What makes the New Year so fucking special? Everywhere I go on the internet there’s something up for helping you decide a resolution, keep a resolution, help someone else, blah blah blah. New Year’s Resolutions are for spineless losers who lack the self motivation to change anything in their pathetic lives without a special occasion. Think about it. On January first, nothing extraordinary happens. The sun doesn’t explode, the earth doesn’t stop rotating, and OJ still runs free. Because a single number changes in the date (which, by the way, happens every fucking day), people decide that it’s time for them to change! All those things they don’t like about themselves…fuck it! It’s a New Year! All my worries are gone…wrong dipshit. They’re still there. Nothing changes.
In honor of the New Year, I have made a few resolutions of my own…and you’re going to hear them!
• Seek out and kill those who dress their pets in clothes
• Seek out and kill those who are enamored with pop music
• Seek out and kill those who consider them above the rest of “us”, i.e. the Goths, Punks, Skater Fucks, etc.
• Seek out and kill those who are known as hippies
• Seek out and kill those who are retarded
• Seek out and kill those who are Welsh
There you have it, a compendium of all things I want to do. And…Oh! They all involve killing someone! How nice…I love me. |
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