| Vid the Kid on Bisexuality |
When I was going through that 'awkward' age of puberty with my friends, I started to think maybe I was a little bit different. All of my friends seemed to be attracted to girls, but not me. Actually, I wasn't attracted to anybody. I was pretty much asexual. To fit in, I pretended to like girls, but I never dated. (Actually, when I stumbled on some of my dad's porn, I was kinda relieved to know that it turned me on -- but thats an entirely different story.) Actually I kinda took pride in my "control" over my sex drive, as it helped me build a sense of morality. Truth is, my sexuality was still buried deep inside.
In the summer between high school and college, I met a guy online named Chris. We had a lot in common, and quickly became friends. We developed a kind of trust -- in fact we shared some intimate personal information. He even told me that he was bisexual, though he isn't really 'out'. On more than one occasion I observed that our friendship seemed more intimate than that of some romantic couples. Finally, after we both started classes, things got interesting. Chris posed a hypothetical situation in our chat one night, and what I came up with surprised me. I realized then that there was a chance that I wasn't straight. By the next night, I knew I was in love with Chris.
Unfortunately, things didn't work out very well between us. Two months later, a few weeks before christmas, I realized that had fallen in love with a local girl, Kat, whom I had been dating for about a month. By this time, I was quite certain that I am bisexual, and am even more sure today.
I actually heard this opinion from a gay friend of mine. I find this very ironic, considering that homosexuality is sometimes attributed to confusion by heterosexuals. I am bisexual, and that means I am capable of being attracted to and falling in love with members of either sex. I don't see any reason to limit myself to either gender.
I can see how people might think this. A bisexual does not, simply by being bisexual, require romantic or sexual attention from members of both sexes. Yes, some bisexuals probably have both a boyfriend and a girlfriend, but this is easily comparable to having more than one boyfriend or more than one girlfriend. It has nothing to do with bisexuality. Rather, gender is of little importance to a person who is bisexual. I hold the ideal of exclusivity in high regard. My bisexuality only becomes relevant when I am seeking a new romantic partner.
I do not claim to know everything about being bisexual, though I have learned much in a very short time. It basically comes down to this much: when I am looking for a special relationship, why does it have to be with a woman? For that matter, why can't it be? I honestly don't see the need for any limitations.
When I was just starting to figure things out, and when it seemed like things were really over between me and Chris in the romantic sense, my mom was talking to me on the phone and she could tell I was kinda bummed. She wanted to know what was going on, so I told her I would explain it in an email. A few days later, I finished the email and she read it, and didn't freak like I had expected. Just a couple of days later I told my dad. He gave me the classic "Dad" speech that every teenager gets when they start to get romantically/sexually involved with other people. It was kinda funny, he kept using the phrase, "Now I'm not sure exactly how this works on the gay side of things but..." I really gotta appreciate how understanding and supportive my parents are.
The next step was telling a few very close friends. I just couldn't keep it in. It really isn't my nature to keep secrets. About this time is when I moved to a different dorm. I had had a dispute with my roommates, but thats a topic for another page of my site. On the other hand, I felt personally threatened by some anti-gay remarks shared by one of my roommates and a neighbor. I came to my RA with this and he was understanding. Luckily it wasn't long before I was able to get my own single dorm.
When I started dating Kat, I came out to her on the first date. That might seem like a really dumb move, but I want her to be able to trust me intimately. Besides, she told me one of her deepest secrets that night too. I think it went well.
Slowly -- over a couple of months -- I told my friends what had happened. Eventually it got to the point where, if it ever came up in conversation, I would simply refuse to avoid it. I made sure to tell my brothers before Christmas, as I was planning to spend some time on the phone with Chris on Christmas morning.
Shortly after returning to school, I basically decided that I may as well be out entirely. English class proved to be a very stimulating environment, where controversial topics are commonly discussed. I certainly do not hold back when the discussion is of homosexuality. I think my point of view is welcome. Either I am the only queer in the class or the only one with the balls to be out.
The last step in coming out is my extended family. My aunts and uncles did not grow up exposed to much of this kind of thing, and most of my cousins attend catholic schools. Basically, my mom didn't think they would really understand very well. Well, I realized that I didn't care at all if they found out -- in fact I am prepared to defend myself if I need to. With this realization, I finally made this page publicly available on my site. Actually, the only reason it was private was because there was a chance that someone from my family might find it. Anyway, so far they haven't found it. I actually came out to them personally.
OK, so I have told one cousin so far. We were talking online about valentine's day and it was really awkward avoiding the fact that I was attracted to guys, so I told him. He was generally OK with it. He said that it was my choice, and not his place to judge. (Actually it's not my choice, but whatever.) Then he told me he had to go to dinner. I'm not sure if he told the rest of the family or not.
After coming out to another cousin of the same immediate family, my aunt and uncle got word of it, and eventually my grandparents heard the news. I'm not sure quite how they took it at first but I guess they are getting used to the idea. On Easter, I came out to a couple of my cousins on the other side of the family. I have no idea if they intend to mention it to their parents; really I don't care if they do.
Well, that's about all there is to the story. I'll add more as things develop.
OK OK, so there aren't any bisexuals in this movie. Still, it is an excellent queer drama that should be seen by more people. Although released in 1998, Edge of Seventeen takes place in 1984-85 Sandusky, Ohio. The main character, Eric, after his junior year of high school, gets a summer job at an amusement park restaurant. His co-worker, Rod, who just graduated and plans to go away to Ohio State in the fall, reveals that he recently broke up with his boyfriend. Over the summer, Eric and Rod become good friends in public while becoming boyfriends in private. Fall comes, and Rod goes away to school. Soon afterwards, Eric learns that not everyone wants more than just one night, and that Rod wasn't entirely honest with him. This sends Eric on a dramatic personal quest to rediscover his identity and become comfortable with who he is. Edge of Seventeen is not rated, and contains material that may be unsutiable for children. Availability is limited.
Hello. If you are reading this, then you probably already know that something about you is "different." Maybe you like another boy more than just as a friend. Maybe you are intersted in girls, but there is one boy that you just can't stop thinking about. Maybe you don't seem to be interested in dating at all, but you care a lot about your friends. Do you like to hug other boys and/or girls? Maybe you care more about a person's emotions than their body. Have you ever gone through "phases" or "moods" where you think that boys are more attractive than girls or vice versa? Maybe you think that a lot of boys are beautiful but still see beauty in girls as well.
If you have any feelings like what I just talked about, you might be bisexual. There is really nothing wrong with that. It means you can love whoever you want. Unfortunately, it also means you could have some difficulties ahead in your life when dealing with other people.
See, a lot of people don't understand what bisexual really means. Sometimes they think that it means you have to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time, or that you think it's OK to cheat on your wife or girlfriend for casual gay sex. Sometimes they think that you are gay but not willing to admit it. Sometimes they think that you can't decide whether you want to be gay or straight. Well, they are wrong if they think any of those things. To be bisexual means that you fall in love with someone regardless of their gender.
When you come out, a lot of the advice you might find for gay boys still applies. On the other hand, bisexuals encounter much more misunderstanding than gays. Even within the queer communtiy, there are many who believe those things described in the previous paragraph. But, you know what? You can deal with it. You are strong. Some people are willing to listen, and you can tell them what being bisexual is really about. Other people might not; you will eventually get used to ignoring them.
It's not the end of the world. Stand up for what you believe in and be proud. Most importantly, don't be afraid to be yourself!