Thoughts that are as precious as a flower and grow like a weed...
It's beter to have loved and lost.
It is indeed beter to have loved and lost than to  never have loved at all... That is what I have to deal with at this moment...

I have a couple friends right now going through break-ups and they seem to be in so much pain. But as they tell me their storys about how this and that happend, all I can think about is how lucky they are... Even though they hurt now, they were/are in love. I would kill for that feeling.


The only people I love are friends and family... I don't know what it is like to love in a passionate way... I don't know. *sigh*


I have never loved, therefore, I have never lost.


I want to love...

...even if it means losing.
An ode to my un-born sister/brother.
My mother -was- carrying twins. Just the thought of this made me smile and crave the love of these two little babies.
My parents were so happy that they were having these twins... I've never seen Al (my sted dad) so happy before. He cried tears of joy everytime he thought about them.

...My mother had an altra-sound and they came to realise that one of the babies were dead. No heart beat. Nothing...

Words cannot express the pain and loss that we are all feeling right now.

I don't understand how I can love and miss something so much that I've never seen... talked to... felt in my arms...


All I can do is pray that the un-born babies soul is happy.


I wish I could have watched you grow up. You will be missed... ='(

We love you.
It's ok to be alone...
  It's ok to be alone, because I will never honestly be lonely in my life. I have family and friends who adore me, and above all I have myself. I respect and love myself and I truely beleive that is all a person needs... love and respect for ones self.

However:
   I'm sick of all the love songs out there that make me feel like I am missing out on something only some people can concur. I'm sick of these off and on feelings for those special someones that never seem to stay. My unhealing emotions flicker like a light bulb and no one seems to care.

   It's funny how even your best of friends can say they will alwayse be there... but in your sadest of moments you can't seem to reach anyone and no-one seems to be home to pick up that phone.

   Sadness is only a word, but the feeling could kill a dozen souls... and i'm sure it has.

   Now, all I can do is wait for happyness to come my way. Because I'm sure in an hour or so I will be perfectly fine. I alwayse find a way threw torment... because I love and respect myself.
Just a Random Thought.
It kind of disturbes me to imagine that I don't know everything about myself. It baffles me to think that sometimes I can't even handle my own emotions. I am the one person in this entire world that I feel most comfortable with and I don't even understand my own introspect. At times I feel like I've crashed and burned... at other times I feel like there is no possible way to stop the swelling of my head. Life is so hard to deal with... yet I dred the day that I leave. Ironic.
"Love the Music, not the Drugs"
First off I just wanna say that I am not against drugs. I just want people to know how much fun they can have @ a party while being sober! If you are one of those people that have the mind frame like "Partys are only fun when I'm all fucked up!" then I feel sorry for you! Partying is about the music and the people that you will meet. I hesitate to use this word, but it is also about the 'vibe'. I go to every party with full intentions to have a blast! Yes, even when I'm sober.
  I find it sad as well as pathetic that some (not all) people can't go to a party without some sort of a poison flowing threw there bodys! *BLAH* that makes me mad! It gives us party kids a bad name.
  I understand that most people do drugs because they want to dance all night and have unlimited energy for the whole evening... NEWS FLASH: I go off harder than 90% of the people at partys that are on drugs, when I'm sober! Get it? You dont need drugs to enjoy the party experience!
  Okay, splurge... and do that little cap of whatever the fuck you wanna disolve into your nervouse system. It's all good if you do it in moderation. Drugs are being taken advantage of now a days and it makes me sick.
  Do you think your cool when you come up to me and tell me how many drugs you did? I sure dont! Drugs (if done at all) should be done to in-hanse the "music = you" feeling! Drugs should never be done to make you more social or less yourself! That's just stupid and immature!
  Common guys, Just try going to a party sober and see how you like it!

-My own $0.02

P.S. I realize a fair bit of you will be un-impressed or even insulted by my thoughts. But I really could care less. I guess I should appologize now for letting the truth into your brains!
                                                Sorry*