru stood at the end of one of the docks, holding his helmet and gazing up at the stars. A group of them made an outline of Usagi's face, or so it seemed to him. His head dropped and warms tears fell from his cheeks.   'I am nothing withhout her...' he thought miserably. {My scream got lost in a paper cup.} {Think there's a heaven} {Where some screams have gone?} {I got twenty-five bucks an' a cracker,} {Do you think it's enough to get us there?} ----------------------------------------------------------- Usagi stepped out of the beauty parlor feeling like a new person. It was amazing what they could do for one's self image. She now had a bag full of make up and a curling iron carried at her side. Her hair was now up in a high bun on her head and some light make up accentuated her delicate features. On her way home, she recieved many cat calls from high school boys driving by with a car full of their friends. She smiled and gave them a little wave in appreciation. She intentionally went the long way home, which took her right by Mamoru's apartment building. She didn't know why, but she wanted to see him as heart-broken as she was... no... is. She turned onto the block that he lived on just as he had pulled into the parking garage. She took a deep breath and continued with her head held high, pretending she didn't see him. She wanted to make him speak first. {'Cause what if I'm a mermaid} {In these jeans of his} {With her name still on it?} {Hey, but I don't care,} {'Cause sometimes,} {I said, sometimes I hear my voice,} {An' it's been here,} {Silent all these...} --------------------------------------------------------------- Mamoru meandered up the steps from the parking garage. He looked up to see... to see the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen. He even ventured so far to say that she was almost as beautiful as Usagi's inner beauty. As he neared her, her gentle features came into view, then her beautiful, bright blue eyes, and shimmering gold hair. It was his Usako! Only... her hair was different... He liked it, but he still favored the odango hairstyle. He stopped directly in her path. She stopped and glared up at him, a look few had seen.   "Usako?" she started, "You look... Your hair-"   "Yes Mamoru?" she interrupted, "I must get home now. My parents are expecting me for dinner." She had an impatient tone to her voice. It made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He shrank back slightly, surprised that she would speak to him that way. He suddenly became angry with her.   "Why did you change yourself?!" he yelled. She returned the icy cold look that he had given her. He shrank back more. With an angry growl of frustration, he turned and stormed up the steps in front of the building. She stared after him, that same look in her eyes as before their encounter. ---------------------------------------------------------- It was more than a week before they ran into each other again. Usagi hadn't slept well since before Mamoru had broken up with her. The past few nights had been the worst. She had an empty feeling to go along with the rejection of the initial break up. Usagi's grades dropped from almost passing to one which she could count on her fingers. It felt like an eternity had passed, to her, as she sat in detention. She was late every day now. Try as she might, she just couldn't help feeling depressed. The senshi all knew something was wrong, but try as they might, they just couldn't squeeze a reason out of her. She always came home straight from detention, not stopping for an ice cream or for a quick video game. Motoki had watched her, for a week, walk straight by the arcade without even a glance in the window.  It looked as if she had been losing weight now too. He didn't hestiate in letting Mamoru know her condition because it had always seemed that Mamoru had been watching over her. Mamoru just shrugged it off to his friend but deep inside, he was being crushed and mangled at every little description his friend had related to him. --------------------------------------------------------------- Usagi had walked into the house and dropped her book bag by the door. She deposited her shoes on the mat and continued up the stairs to her bedroom. She closed and locked the door behind her. She looked around her room. It was a typical girl's room, pink here and purple there, with stuffed animals everywhere. She walked over to her bed and lifted her favorite of her stuffed animals from it's comfortable resting spot on her pillow. It was a semi large, pink stuffed bunny.  She clutched it tight to her chest.She fell onto her bed using the stuffed rabbit to muffle her cries of pain, hatred, and frustration. It was so difficult not to show how much she really had needed him. She had been experimenting with different styles of doing her hair and settled on tying it all back in a high bun. She had liked the way it made her look, very sophisticated and intelligent. She sat up after her tears had stopped flowing and looked out the window, ignoring her own reflection. It was twilight now and a few stars were beginning to dot the darkening sky. The moon was just beginning to show itself over the horizon. Tears dripped down her cheeks as she remembered the way their love had been back in the Moon Kingdom. {Years go by.} {Will I still be waiting?} {For somebody else to understand?} {Years go by.} {If I'm stripped of my beauty} {And the orange clouds raining in my head...} -------------------------------------------------------- Mamoru charges up to his apartment in a desperate attempt to flee from Motoki's questions about Usagi. Motoki had finally figured out that there was something between them, or at least there had been, and was now trying to figure out why Mamoru had dumped her. Mamoru lets out a sigh of relief as he collapses into a large stuffed chair in his living room. How much longer would he avoid her before he finally was able to confront her with his feelings and about the dream. He wasn't sure how much longer he could handle those glares of ice she now shot him. It wasn't in her nature. Could she truely hate him so?  These questions had plagued him for too long. He stood up and glanced at the clock. 10 pm. Would she be asleep? Probably. With those slough-like sleeping habits, she probably would have been in bed, asleep, hours ago. He went back to his bedroom and changed into his boxers. He  brushed his teeth in the adjoining bathroom then crawled into bed with hopes of actually getting some rest. He lay on his side and saw the picture he had kept on his night stand. It was of him and Usako when she had brought him a lunch (made by Makoto of course). They had gone to the park to eat it. He sighed and closed his eyes, unaware of the tears rolling down his pillow. {Years go by.} {Will I choke on my tears?} {'Till finally there is nothing left} {One more casualty} {You know we're too easy... easy... easy} ----------------------------------------------------------------- The next day, Usagi charged down the sidewalk, late for a  senshi meeting. Mamoru was carrying a stack of papers from the building he had worked in to the company's other building a block down. He rounded the corner just as she had glanced up to see the bus to Rei's temple rolling down the street. She muttered a curse and pushed her legs to move her faster. **CRASH** In a flash of light and a snow shower of papers, Usagi and Mamoru had their first encounter in a week.  Usagi quickly scrambled to her feet mumbling quick apologies, not even bothering to see who it was she crashed into. She turned to take off toward the bus stop when a hand grabbed her arm. She turned around, her face twisted in pain and confusion.   "Would you please let-" she started and looked into the face she had missed so much.   "Usako... Will you talk with me?" he asked quietly, almost afraid to see her reaction. She glanced down the street at the bus she had missed and sighed.   "Fine. Let's get these papers cleaned up," she agreed and added  quickly, "but you're explaining it to Rei." He laughed and nodded as she bent down to pick up the papers. They dropped the papers off at the appropriate building and Mamoru had taken his lunch break. While she waited, Usagi had used her comminucator to call the others and tell them she'd miss the meeting. Rei grumbled but agreed to let her go this time. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Mamoru had treated her to lunch at a café near the video  arcade. She stared at his solemn features trying to figure out what he was going to say so she could prepare herself while trying to mask her own feelings for him. They ate in silence, only commenting on how good the food was. She was about to leave when he stopped her again.   "Usako-" he started.   "My name is Usagi," she interrupted. He nodded understandingly.   "Usagi, I wanted to tell you... I... It's not that..." he stuttered. Usagi was shocked at hearing him stutter. He always knew what to say and she had never heard him like this before. Suddenly his pager went off and he stood up.   "I'm sorry Usagi. I've gotta go," he said as he dropped the money for the bill and tip on the table. He rushed out of the café and disappeared into the lunch crowd of people. Usagi sighed. She had gotten nothing from his expression. She was frustrated and wanted to be alone to think. Usagi trudges home in the heat of the day. {Well, I love the way we communicate.} {Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape.} {Let's hear what you think of me now,} {But, baby, don't look up -} {The sky is fallin'.} ----------------------------------------------------------- Mamoru curses himself yet again for not being able to tell her how he felt about her and why he had acted the way he did. He engulfs himself in his work in an attempt to stop thinking about what had happened. He succeeds only in finishing his work early and being allowed to go home. There, he sits and attempts to figure out how to tell her what he thinks she should know. Suddenly Luna jumps into his window and starts telling him that Usagi is in danger and he's the only one who can save her. He immediately jumps to his feet and transforms into Tuxedo Kamen. Riding his motorcycle to her aid, her rushed to her side. He arrives to find the sailor senshi trying to wake her up, but with no luck. He walks over to her body and embraces it, whispering apologies into her unhearing ears. He remembers a book that was read to him back when he had lived in the orphanage. It was of a fairy tale in which a beautiful princess had been placed under an evil spell. She could only be awakened by her true love's kiss. He decides that it was worth a shot. He leaned down and gently kissed her rapidly cooling lips. She came to life again and took a deep breath in his arms.   "Mamo-chan?" she whispered, "I'm so cold..."   "It's all right... You'll be okay now Sailor Moon," he comforted. A vision of his nightmare flashed in his mind and he released her from the embrace. The youma that had placed her under the spell attacked again. The senshi easily defeated it with the help of their leader, Sailor Moon. Tuxedo Kamen walked away from the scene, a wilted rose in his hand. Sailor Moon chased after him, asking about what he was going to tell her earlier but he replied that he didn't wish to speak about  it now. Tears streamed down her face as she realized that love was still in existence between them since the spell wouldn't have been broken without it. {Your mother shows up in a nasty dress.} {It's your turn now to stand where I stand.} {Everybody lookin' at you.} {Here, take hold of my hand.} {Yeah, I can hear them.} ------------------------------------------------------------- Usagi met Mamoru, at his request, at Rei's temple. They were there to talk, according to the message given to her by Rei.  Mamoru arrived with a red carnation for Usagi, who was looking at  him with caution in her eyes. She didn't want to be hurt again. She didn't know if her frail heart could handle another blow. She nearly melted when she saw him flash a geniune smile at her. She nodded, her expression not changing. Little did he know how much energy and heartache it was taking from her to keep her distance and not show any emotion. He motioned for her to sit on a bench under a nearby cherry tree. She obeyed and listened quietly.   "Usagi, I  know you don't want to see me, let alone listen to my excuses for treating you the way that I did, but please let me explain. I did all of that because I thought I was protecting you," he said, forcing his voice to be steady. She flashed him a look of curiosity but waited for him to finish.   "It was because of a nightmare I had. It said to me that you would die if we got too close Usak- Usagi. I couldn't ignore it, for your safety," he explained, "I know it's no excuse and I made a mistake by not talking to you about it. I'm sorry. It's been eating away at me. Every time I saw that injured look in your eyes or that icy glare... it hurt knowing that I did it to myself. I'm so sorry... Please let me make it up to you." She looked down at the carnation he held out to her. She sighed and turned her gaze to the footpath in front of her, trying to decide what to do. She didn't know if she could let herself fall in love with him again or if she could even trust him. Finally, she looked him in the eye with understanding flashing in her own.   "Mamoru, I understand that you were protecting me, but it will take a long while before I can let myself be as open to you as I had been before. You hurt me and it'll take time before it heals enough for me to trust you completely," she answered. He nodded and turned his eyes to the ground. She smiled for the first time in a month and hugged him.  He let out a yelp of surprise before settling himself to cry on her shoulder in happiness. {But what if I'm a mermaid} {In these jeans of yours} {With her name still on it?} {Hey, but I don't care,} {'Cause sometimes,} {I said, sometimes I hear my voice.} {I hear my voice,} {I hear my voice,} {An' it's been here,} {Silent all these years.} {I've been here,} {Silent all these years.} {Silent all these...} {Silent all these years.} ============= The End The lyrics are to Tori Amos' song, "Silent All These Years" and I don't have permission to use them. If you have a chance, listen to the song. It is really good. This story was inspired by a fic by Jupiter Princess called, "Head Games". Read it! It's a great story! Well peeps, what'd ya think? Please e-mail questions, comments, and flames to sailor-eclipse@yahoo.com . Many thanks readers! ~*Eclipse*~ 5-10-2000